AUSTRALIAN SHIP OF STATE FAILS MARINE SURVEY; STRUCK OFF LLOYD'S REGISTER

CANBERRA:  VIP  lifejackets  are   being  stockpiled  in the Coalition funk bunker  in readiness for  the aftermath   of   the  Wentworth  by-election  when it will  be a case of  bugger  the call  for   women and  children  to  be  the first into the   new  French,  nuclear- powered  lifeboats .

 

The  crew   of   the  government's leaking bumboat, SS Scomo , have been instructed to  give the  nation  the  bum steer  that  the  disabled  government is    proceeding at  full  steam  ahead ,   on course,  barnacles  scraped  from  the hull and used in another SBS  seafood  cooking special.

Russian hornpiper  

 

 In a vain bid to make  his  crew   appear  slightly  likeable, fun loving   matelots,  instead of  scurvy waterfront rats,  Captain  Morrison, pictured , without parrot and wooden leg ,   has ordered them  as  a  matter of urgency to   get   tattoos   which  carry  the clear  message  Kill Bill  and  nice    heart shaped  ones worded    Mums and Dads, a  regular utterance which causes an outbreak of mal-de-mer  in  the community  when  uttered by  Coalition  politicians  who should have been  abandoned on  church doorsteps  by  their  parents  at  a  tender  age .  

 

On his recent visit to the stewed apple isle of  Tasmania, after a rough voyage across the Bass Strait, pea green looking  Captain Morrison waved his arms about like a groggy  tic-tac  man  at a racecourse , informing the   seasick  audience that everybody in  the  rusty  government  empty vessel  is  pulling in the same  direction , with the help of  galley slaves  wielding   whips, threatening  loss  of   pre-selection  if  they  do  not  do so .   

  

Despite this discipline  , there are signs of  icebergs  ahead , bellbottom  trouser  wearing Liberals who regard themselves as  moderates  are  preparing to   act  like  Japanese fake scientific whale  harpooners  after the  Wentworth vote  ,which  promises  to be  more horrifying  than  the ordeal of the   Ancient Mariner   who  killed  and  gave  an  albatross   the  KFC   treatment ,without any herbs  and  spices.       

ADULTERATED HONEY REPORT INVOLVED SULPHURIC ACID

"Adulterated  honey " was   the subject of   discussion  in  Australia more than  100 years ago . The Lone Hand  magazine  of July  1, 1908  ran   a letter  from "Wondah " of  Sydney University   on the subject . It referred to a previous  letter from Messrs. Slade  and Jackson " correcting   a previous article  in   the  publication,  which   seems  to  have raised   the   issue . 

It  was a pity ,  Wondah wrote, grocers  Slade and Jackson did not verify  their facts before   rushing to  correct the magazine ,  in  which they said  they  had never heard of  honey being  adulterated  with glucose , its " character " so different.

 

As a matter of fact , an analysis  of  honey  showed  it  was  comprised of  two glucoses -the ordinary glucose , or grape sugar ; the other, chemically similar , levulose, or fructose . In addition, there were much smaller amounts  of essential oils  and  a  waxy substance  similar   to  the  wax  in  the  comb.

It continued: "Adulterated honey,  as  sold in Sydney today , is made by acting  on potato starch  with sulphuric acid , by which  means the starch is converted into glucose . This glucose is then  mixed with various substances  to make up the amount , and a  little  honey is  added  to flavour it . "   

Slade and Jackson had  quoted  the price of  glucose -22 pounds  a  ton - as proof that that it would  not pay to   make  adulterated   honey   when  honey   cost  16-23  pounds a ton . They overlooked  the fact  that one ton of   glucose  "is  mixed"  with  various cheap substances  to make several  tons of  "cheap adulterated  honey".

S(H)IPPING REPORTER SPLASHES OUT IN SEASIDE CASINO RAID

Early on a Saturday morning ,  our  rare  waterfront  roundsman   ventured into Townsville's renovated  casino , The Ville ,  and  in between  several  -actually three- large  servings of  frozen  yoghurt in the  Palm Lounge  was  treated to exciting  accounts  by   teenagers in  a  family group  about   fossicking for  gemstones  in Queensland  and   competitive  rowing , the  Townsville   media coverage  of   this  sport  lacking , as  pointed out recently  when  two local   girls  won  a  state school  championship  and  did  not  rate  a  mention . 

