GHOST OF SIR GARFIELD INVOKED IN CRAZY COBBER / KIWI CAPER

CANBERRA : Answering the urgent call  to once more come to the aid of  the  desperate  to  hold or  get  power at any cost   Liberal Party  and its  Country Cousins  ,  the  former Chief Justice  of the  High Court , the late  Sir Garfield Barwick , has  made a  spooky return to the  premises.  A   terrified High  Court  cleaner  last night  snapped  the above  exclusive  photograph  of   Sir  Garfield  in  the former  office  he  occupied , the building   dubbed  Barwick's  Mausoleum ,

 Sir  Garfield is either saluting , swatting a pesky  Bogong moth  or  tick-tacking for  a  Canberra  SP  bookie  offering  odds  on  the  outcome of  Barnaby Joyce's  High Court  case  over  his  Kiwi citizenship .  Astute readers of this blog will notice that  the  bookcase  in the photo is  much  larger than  that  of  the current Federal Attorney-General ,  George  Brandis.

 

It will be  recalled that  Sir Garfield, once a  Tory politician , renowned for   rambling ,  flowery speeches , was the  Chief  Justice  when   thirsty  Sir John Kerr  sought  advice  from  him  before  sacking  Gough Whitlam . 

 

On hearing of   Sir Garfield's  return to the High Court, PM  Malcolm Turnbull said  he is certain  the learned  judge would  use his  influence  on  present   day   High Court judges   to make sure  Barnaby's Kiwi   citizenship is confirmed  and he is shipped  out  to  Rotorua to  become a  whip cracking  poi  dancer  in  the  famous  Maori  Concert   Party . 

   

Meanwhile ,  Bill Shorten  has demanded an  exorcist armed with garlic , a wooden stake , a  crucifix  and   the mind numbing   recordings of   Sir Robert Menzies's  poetic recitations  be  called in  to  rid  the  High  Court of  the  ghastly  Sir  Garfield  spectre to  ease  the  strain on  staff  working  at  night or else  give them  a   special  triple  time  payment  .   

 

(See   Little  Darwin , (SIR) GARFIELD CRACKS A MOTHER-IN-LAW JOKE )

NEW ZEALAND RECEIVES MASSIVE SEISMIC JOLT FROM AUSTRALIA

Anxious looking  Barnaby Joyce  with  his thoroughbred  NZ racehorse, Hinemoa  , part of the famous Phar Lap  bloodline ,   just  before  recently  being called in before the  stewards  to explain  why  it  came  last  at  a bush meeting  ,  outsider   Fine  Cotton  winning  at 100-1 .
 

WELLINGTON : The NZ Stock Market  crashed , the local currency is now as  worthless   as  the Indian  rupee   and  there is weeping and  wailing in the streets  following   the  horrifying  breaking  news that Australia's Deputy Prime Minister,  Barnaby  Joyce ,  is almost certainly going to  be   deported  to the  Shaky Isles  because  he  is really  a   Kiwi .

In further shock news  from  Canberra,  ace  political reporter,  Argus Tuft , who has taken over  from Laurie Oakes , today claimed  he has known  for   years  that   Babbling  Barnaby is  a  New Zealander .  

Tuft  is offering to  sell , for a  fortune ,   rare photographs  of  a  Maori tattoo   on  Barnaby's  rump   setting out  the Joyce  family tree  stating   he  is  a descendant  of  prominent Kiwi   sheep shagger   Hone   Hickup,    of    Waikikamukau, a  quaint  North Island  rural  community, something like  Fred   Dagg's  Footrot  Flats , similar  to  Armidale  in  NSW .  .  

Barnaby  was close to and a  great friend of the Queensland  Premier , Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen , seen beaming over   Joyce's  shoulder in this  photo  , who wanted to be  Prime Minister of Australia , yet he was  born   in  Dannevirke , New Zealand.   Barnaby and  Joh have both been described as "idiosyncratic " - a   common  Kiwi  attribute .  

