REDUNDANT ABC KRAKEN DEVOURING DARWIN MAIDENS AND CHINESE LANDLORDS

 The sea monster dropped from the popular ABC TV show Shaun Micallef's Mad as Hell  because of savage  cuts to the national broadcaster by the  creepy ScoMo  government , has found a new career in Darwin as a model for a  new  spiced  rum  and also  hires  his  tentacles  out  to  terrify and  entertain   people  at  birthday  celebrations  and after  match  boozy  footie  nights.

It is reliably  reported that the Royal Australian Navy has hired the terrifying  Kraken to  maraude  about   the Chinese  owned  Darwin port  facilities  to  frighten  them  into  giving  back  the  gateway  to  Australia ,which the dim sims  in   Canberra's Coalition   border security club  leased out, without alerting  America .