The S(h)ipping  Reporter , the only one north of Flinders Island , has more than a passing interest in rowing . Many moons ago, it was suggested  , because of his athletic build , he should join Sydney's Balmain Rowing Club .  Then , in a dramatic  event  on  Darwin Harbour, on a  fishing trip with journalist Peter Blake, aboard  a  boat  that broke down , he  rowed  like  Grace  Darling against the  outgoing  tide  and   safely  got  them  home , his arms stretched so much his knuckles  dragged  on  the ground  for months .

  

 While our salted and stuffed  scribe wandered about the grounds of  the casino  he  took snaps from the helipad  of  Magnetic Island   in  the  distance  and   the above  views of  Miss Piggy  looking   Castle Hill , bulrushes  in the foreground, in which   Moses  could  have been  floating , waiting  to  be  found  and   placed  in  the  lost property  office.

 

Burning off  the calories (dried figs ,  apricots , rice bubbles ,watermelon, Kiwi fruit, crispy  bacon, pineapple pieces, scrambled egg, cornflakes, what no prunes ? , assorted  nuts, some dangerous to  the teeth, not wanting to appear a glutton , he did not load up  the tempting  mushrooms on toast ... ) , he later  inspected  the  wharves and  saw  more  interesting  ghost fleet vessels  in  port... Sunlight Lily  and Jupiter Express  just two of those  visible. 

MORRISON SPARKS BIG EXPLOSION

CANBERRA : The  world's  biggest smirk will be  the first of  50  new   iconic  tourist attractions  to  be  built  in  Australia , Prime Minister  Scott Morrison  announced today , a real shot in the arm for the Strawberry Republic .

Tight lipped about whopper  Smirk. 

However,  the  secretive PM  would not reveal  the location of this  surefire  attraction  which  will be more popular than  the deep fried  Great Barrier  Reef .  Smirking   is  regarded  as   next  to godliness  in   some exclusive  Australian  circles . 
 

 Argus Tuft  Huge  Exclusive

 

The PM  gripped  the  imagination of entreprenurs  and  carpetbaggers, indeed the nation ,   when  he recently announced, with a   cheesy smile ,  it is  okay for South Australia   to have  a Big Tesla Battery ...  like  the Big Pineapple in Queensland ; the Big Pain in the Arse , Canberra;  the  Big  Parliamentary Windbag, ditto ; the  Big Ram (U.S. Supreme Court) ; the  Big  and  Midget   Queensland  LNP   Boofheads ,  etcetera. 

Pointing  out  the  Smirking bonanza 

 Smirking is a noble art , long  practiced  in  the clubby  boardrooms of  banking , finance and insurance  companies , church hierarchies, some fast food chains ,  assorted  shonky   education  and   labour hire companies,  local  slave  markets  and   multinational   corporations   merrily  milking   the   country.  

 Even when subjected to waterboarding  by  CIA moonlighter  Shaun Micallef  on the patriotic  ABC  television show Mad as Hell ,  Morrison refused to name   the  location  of   the  Big Smirk , which  we can exclusively reveal will be  bigger than  the  Sydney  Harbour Bridge  . 

WARTIME CENSORSHIP/ LIBELS/MADAME LASH

Over the years, many books have been sighted   containing  margin notes , underlining,  bracketing of  text , question and exclamation  marks , crude  comments  about  people  of  note ,  opinions both derogatory and favourable for the overall work  .  While  this  amounts  to   defacing  , a  heinous crime against   the  printed  word,  it  nevertheless  can make  for  interesting reading and speculation  about  the  person  guilty  of  such   a  wretched  act . 

Recently, a friend  dropped  off  two  books , one  the biography  of thirsty   New Zealand poet ,typographer, publisher  and author   Denis  Glover , the other  with the catchy title  Libels, Lampoons and Litigants Famous Australian  Libel  Cases  , by Graham  Fricke, Q.C., ex libris  the Sunshine Coast Regional Library Service .  A  rapid read  of  the  Kiwi  muse  contained much of  interest  , but  no  tampering  with   the  text .

