NIP AND TUCK FOR MAD MONK ?

CANBERRA : Despite this still  being  the silly season , the suggestion that  dumped  PM Tony Abbott  has  had a  face  lift is  truly   gobsmacking ,  and  wins  points  for   originality   if  bogus  ,  no doubt  deliberately spread  by  Laborites  and  the CFMEU using  the old  CIA  trick  of   spreading   false   information and absurd destabilising  rumours. 

 Nevertheless ,  several   people   claim  that  after  Abbott’s   jaw  hit  the floor  when  he was voted  out of  office , he went out  and  got  a  kisser  tuck  to improve  his  image . They  even  claim to  have  seen  operation  lines  on  both  sides  of  his  face  running up  to  his  distinctive ears .  Cruel cartoonists, like the devilishly brilliant    David Rowe  of  the  Australian Financial Review , certainly did not present PM Abbott as  an oil painting ,  facial  wrinkles  drooping   like   his  budgie  smugglers, see below .

As  further evidence ,  purveyors of  the Abbott  make over  fantasy point   out  that  in that strange  ABC TV report by Sabra Lane  about  the  paintings  in  Abbott’s office , he  looked  incredibly  smooth faced , sandpapered even ,  especially so  when he  delivered one of  his  stock ,  instant  Heh  Heh laughs , like those  of former Treasurer and  thwarted PM aspirant ,  Peter Costello,  when  asked  about  having  described  some of  the parliamentary art  collection  as   avant garde  crap.  

 

According  to this nonsensical  story , it is further claimed   the new polished , young looking visage of Abbott  indicates he is going to stand for  re-election   in  the seat  of   Warringah , which  he   has  held   for  several   decades , and could end up  with  egg  or  a  whipped  cream  pie  in  the  face  like  John  Howard.

 

AUSSIE AMBASSADOR INFLAMES ANGRY YANKEE MARCHING GIRLS

Tony Abbott  failed to throw his weight behind the call to  reduce the tax on tampons  and he  got the chop ; now  his pea in a pod  mate , Joe Hockey , is threatened by a militant, very vocal,  hip hopping Yankee  tampon  team .

TAMPA BAY , FLORIDA: Donald  Trump and his wig  have  been blown off the front pages of American newspapers by  the shock  announcement that a team of  marching  tampons  has  been  formed  here  to monster the new Australian ambassador, Joe Hockey , each time he appears in public  for failing to remove the  sales tax on  sanitary items when he was the federal Treasurer .

The  powerful world wide Tampon Sisterhood  decided to give Hockey  hell , although  he  declared tampons were very important, did  Sweet Fannie Adams  to  cut  the tax  on  them  Down Under .

In France, the stunned  government slashed  the tampon tax  by  half  after women  there staged a  massive  demo . Placard  waving    dancing   tampons  also scared the pants off  male  Pommie  politicians in London  .

At  the time  the tampon tax was   raised  in Australia, a Canberra  activist  said Hockey  seemed  more  interested  in  cigars  than tampons.

In America , anti-tampon tax  activists   have threatened to give Hockey the rough end of  a  pineapple treatment over  his  failure to help Aussie  women .

BRITISH SPIES LEAKED CONTROVERSAL PHOTO : WORLD EXCLUSIVE

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull says there will be no inquiry into who leaked  the photograph to the media  of accident prone former Cities Minister Jamie Briggs    with a  female  public servant in  Hong Kong .- News item .
 

LONDON: Seeking revenge for Malcolm Turnbull's leading part in the Peter Wright  Spy  Catcher court  case in Australia ,  MI5 has launched a  secret plot to make  life  difficult for the PM.

Little  Darwin can  reveal the dastardly campaign against the PM is codenamed  We Love Lucy , but not that Republican Ratfink, according to our  spy correspondent , Argus Tuft , a former  Geelong Grammar  prefect, frequently caught and caned  for  smoking Cuban cigars  behind the  bike shed in a  grubby  raincoat .

Tuft sensationally claims  MI5 has  formed an  evil  alliance with  the Opus Dei cabal in  government and  media circles   to   undermine and embarrass Turnbull. MI5 and the  Tory  British Government  tried to stop  the Spy Catcher  case being heard and have never forgiven him for  revealing  Sir Roger Hollis, MI5  director,who set up the Australian Security and Intelligence Organisation (ASIO), was  a  Russian spy, the so called Fifth Man in  the British intelligence  service.

 Also mentioned was that  jolly other knight, Sir Anthony Blunt, a former  wartime MI5 operative , and surveyor of  the Queen's art, who was also named  a  Russian spy.

 In a midnight meeting on the Embankment , Tuft  was  informed  that  MI5 had warned Turnbull   that  the  leak of the Honkers  photograph  was just the beginning . With  willing  local support from nameless collaborators, the agency had built up  a bank of   photographs of government  politicians which with a bit of  photo shopping could  make  the entire Turnbull  Cabinet look like unflattering  Daily Telegraph front  page  idiots ,  clownish jib jabbers .

PENTAGON GOES BALLISTIC OVER NEW CHINESE TERRITORY DEAL

Text message to editor of Northern Territory News on December 18 asked if another  visit  to China by the Chief Minister and a "chosen few" meant  more assets were being  discounted  for  Christmas or  the  Boxing Day  sales .

WASHINGTON: Defence  top brass here are  fuming over the deal to allow a Chinese company to build a  huge, combined  dim sim and Fortune Cookie factory next to the American Pine Gap spy base  at Alice Springs .

An angry four and  a half star  general, who often appears on Fox News , baying for Julian Assange's head , exclusively told Little Darwin  the factory will be higher  than  the  world's tallest  tower  in  Dubai .

