CANBERRA : In the latest Coalition leak, it has just been revealed that torpedoed former PM Tony Abbott was recently taken for a test dive in Japan's top secret new age submarine , shown here in our exclusive photograph , dethroned Mad Monk on the conning tower in a sou'wester, holding his breath . The frequent leaker , soon to see a urologist, claims Mr Abbott told the Japanese the unusual colour of the submarine would appeal to sun loving Aussies , old rock and roll voters and suggested it be named Kanga Down Under .
Meanwhile the much anticipated book by Niki Savva about Abbott and Peta Credlin, The Road to Ruin, is to be launched next week by veteran journalist Laurie Oakes ... Beware the Ides of March , Tony . It is evident the book will be like a Pearl Harbour attack on Abbott's record as the Admiral of the Fleet , showing he was not aware he was standing on the burning, heaving deck , his favourite cabin boy suddenly eating sushi, most of the scurvy crew about to jump ship on inflatable, nuclear powered bicycles built for two.
Goon Show type cry : He fell in the water .
