More famous and thirstier than the Ancient Mariner , Little Darwin’s acclaimed columnist / illustrator , Peter Burleigh , captured Admiral Assange , above , in full regalia , preparing for his journey to exotic Magnetic Island , now part of Ecuador.*
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LONDON: In an audacious overnight move, Ecuador claimed sovereignty over Magnetic Island , North Queensland , and appointed Julian Assange its governor , with the rank of Admiral of the Fleet and Communications Minister . On the island , the brave WikiLeaks founder will also be responsible for planning Fourth of July Celebrations , Schoolies Week , Full Moon Party Landings , dredging the safe harbour , concreting the Nelly Bay foreshore and investigating Alma Bay cane toad race fixing allegations following a suggestion that one of the jockeys bet against himself in the recent Melbourne Cup.
With so many fancy titles , Admiral Assange has automatic diplomatic immunity and will be allowed to leave the Ecuadorean Embassy here in the Queen’s Coronation coach , waving to the cheering throng on his way to Heathrow for the VIP flight to the Magnetic Island international airport. The Queen has graciously given Admiral Assange one of her favourite Corgis- Regal Crusty Pommie Pork Pie- to act as a drug sniffer dog at the island’s ferry terminal . In the Ecuadorian capital, Quito, it was announced that ancient maritime maps prove that the explorer and legendary national hero , Captain Alberto Santamaria , sailed a balsa raft to the mysterious South Land in l450 and came ashore at what is now the Scotch Thistle infested nudist beach on Magnetic Island . In those days the isle was known as New Noosa, occupied by chanting, fat - bellied men , members of a weird cargo cult , who got about in white footwear.
Captain Santamaria bought New Noosa for twice the amount the Dutch paid Indians for Manhattan Island . Then he proudly took possession of the island for Ecuador . The island was overrun by pesky koala bears at the time , so Captain Santamaria caged hundreds of them and took them home on the raft and started a Kentucky Fried Koala franchise , which made him fabulously rich . With the passage of time, the fact that Ecuador owned New Noosa became lost , until just last week .
On hearing this information , the current Ecuadorian leader , President Rafael Correa , a man of action , who, unlike Australian politicians , tolerates no nonsense from the abusive local media in his country , realised that he had the answer to the Julian Assange embassy siege in London. He ordered the immediate annexation of Magnetic Island. As Julian once lived on Magnetic Island with his mother, he is delighted to be able to return in triumph, wearing a uniform from Madame Tussauds extensive wardrobe.
Little Darwin will provide startled readers with further exclusive details of Julian Assange’s top secret and dynamic plans for this new part of Latin America . With his big picture view of the world, Admiral Assange is expected to transform the entire nearby feeble Queensland economy, on the brink of being flogged off to a Spanish pawn shop or a Japanese scrapmetal dealer.
* Peter Burleigh recommends the www.cagle.com website which specialises in political cartoons and commentary , highlighting the fabulous work of Taylor Jones , wearer of a French type beret, renowned for his caricatures, cartoons and editorial illustrations . A veteran illustrator himself, Burleigh is a movie buff as well and points out that Admiral Assange’s uniform is like the one Gregory Peck wore in the l950s playing the part of Captain Hornblower , RN.
STOP PRESS : PALMER BACKS ASSANGE!!!
Prominent Queensland businessman , Clive Palmer, has heartily endorsed the news that Magnetic Island has been taken over by Ecuador and will be governed by Admiral Assange. In an exclusive interview , carried out in a cone of silence so that the CIA could not hear, Big Clive said he would strongly urge Ecuador to also annex Moreton Bay , the Gold Coast and Kingaroy to save Queensland from being ruined by the Infidel. Palmer also offered Admiral Assange the use of his luxury yacht , SS Titanic, as a gunboat to protect Magnetic Island from unwashed backpackers , the Townsville City Council and a Bay of Pigs invasion . Plans for a massive dinosaur theme park have also been drawn up by Palmer for Picnic Bay on Magnetic Island and will be put before Admiral Assange for his stamp of approval.
