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Captain Cook is not amused by this latest Townsville stunt ; man facing camera appears to be performing an old sailors hornpipe jig, popular in 1770.
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Furious , famous explorer Captain James Cook has instructed lawyers to sue the jodhpurs off a number of prominent Townsville organisations for changing the name of Magnetic Island to Cowboys Island .
"I have the naming rights to Magnetic Island , because I named it in the first place ," he thundered , from the poop deck . " Actually, I dubbed it Magnetical Isle , but some dumb colonial had the nerve to change it to Magnetic , without seeking approval from me , the legal title holder ."
Red with rage , Captain Cook said he would like to keel haul all those who recently changed the name to Cowboys Island and came to the island on a Sealink ferry and flounced about the terminal like drunken Morris dancers , waving flags and giggling , then fled back to the mainland .
"I have instructed a local hotshot lawyer, Cameron Horatio Nelson , to nail a writ to the mast of the Townsville City Council chambers , its mayor and councillors eager , prancing players in this outrage ," the captain said .
The Admiralty Court writ, he explained, would prevent any councillors from making further overseas jaunts to India , Singapore, China , Disney Land , Wally World . Other parties to be included in the legal action include Townsville Enterprise , Sealink , the Cowboys Leagues Club , the Townsville Bulletin .
Captain Cook said he is prepared to take the case to the powerful Privy Council in the Old Dart if the Red Brick Dunny and the overworked High Court of Australia did not rule in his favour .
In the meantime , he would issue another writ preventing Prince Harry from ever coming to Townsville, blockade the Townsville ferry terminal with 100 ship of the line , flog members of Townsville Enterprise and then place them in stocks along The Strand to be pelted by the public with tomatoes and rotten mangoes , make soccer the main code in Queensland and ban rugby league !!!
"I did not endure the dangers of sailing along the Great Barrier Reef , without a depth sounder , GPS and radar , to have my island , now annoyingly abbreviated to Maggie , which sounds like a milk maid suffering from cow pox , turned into a crazy name, Cowboys Island !"he roared.
Captain Cook was scathing in his comments about the Townsville Bulletin and its part in the renaming of Magnetic Island . The paper, he said, spitting on the deck , was not worth the penny it dared charge . In the good old days of penny press in London editors could be dragged off to the London Tower , hung , drawn and quartered , and left out to be picked over by ravens . This kind of treatment , he told me, presiding over a barbecue in Hawaii, would obviously improve media coverage and democracy in North Queensland .
