Little Darwin can exclusively reveal the nauseating happy ending to Baz Luhrmann’s epic film Australia which will soon be screened in redbrick dunnies throughout the nation. Our film critic, Ned Nong, peeped through a keyhole and saw the happy ending at the secret first screening of the revamped movie. Because of the change from a sad to a happy ending, the film will now be eight hours long. Happiness, it seems , is much desired in these days of economic doom and gloom.
To this end , the Japanese bombing of Darwin has also been cut from the movie as a survey has shown that most Australians do not know that Darwin had been bombed during WW11 so it would not put many bums on seats. A test audience thought it was another movie about Pearl Harbour when they viewed the trailer.
Our keyhole peeping critic Ned Nong says that in the rejigged movie Nicole Kidman gives the Aussie jackeroo Hugh Jackman she loves the flick and returns to Darwin. There she goes looking for the rich titled Pommie git who had been a passenger on the flying boat that first brought her to the Territory.
He is Sir Barry Ledwidge , whose ancestors made their fortune using slave labour to make rum in the West Indies . The Ledwidges also cornered the British Empire market for tasteless pork pies. Sir Barry is also rumoured to have been questioned by Bow Street Runners during the notorious Jack the Ripper investigations.
Sweating like a pig in the Territory’s fabulous lifestyle, Sir Barry has been stumbling about the Top End with his box Brownie taking happy snaps. The revised film shows him sitting on a rock at East Point , a drop of the family rum nearby , shooting the sunset . Nicole sneaks up on him clad in a revealing neck to knee cossie . They embrace passionately , lose their balance, totter about squealing , and fall into the sea. A pack of crocodiles tear them to pieces - and the audience cheers , happy to see the end of the film so that they can massage the feeling back into their butts.
To this end , the Japanese bombing of Darwin has also been cut from the movie as a survey has shown that most Australians do not know that Darwin had been bombed during WW11 so it would not put many bums on seats. A test audience thought it was another movie about Pearl Harbour when they viewed the trailer.
Our keyhole peeping critic Ned Nong says that in the rejigged movie Nicole Kidman gives the Aussie jackeroo Hugh Jackman she loves the flick and returns to Darwin. There she goes looking for the rich titled Pommie git who had been a passenger on the flying boat that first brought her to the Territory.
He is Sir Barry Ledwidge , whose ancestors made their fortune using slave labour to make rum in the West Indies . The Ledwidges also cornered the British Empire market for tasteless pork pies. Sir Barry is also rumoured to have been questioned by Bow Street Runners during the notorious Jack the Ripper investigations.
Sweating like a pig in the Territory’s fabulous lifestyle, Sir Barry has been stumbling about the Top End with his box Brownie taking happy snaps. The revised film shows him sitting on a rock at East Point , a drop of the family rum nearby , shooting the sunset . Nicole sneaks up on him clad in a revealing neck to knee cossie . They embrace passionately , lose their balance, totter about squealing , and fall into the sea. A pack of crocodiles tear them to pieces - and the audience cheers , happy to see the end of the film so that they can massage the feeling back into their butts.