 

It is to be hoped that when Barnaby  is deported for pretending to be a   fair dinkum  outback Aussie , with straw between his teeth and a whip,  he will take back to  the  Land of the Long  White   Clo(u)ds the mortal remains of  Joh  in  a  Queensland  pickle bottle  and shove  it down a  volcanic crack to warm the  cockles  of  his  heart . 

 

During  Question Time in the House of Representatives  when his  nationality was  the hot  topic  and it was moved that he  not be heard in the chamber  , Barnaby  became  red faced , shouted , waved  his arms about , finger pointed  as if  doing  a mug's  imitation of  the  Haka performed  by  the  All Blacks  before  the start of another  thrashing  of  Australia  in  the  Bledisloe  Cup series.

 

Thankfully,  he did not mention testicles and terrorists in the outburst , but  Townsville   was   mentioned  many   times , as were most other points of the compass . 

DONALD HORNE IN AN INSPIRING PART OF THE LUCKY COUNTRY

A  recent  read  ,    Dying  A Memoir by   Donald Horne   and   his  wife , Myfanwy   Horne , Viking  2007 ,  brought  out  the  fact   that    the  Northern Territory   had  influenced  his  early writing .  He  recalled that as  an  18  year old university student  he   wrote several  sonnets  which were published, panned  by a   poet friend .  This  response, he wrote ,  had  caused  him  to  brood   for several  months  and  he  gave up   writing  experimental  sonnets.

However, posted to the  Northern Territory   during  WWll , the images   there  impressed him so much  he began  writing  about them  in letters ;  late in life ,  dying  from  pulmonary fibrosis , he wondered if  he had  persisted with  sonnet  writing  he would  have  produced  distinctive works . At  this  late stage in  his  life he could  have been  lying  in  bed dictating  sonnets.

One of his interesting  essays in the book   further explained  the  part    the   Northern Territory played  in the education  of young  Donald . While serving  as  a  gunner  in  various parts of the Top End, at one stage in  a    commandeered  square of houses  near a  bombed Darwin hotel , he , surprisingly , received   quality overseas   publications  from  friends   ,  monthlies and  quarterlies , from Britain  and America ,  which   had  a big effect  on him ....The Economist  changed my  life . 

 

The Northern Territory, he wrote, added  to the list  of  things  in which   he was   ready to  take  an  intelligent   interest .

Other  subjects covered in the essays include   his  views  on  the media , democracy ,  politics   and   the   dismissal   of  the  Whitlam  Government-all relevant  to  the  not so  lucky  nation  today .  

 

Myfanwy  Horne , a former  Sydney Morning Herald journalist, was consulting editor  to all her husband's published work , starting with the   The Lucky Country in 1964. She was involved pro bono in various cultural  and social projects , including the photographic exhibition, The Struggle  for Australian  Democracy  1788  to the Present , which toured  in  the   late l970s.   

Donald  Horne,  born Sydney  1921, diplomatic  cadet, journalist  , magazine  editor  and  academic ,  became a  household name with publication of   The Lucky Country ,  died    2005 .  

 

Just released  is  Donald Horne : Selected Writings , edited by son Nick Horne , La Trobe University Press  .  

CREATIVE CURLEWS JOIN IKEBANA FLORAL APPRECIATION CLASS

Our  attention drawn  to  Curlews acting strangely  at the front of  the block resulted in the discovery of a   chick , a few days old , one of  two which  had  hatched on an  adjoining  property .

BRISVEGAS BY NIGHT

Story Bridge, Brisbane, during the  Ekka . Photograph by Abra .

BOAT PEOPLE ESCAPE IN CANAL CRUISER

Another slightly condensed   exclusive  from  Peter Burleigh under  his  topical  heading . It  is out of sequence , but then  this entire blog  is out  of  whack.  So as not to upset dog lovers , we  deleted   the part which  revealed  that  to sell  his house in Australia before  fleeing  to  France  , not  only did he throw in all the  furniture, fittings, pictures and  his  many  framed  glowing references from multi-national  corporations , he  included  faithful  fido . (No mention  was  made  to  the buyers  about   the   black  snakes  which  have   invaded  the  house  in  the  past .)  

