PARIS: It has just been confirmed that the Hunchback of Notre Dame has been granted sabbatical leave after the devastating fire and will take up residence in the empty Queen's Hotel , Townsville, North Queensland , part of which is shown above .
In an exclusive interview with Little Darwin's Paris correspondent, Pierre Le Petomane , the well known cathedral identity , wearing a hearing aid because of having been exposed to the cathedral's deafening bells for so long , still shaken and scorched by the blaze , said he is looking forward to some peace and quiet in downtown Townsville .
"I hope there are no noisy church bells in Townsville ?" the anxious celebrity asked our reporter. He was very much relieved when informed the only religion in the Queen city of the North is football which does not require ringing bells to get the faithful to attend blessed ovals .
However, Le Petomane warned him the tropical city does have a large number of dingalings who regularly disturb the peace and get an inordinate amount of favourable coverage in the media .
Under the influence of cognac , the hunchback becomes a wild patron of the arts in Paris. As a result , he has been barred from the front row at the Moulin Rouge along with troublesome artist Toulouse Lautrec . There was universal outrage when he drew a moustache on Mona Lisa at the Louvre and under the influence he is too boisterous for energetic female apache dancers .
French gendarmes warn no girl having a fling in the Townsville nightclub precinct should ask the hunchback to go Waltzing Matilda as they could end up in traction and plaster .
French gendarmes warn no girl having a fling in the Townsville nightclub precinct should ask the hunchback to go Waltzing Matilda as they could end up in traction and plaster .
Once he is settled into the Queen's Hotel he intends to start a Napoleon Bonaparte Syndrome Club for those in the north with obvious delusions of power , a guillotine part of the treatment . It would also be nice to break the bank at the Ville Casino , like he did at Monte Carlo . Also, he expressed the desire to visit the Great Barrier Reef before it is turned into a state similar to Mururoa Atoll which was used for French nuclear tests.
