Hungry turkey, nicknamed Joe Hockey, chasing emeritus professor on a walking stick for his Chiko roll.
A
cash strapped Australian university has
devised brilliant ways to
overcome the problem of reduced Federal funding – regular scrub turkey raffles
and sly grog running .
Leafy James Cook University , Townsville , has
more marauding scrub turkeys on campus than
birds in an Alfred Hitchcock
horror movie . The aggressive turkeys grab paper bags containing
sandwiches from students, relentlessly chase fleeing sausage rolls , fight over
crumbs and are believed to
have eaten slow moving students and ones
who have a quick kip on the grass after a late night
in the Flinders Street nightclub precinct. Several
long - haired students have not
been
seen in class
for weeks and it is thought
they were waylaid
by
a gang of turkeys and pecked to
pieces, their skeletons ending up in the School
of Medicine as cheap teaching aids .
Other missing students
may b e stumbling
about on Magnetic Island after a full
moon party . The uni senate
has muscled in on the huge home brew
society started by an enterprising
student and slapped a tax
on the vast quantities of moonshine it produces. Brandishing a tommy gun , Eliot Ness and
The Untouchables are certain to raid the university in the near future . Meanwhile , scrub turkey raffles are proving more popular than regular pub
chook raffles and SBS is
planning to run a 10-part
prime time series- 101 Ways to Cook a Scrub Turkey and end up a Doctor
of Philosophy
.