House trained  French  snake  by  Pierre Roy

At last, contact from an alien (OK, me)! I haven’t written in weeks because I couldn’t think of an excuse why I haven’t written. So I gave up and am writing. My weeks of email silence have been dominated by the hot weather – at least three heatwaves have beaten us down.

Days of over-30 degree heat with the boat in the sun (it’s a lot harder to find a boat-friendly shady spot on a canal or riverbank than you might think, and you are moving en soleil  pretty much every day.) Our most recent onboard guest has returned to Lyon after a week of trying to improve Judi and my French with mixed results. I  did  learn  that the French word ‘salade’ means ‘lettuce’.

 

Our English BBQ (inherited with the boat) finally died  so we have imported one from Germany via the Internet. As you might expect, the German version works far better and now we can cook  Duck, Guinea Fowl and Lamb without the surrounding environment exploding  in   flames.

 

We have once again returned to our ‘home port’ of St Jean de Losne as our replacement stern thruster – one of the boat’s most vital sexual organs – has arrived from Holland.  It was originally delivered somewhere in the south of France.


They sent it back again, then re-sent it to  the same wrong address. No one knows where it's gone (true!) Our marina ordered another one. After a false alarm or two the new one has arrived, so we expect our boat to be craned out of the water tomorrow and  the  thruster fitted, ‘expect’ being the operative word. At least this location has Internet of a kind, crippled but still dragging itself along by the knuckles.
 

In a few days we hope all will be well, and we can head up the Doubs River to Dole and Besancon, both spectacular cities and meccas for good food and grog, and perhaps go as far east as Montpellier before we reach the edge of the world. We’ll meet friends from  London and Canberra and cruise for a couple of weeks. Lucky our livers have been in training. Besancon is the site of a spectacular military citadel perched on top of a rock similar to Rio de Janeiro’s Sugarloaf. Maybe I won’t send you an email about  it.

SECRET MISSILE BASE UNDER CONSTRUCTION IN AUSTRALIA

S(h)ipping  Reporter  Word  Exclusive 

In a closely guarded ,  secret location in Townsville , above , an  instant  lend-lease  missile  base  is  being rapidly  constructed  to   shower  the  bellicose  North Korean  leader  , King Kong Jong -Ill,  with   ICBMs  carrying  thousands of  miniaturised   rough   ends  of   Queensland  Golden  Circle  pineapples.  

 

These  warheads  will   be delivered  just as  blubbery  King Kong  throws  a  leg over a  poor Shetland  pony, his  vitals exposed to  attack  ,  at  the start of  a  daily gallop   imitating  John Wayne  in  the  epic  western movie , True  Boofhead.

 

 Townsville  reporters , as usual , are  not  aware of the  frenzied  waterfront   activity  because  they  do not venture down near  the sea,   have not  received a Pentagon  media   hand  out  and   are  too  busy  watching  social  media .

However,   our   waterfront  roundsman ,   the  only one  north of  Wagga Wagga , was  tipped off  about  the  hush-hush  missile  base  while  s(h)ipping  soda  in  Molly  Malone's  Irish  bar .

The chairman of the Disaster Management Group ,  Cairns Regional Council, Terry James,   has  been  reported  as saying   a nuclear attack on the area has  never been considered. In  a  worst case scenario , the council  would ask  Defence   for instructions on  how to react . The Cairns paper  ran  the  strange heading: City in  range  but  safe... Cairns low as  North Korea missile  target . 


 In the case of  the Townsville City  Council , calling for  numerous  shovel ready  projects to get off  the ground , a strategically  placed  nuke  which  caused water to  flow  freely   from the  Burdekin  without cost  to  ratepayers  would  be  regarded as a positive act  , which the  Murdoch  Townsville   Bulletin would  no doubt applaud .