In the  case of  Fricke's book , it  proved  a   great  read   because   the  cases mostly involving newspapers and familiar  plaintiffs  including  Communist  author  Frank Hardy (recalling an earlier  case involving his Power Without  Glory )  , John Gorton ,   Juni  Morosi , poet  and  author  Hal Porter, flamboyant American politician  King O'Malley , journalist Wilfred Burchett , NSW  Premier  Jack Lang , another great Labor  figure, Tom Uren  who boxed in Darwin  and  was  captured  by  the  Japanese  in  East  Timor. 


While not extensive , a  pencil had been used to   tick  and  underline  text .  The only margin note was  in the chapter dealing with  WWll  clashes   Labor  Minister for Information  Arthur Calwell  had  with the    Sydney Daily  Telegraph   and the  Australian Newspaper Proprietors' Association  over  censorship .

Calwell ,  Fricke wrote, had a love hate relationship with the press...Even as a backbencher , he vilified  the  press  as  being 'owned for the the most part   by financial crooks  and...edited  for the most part  by mental harlots ', and described Sir  Keith Murdoch as a 'fifth columnist ...a megalomaniac '.

One of those  with whom he clashed  was  the managing editor of the Packer   Daily Telegraph , Brian  Penton  .  Fricke described  the combatants thus :  Penton was as  pertinacious as Calwell  and   the conflict between them was rather like  the meeting of an inexorable force  and an immovable object .

When Penton arranged in 1942  to go to America on a lecture tour , Calwell tried to stop the trip ; in parliament  he  asked questions suggesting  Penton was going to the US  to avoid military service .  Penton, in print ,  called   Calwell a  blackguardly coward  and   called on him to  repeat  the allegations  outside  parliament   so  that he could be sued . 

 

On becoming responsible for wartime censorship ,  Calwell  rejected the claim that newspapers  could be   relied upon to  act responsibly and patriotically .  In April 1944  R. A. Henderson , of the Sydney Morning  Herald , chairman of the Australian Newspaper Proprietors' Association , attacked the censorship system   during a speech . In it he mentioned an article in the  United States Congress on a report that  Australia had cut  90,000 men from the armed forces in l944.

Calwell considered it  was   against  national interest  to disclose the reduction of military strength. He and the   director-general of  the Department of  Information , E.G. Bonney , decided that  Henderson's speech should be censored   (From the Little Darwin file  is  inserted  Bonney's  bookplate. Bonney (1883-1959) , a journalist  and public servant , son of an American draftsman , had worked  as a compositor in Dunedin, New  Zealand ;  director of the Australian News and  Information  Bureau  , New York ,  1948-l951. )

The  Sunday Telegraph responded by running a  front page  story  with    a large blank space  under photographs of Calwell and  Henderson . Calwell responded by suspending several  newspapers,  including the Daily Telegraph. When the paper attempted to publish another edition  with blank spaces  they were  confiscated  by  Commonwealth police officers, one  photographed pointing a gun at a  newspaper truck  driver

The newspapers  obtained a High Court injunction restraining   the censorship authorities  from interfering with  publication . Calwell attacked the High Court, there was  call to sack  Calwell , who responded: 'There is no real patriotism in the Australian press. There are more fifth  columnists  in newspaper  officers  than in any other  part of  Australia.' In the margin  next to this  paragraph in the  book  is the vertical comment- PROBABLY TRUE .

 

Calwell invoked  censorship powers when 900  Japanese prisoners of war attempted to escape  from the Cowra detention camp in NSW , more than 100 killed, most  shot by guards  ,  36 committing suicide .  He considered    publication of details   would  lead to reprisals  against Australian prisoners in Japan . Despite  this , the  Daily Telegraph published details of the  event   and  he attacked the paper in  parliament . The  paper responded  by saying it had not defied  censorship  and  completely obeyed  the  censor's instructions . 

