WASHINGTON : In a brilliant move, President Donald Trump plans to annexe North Queensland from just south of the Queen City of the North ,Townsville . In an exclusive interview with Little Darwin's New York based sober political reporter, Jim Bean lll , the president revealed that this part of the Sunshine State has long interested him .
He would have annexed the Top End of the Northern Territory, but its port had already been sold to the Chinese , a bizarre deal which he was happy to say had upset President Obama .
Many of the revolting residents in North Queensland , he said , sounded like true blue American Republicans in the Deep South . He was delighted to read in the Townsville Magpie that there are banjo-playing , bib'n'brace wearing white yokels in the north who read wonderful Murdoch regional papers, want to form a new state , shoot all alligators , napalm bats , build a wall across the state to keep out diseased Mexicans from New South Wales and Victoria .
"They sound like salt of the earth people , simple folk , with reasonable requests , " the president continued .
He paused to take a swig from a large, evil smelling concoction which he said was guaranteed to make you a new man .The label on the bottle revealed it was made in China from monkey glands , tiger penises and the pulsating brains of live bears .
Clearing his throat, with a roar like a pussycat , he continued by saying his wonderful scheme would supercharge the Townsville and surrounding economy all the way up to the tip of Cape York . Thursday Island would not miss out on the bonanza as he had ordered the US 7th Fleet to be based there in the near future , much to the delight of the sailors.
He has already issued instructions on twitter to move the White House, lock, stock and barrels of strawberry flavoured malaria medicine to the top of Castle Hill , overlooking Townsville . Other fabulous ideas for the annexation include :
Establishment of a new export abattoir at Charters Towers to specialise in the Trump Rump , recently given the rhubarb treatment by vegans . It is a well known fact that Donald has been masticating and beating his meat for years .
A regular Miss South Pacific Beauty Contest in the new Townsville stadium with very little social distancing .
Erection of a giant, illuminated statue in memory of Sandshoe Annie and a retirement home for Pelicans in Cairns .
As usual , the president said he had sought guidance from Fox News to flesh out and guide his wonderful plans for Queensland .
He has already issued instructions on twitter to move the White House, lock, stock and barrels of strawberry flavoured malaria medicine to the top of Castle Hill , overlooking Townsville . Other fabulous ideas for the annexation include :
Establishment of a new export abattoir at Charters Towers to specialise in the Trump Rump , recently given the rhubarb treatment by vegans . It is a well known fact that Donald has been masticating and beating his meat for years .
As usual , the president said he had sought guidance from Fox News to flesh out and guide his wonderful plans for Queensland .
NEXT: Other Trump sensational plans for North Queensland from our exclusive interview , including one which will make Townsville bigger than Hollywood and Bollywood.
