BRISBANE: Fear, sweating and an outbreak of prickly heat is spreading throughout the Liberal National Party after Germaine Greer revealed that there have been great advances in Queensland education . Ms Greer , fashion adviser to PM Julia Gillard, broke the shock news that half the Queensland population can now read and understand the directions on a packet of sugar-impregnated breakfast cereal. This is a dramatic increase in the literacy levels of Bananalanders and could be blamed on Peter Beattie’s Smart State campaign eventually showing results. Back in the bad old days when Joh , above , seen engaging in mental telepathy with his Martian uncle , ran Qld there were border checkpoints which made sure southerners were kept out of the state and the Oakies were gerrymandered. His chooks did not ask the right questions ; Queensland cars ran on high octane tap water; brown paper bags were passed about in large numbers and white shoes - indicating purity and ethical standards in business - were worn in the Big End of Town. It seems this folksy situation has changed dramatically in just six months without the pollies being aware. Much of the populace obviously still had trouble reading the directions on packets of rice bubbles and how to vote cards when the last state election saw the ALP rubbed out , turning the state into a gulag. Now, however, people throughout the state are closely examining , with a Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass bought on e-bay , the fine print on everything from toilet paper ( some of the Chinese product surprisingly made from bamboo and cotton ) , chocolate bars , packets of jelly beans and ministerial statements ...and they are now baying for the heads of the LNP, similar to bloody scenes from the French Revolution .This is an alarming situation for the government, spin doctors and huckster. Due to a crash course in reading , Ms Greer said a large percentage of the Qld population now boasts membership of the intelligent Mensa Club. By contrast, a survey of Queensland LNP politicians has revealed that while most of them could read simple sentences like THE CAT SAT ON THE MAT , they had difficulty understanding long words such as SACK. Most thought sack is a hessian container in which a mugwump with a grand command of the Queen’s English, who spent a lot of time in Queensland in former years, conducting talk-a-thons in the confines of a VW late at night, said most of the leaders of the Western world should be shoved and then thrown into the drink. Drink, for the benefit of LNP members, in this context, is not the popular Queensland brew, XXXX. Throwing Qld LNP leaders into a vat of fomenting beer, though tempting, would undoubtedly produce something worse than dishwater.
