(
Rat bites
Christopher Pyne during
sleep out to highlight
the homeless . - Shock , horror news
report.)
 |
Crook-
looking Christopher on
the idiot box ; rat in box .
CANBERRA
: In breaking news , Prime Minister
Kevin Rudd has announced
a state funeral will be
held next week for
the unfortunate rat
which died an
agonising death after
nibbling the tasty
lobe of the Shadow Minister for Education and Stawell
Gift sprinter, Christopher Pyne.
And in what is seen as Divine intervention , the entire Coalition has been placed in quarantine for six months to prevent the deadly bubonic plague from sweeping across Australia and Asia . This follows the nasty experience Pyne had with a large rat and snoring , windy company directors when spine bashing on concrete to help the homeless.
On national TV, Pyne bravely revealed the rat died of bubonic plague. The presenter and studio production staff all fled on hearing Pyne make this terrifying statement . Nervous men in space suits were seen dragging Pyne out of the hastily evacuated ABC building ; he was placed in the top security animal disease quarantine station in Victoria.
Opposition Leader, Tony Abbott, and the rest of the Shadow Ministry were rounded up , herded aboard empty refugee boats and taken to Clive Palmer’s Queensland dinosaur stud farm to prevent infecting the nation. Fortunately , one member of the Coalition has a proven immunity to bubonic plague , which he developed by mixing with a prominent rodent ( not Minnie or Mickey Mouse ) , so he will be able to visit his quarantined colleagues and supply them with gifts of champagne and caviar. Get well quick cards are already pouring in from the mining industry, the Koch brothers and other well-wishers .
STOP PRESS : Shadow Foreign Minister , Julie Bishop, on a visit to Singapore, has been placed in quarantine in Raffles Hotel and is fighting off dehydration with gin slings , while glaring at herself in the mirror .
