PM IS A DOOMSDAY PREPPER

With  the chaotic  Coalition  looking   increasingly  like  David Rowe's  brilliant cartoon,  which could be mistaken  to  represent  the  current   Australian  political scene  during  the RAAF's centenary celebrations ,  award  winning political  reporter  Argus  Tuft   presents  another  incredible scoop. 

CANBERRA: Scott Morrison  feels  so  threatened  that  he  has  gone bananas - Joh Bananas , that  is .  It  is  said that  a former  Queensland  Premier, Joh Bjelke- Petersen, kept a length of rope in  his office  down  which  he  would  escape  in  the  event  of  an  attack  on  the  building .  

Well, the following exclusive  photograph  taken during Question Time in parliament  reveals that  ScoMo  has a length  of Indian rope  wrapped  about his body , so  that he can  escape from any  building when voters come  after him,  intent  on  tarring  and  feathering  .

It  shows  him  being grilled by   ALP Leader Albert Albanese  over his failure to front the March 4 Justice demo  outside  parliament .The  rope is clearly visible - running   up  ScoMo's   coat  sleeve  onto  his  shoulder . It will be recalled that   PM John Howard once  wore a  bulletproof vest .

Furthermore, I  can reveal that the rope is  made  from  the  same  hessian from  which   the  bag  into  which  windy  Alan Jones  said  PM Julia Gillard should be thrust  and  thrown  into  the  sea .  

It is  understood that under the  special quad  pact , ScoMo has asked  Indian PM Narendra Modi  to  fly in  an  Indian  rope trick expert  to  teach him how to  avoid  painful rope burn . 

This is because Morrison  has  been experiencing  painful  burns  in  the  nether region, causing  him to  walk  like a ruptured  duck ,see below . New bamboo jocks did not help . The pain , he said, was like standing  with a leg on either side of a barbed-wire fence, which  Joh Bjelke- Petersen said  was impossible , but  it  caused  rusting  Victorian  Liberals  to  giggle  inanely .        

Even though every member of the PM's office is  aware of  his  doomsday escape  rope  and  the  excruciating agony he experiences when  he  claps  a hand  on  a   vital  part  of  his  anatomy , the  secret  has not  leaked to the media, until now . He  still  intends parachuting  , screaming  as  the harness straps  jerk  tight ,  from  a helicopter , at  least once a week,  dressed  in a  rear admiral's uniform out of HMS Pinafore for  another photo  opportunity .