King's Cross Whisper Cosmic Scoop
ADELAIDE : In a desperate bid to distract attention from the Coalition wreck , Prime Minister Scott Morrison today shocked the nation by declaring all out war on Mars. In doing so , he issued the above frightening photograph of invading flying saucers over the Great Barrier Reef , near Cairns .
"Worse than that ," he added, " they want our vast coking and electricity generating coal deposits , having exhausted all their own , reducing their atmosphere to such a toxic state that they live underground in burrows."
"Our women are sacrosanct !" Scomo declared " We will not allow them to be teleported into spaceships and deprived of keeping the home fires burning with lovely black coal."
The PM made the stunning announcement when outlining Operation Zap Happy , a billion dollar missile base in the city of churches , which will launch long-range rockets at Martian spaceships , suddenly observed in various distant parts of Australia on the government backed cheap airline flight tickets.
He went on to say that China had kindly given permission for one of the missile bases to be placed next to the port of Darwin , which it owns .
ScoMo grimly stated the Martians would realise that Australia is deadly serious when it beams a light display throughout the cosmos, featuring Attorney-General Michaelia Cash ,warning that we will conduct a scorched earth policy throughout the land to prevent them taking over our beloved country , girt by sea and angry women , some of them named Gertie.