"Right next to Pine Gap !" he  screamed  in disbelief .""What is going on in the Northern Territory-first handing the Darwin Port over to a Chinese company and now  this?" 

The  general  stunned our   reporter , wearing a trendy flak jacket and an All The Way With LBJ  pin ,  souvenir of a  great moment  between two nations when the  Tory NSW premier with a love of brown paper bags   said to drive over the   Aussies  demonstrating against the Vietnam war ,  by  revealing   that  a  tap of all  Territory communications discovered  the  government is  even going to allow the latest Chinese  aircraft  carrier,recently in Brisbane, to take part in  this year's Henley on Todd  Regatta from which it  could easily bombard  Pine Gap  with  flour  bombs  and  water cannon .

It has even  been  suggested  that  former federal treasurer Joe Hockey could be  expelled  as  the Aussie ambassador because of the American  anger , making him the shortest serving ambassador in  the history of  diplomacy  and  jobs  for the boys.

 

The irate general  revealed  the US Defence Department  has obtained a sample of the  Fortune Cookies and their messages  , which include obvious  bogus sayings by  Confucius , that will be produced  in  the  suspicious  steaming  dim  sim  factory printery .

One  inscrutable  saying , clearly  not the  words of  that wise old Oriental gentleman, nevertheless   goes :  Confucius  say sand  in  Vaseline  jar  not as  irritating  as   sand castles  in  South China  Sea . 

Jumping up and down , the  general said  this Fortune Cookie proved the Chinese   were  taking the piss out  of the most  powerful nation  on earth  with  the  help  of  the  pissant Northern Territory government. The general intimated  someone's ass  could  end up in a sling  after this snafu Down Under , which  will   upset  the RSPCA   and  threaten  the  very ANZUS  Treaty .

CAPTAIN COOK'S VIEW OF A MAGNETICAL ISLAND

JAPANESE CONTRIBUTION TO EARLY NORTHERN TERRITORY

Silent Pearls by John Lamb, covers the half century before war in the Pacific – this book arose out of an examination of a few remaining Japanese headstones and investigation of the stories that lay behind them. It is thoroughly original research which contributes greatly to the knowledge of the early history of Darwin (Palmerston). Up to a few years ago most people thought there were only a few Chinese and no Japanese buried in the old cemeteries of Darwin.  The book identifies the deaths of more than 100 Japanese in the Northern Territory between 1891 and 1941.  It identifies every one of the 45 Japanese listed on the 31 remaining headstones; explains the cause and circumstances of all the deaths, and uses them as a scaffold on which to build the history of pearling in the Territory.  In so doing it brings to light the massive contribution of more than a thousand Japanese to the early development of the Territory. Their industrious efforts contributing more than a million pounds (£) in pearl-shell exports alone.  ISBN: 9780994457301 (paperback) – in total 242 pages.

 

Available from Genealogical Society of the NT PO Box 37212 Winnellie NT 0821, email gsntinc@bigpond.net.au, or Secretary 0412 018 015.Cost – $48.00 – cost for posting interstate $15.00 P&H – NT postage will be cheaper.

AUSTRALIA NEEDS MORE SINGING, YARN SPINNING PRICKLE FARMERS

What this nation needs more than a 15  cent cigar for puffed up  men of  finance  are   more prickle farmers like former Darwin ABC journalist and musician , the late Mike  Hayes , whose  life  on  an odd  hobby farm at Gundaroo , near  Canberra, with  his  blushing child bride ,  became  a long running  source  of  entertainment  on  radio  and  in  books.

One of  his  10 books, seen  here ,  was recently acquired during  another   grand  tour of  Townsville op shops. Born in  England , Mike spent time in Sri Lanka  with his parents before coming to Australia , grew up in  Melbourne, became a journalist at the  Age, went to Darwin for the ABC where  he   made an  impact on  the  Top End.

  

In Darwin at the  time of Cyclone Tracy in 1974  , his early reports of the devastation  were heard  across the nation  and  repeated   at  anniversaries of the natural  disaster   down through   the  years and  in ABC  promos . A Darwin  band he played in went under the name Brown Sugar  because  it was rough and unrefined , he explained .

 

 Fishy yarn. 

Acknowledged as one of  the pioneers of Country Music , he  and his  brother  formed  the Hayes Brothers  band  and their Bluegrass Ramblers  was said to be Australia's  first true  bluegrass  group.

 

Another claim to fame for  Mike was  winning  the highly  prestigious World  Yarn Spinning  Championship   in Darwin, downing  veteran  raconteur  and  former NT yarn spinning champion,  Communist  author  and  song writer , Frank Hardy.

 

Mike is captured above in a Little Darwin photo  hamming it  up in  Darwin , the suggestion  being  he was engaged in  a new exciting  and highly  dangerous  sport  catching  Killer  Whales with a bow and arrow... or a tame , tiny Tommy Ruff .

 

After the cyclone , Mike went to the Canberra office of the ABC and once more became  a  local  hit  , winning  a large   national  following through  his hilarious   Prickle  Farm  radio talks  and  books . 

 

Moving away from the Prickle Farm at Gundaroo, he and his child bride  became  deeply involved  in community and  environmental issues. The bride became the  Mayor of Kempsey and Mike, a freelancer , wrote a regular column for the  Sydney Morning   Herald .  He  died in 2003 at the age of 58  shortly after being the subject  of an Australian Story on  ABC television.

 

In a matter of public interest  in the Senate , it was said  that Mike, with a huge social and political conscience , had been well known by many in the parliamentary  press gallery . Through his  Prickle Farm series  he  had become  larger  than  life, outrageously caustic and an astute observer of human nature.