It called him a dishonest , calculating liar   and challenged him to sue .  Penton was sued,  the action  eventually  discontinued . (Author Xavier Herbert  was no fan of  Brian Penton  , saying  he had made highly derogatory remarks  about   his  l938 novel Capricornia.)  

 

Another case  of  interest  in the book involved   artist, fashion designer and dominatrix , Gretel Pinniger , known as  Madam  Lash , who threw parties in Sydney's  plush Palm Beach  attended  by  many notables . In  1975  she  sued  the Sun over a claimed defamatory article  which  meant    she was  " a vicious, violent , ill -tempered woman  without self-control who would whip and injure another person  without cause  or reason and was offensive  and  disreputable . "  
 

 The  offending  write up sprang  from   her appearance on the Mike Walsh Show  wearing a  theatrical costume  with a whip about her waist . Walsh  attempted to  wear her shoes , and she  playfully  flicked him with  the whip  ,  accidently hitting him in the face ,  described in the  article as  leaving  him    badly  slashed  with a stockwhip .  She was awarded  $20,000, but lost the lot  after  two  appeals  .  

 

However, she  inspired artist  Brett  Whiteley  to draw  her  , used on a cobalt blue  and  white glazed  Derek Smith  stoneware vase, in l998  valued  up to  $12,000  at auction . 

 

 One such vase  belonged   to  the late  Margaret Vine  of Magnetic Island . Her pet  dog , Ponsonby,  photographed   in Brisbane, with   the Ms.  Lash vase   in  the  background .  

 

What Australia clearly needs today  is  an Amazonian  Madam Lash   to    unmercifully  flog  with  cat-o'-nine tails  corny television show  hosts and  shock jocks . We have a list  to help  that dear  madam  in  her  mission , possibly a  disgruntled  ex- member  of  the  male chauvinist  Liberal  Party .   

LOW SLUNG ISLAND LIFE

Seen being  placed  in the  back seat of  this racy , ground  hugging  1987 Morgan  was  a  well groomed,  lucky Dachshund  which    travels   in  style on Magnetic Island .

 

Other items of  island  interest : clairvoyant  readings  now  available  and  there is  a job on the notice board  for  an  au  pair .  



ABORIGINAL WARRIOR URGED NORTHERN TERRITORY STATEHOOD

Tucked away in a box of  interesting documents was the  above single  fold  pamphlet  handed out   on  National  Aborigines'  Day, July 14,1972, by the  National Aborigines'  Observance  Day Committee  ( NADOC ) . On opening it,  I was surprised to see it contained  the strong views of  the late  John Newfong   about  shortcomings   in   Australian  history  books .

 

 By Peter Simon

 

 With a magnificent speaking voice, he was described  as  the first Aboriginal employed  in mainstream print media  who acted   as a spokesman for the Aboriginal Tent Embassy  set  up  outside  parliament   house, Canberra.

   



Leader of the Federal  Opposition,Gough Whitlam, above ,  addressing the  Aboriginal  Tent Embassy on  January  26-Australia Day- 1972 . Tall ,  Newfong ,  second  from  the  left, in  suit and  tie ,  is standing near  media.

 

 Newfong  , of  the  Ngugi people of Moreton Bay, Queensland, was born in 1943 . His father   was Ben Archibald  "Archie" Nu Fong a champion Queensland heavyweight boxer , his  mother, Edna Crouch , a member  of  the  women's cricket team which played  England in 1935. 

 

John wanted to study law but  came up  against  a  barrier,  so   went to Mount Isa in 1965   as a miner .   In  Brisbane , he   took part in the   l967 Yes Vote  referendum  and also served as  campaign manager for the Queensland   Council for the Advancement  of Aboriginal and   Torres Strait Islanders .

    



He became  a  reporter on  the Sydney Morning  Herald  and   I  first met him  in Sydney  when I was  working on the Sun-Herald .   From  time  to  time , in his  impressive speaking voice ,  he  rang me at home  .  At  the  time  I  reported  on  a  penal reform    movement  in Sydney  and  the  aftermath of  the   1970   Bathurst  Gaol   rebellion  due to poor conditions in the old  institution. Prison officials  retaliated by bashing    prisoners, the event  becoming   known as   the  Bathurst  Bashings .  Newfong became involved with the Redfern Aboriginal Legal   Aid  Centre . In 1972  he edited  the   Aboriginal publication , Identity .

