In a desperate bid to win the Wentworth shoot out , the long forgotten model of former PM Sir Robert Menzies has been retrieved from storage at Madame Tussaud's Waxworks in London to hand out how to vote cards in Sydney. According to today's edition of the Christian Science Monitor and Ethical Adman , desperate Liberal spin doctors believe Pig Iron Bob Menzies could swing the vital count their way .
Fearful Tory insiders say the decision to get former PM John Howard to tour the electorate had been disastrous as it reminded the voters that he embarrassed Australia when he showed he did not know how to bowl a cricket ball in Pakistan. Apart from that , he appeared to be sporting a pair of fake albino , bushy Menzies eyebrows .
Another gross error had been to bombard the electorate with so called "Liberal luminaries ", which proved to be as stupid as exposing the inmates of the New Zealand Waikato Glow-worm Caves to sunlight .
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| Francophile Fixer |
A tattered Funk Bunker leak reveals that in a late desperate attempt to win votes from suckers , PM Scott Morrison will announce the appointment of Senator Cleaver Greene to head an inquiry into the proposed takeover of the Oz Ripple by a Chinese company .
In addition , the Manager of Government Chaos in the House of Representatives , Christopher "The Fixer " Pyne , will bring a touch of French fashion to the election on Saturday by holding a parapluie, an umbrella, over Sir Robert to prevent him from melting in the Aussie noonday sun .
During the week , Pyne arranged for many mind- numbing Dorothy Dix questions to be asked of government - painting Australia as a biblical land of disastrously cheap milk and fraudulent honey , a paradise for temple money changers , Egyptian slave drivers . During the rowdy session the Coalition attempted to slay the Opposition with the jawbones of many asses and a box of chocolates laced with Christian vitriol and needles .