NAIDOC  said  it  invited " a  black Australian "-Newfong-   to  outline his view on  the "missing  section " of   the   nation's history books  for   the l972  pamphlet.  He opened saying   that   most anthropologists agreed Aboriginal people  came to  Australia from Southern Asia at least 30,0000 years ago. 

Opinion was divided in deciding the ethnic group  of  Aborigines.  While some  pointed to  very similar people in the Southern Indian  peninsula  and suggested  they had the same Caucasoid origins as the   rest of the Indo-Germanic people of the area, others  believed there  was  greater  evidence  to suggest  a  fourth and entirely separate group, the  Australoid .

In the case of Tasmanian Aborigines, it was thought  they had been in Australia possibly even longer than the mainland Aborigines . Like the people of Papua New Guinea  and the Torres Islands, they seemed   to have  been part of a negroid immigration from Africa  eastwards  towards the  Micro Melanesian part of the Western Pacific .

 

Mainland Aborigines had a social order and an ecological  culture  that was probably unique in the history of mankind . The Aboriginal people developed an intricate pattern of survival , their close communion with nature found expression in a religion  that was  essentially totemic.

European colonisation , for reasons of  health as much as the poisonings and massacres, "so often euphemised   in Australian history books" , resulted in  many being  wiped out . The only increase in the number of black people Australia promoted by European colonisers  was along the  coastal parts of Queensland   where a plantation society was established  with indentured  labour force   from the Western Pacific .

 

For a long time , he wrote , the old formula of "divide and conquer "was applied to  the Islanders  of  Queensland and  the local Aborigines , differentiation made between "full bloods" and " half-castes."

 

Since the l967 referendum , engineered  principally by the major national organisation, the Federal Council for the Advancement of Aborigines and Torres Strait  Islanders , there had been a  trend towards  a more grass roots   movement , and a feeling that a few black people  at the top of  the white man's world  was  just   not  enough . 

 

1970  saw the first  attempt to   form an  all-black grass roots   organisation-the National Tribal Council ; a month later , black Australians' first  international  press lobby  with  the Bi-Centenary  protest.

 

Since l970 , black organisations had sprung up over the country . People were no longer prepared to  be confined to camping areas  on the  outskirts  of country towns , poor and ragged  on the fringes  of the white man's world .As a result ,  black Australians   were involved  as never before .  

 

Newfong then went on to explain the importance of   setting up  the Aboriginal  Tent Embassy on  the lawn outside  parliament  house  on Australia Day , 1972 . It had been  established  to protest at  the fact that  black Australians were the only indigenes in the world  without  legal title to reserve lands, the only ones  to whom no form of compensation  had  been  paid .

 

It is interesting to read that another aim was to  obtain State   rights for the Northern Territory, so  that black Australians could have  a more proportionate say in Federal parliament , with members in  the House of Representatives and   six senators  to  which  the NT  as a state would be  entitled.

 

Figures  given to the  the Senate Committee on Social Environment  by the Department of the Interior in l972  indicated  black people in Territory   rural areas  were  in  a  62 percent  majority .

 

With political awareness increasing in the outback and electoral boundaries  favouring  rural electors , it seemed  more than  likely  that they would soon not merely  have the right to  a  say in  government , but also the means .    
 

A further riot took place  at the Bathurst Gaol   causing  $10million damage  in 1974 and  the  Nagle Royal  Commission  was subsequently held into NSW prisons.  One of the incredible stories which came out of the  riots was that at one tense  stage, when  armed police  were   facing  the   rioters ,  armed  with   makeshift weapons ,  holding captives,   the   group  representing  prisoners  in  tense negotiations  demanded  that The Spook, in the Wizard of Id  comic  strip  be released  from  the  dungeon .

 

John  Newfong,   who  went on to lecture  in journalism  and  media studies at  James Cook  University  , Townsville ,  died  of  cancer , in  1999.