Little Darwin Locked Out *** Scouts Missing *** Door & Pollies Unhinged ***Parliament Reduced To Bunch Of Crocks *** Territory Health Department Rebranded By Comedian
(Our resident , mild mannered gonzo journalist found himself locked out when he went to report on the current session of the Legislative Assembly. Attempting to enter the West Wing public gallery, he found it locked . When the security guard was asked why, he was told there were not enough guards. Obviously , this is a direct result of the PM’s announcement about the threat from home grown terrorists and the need to be ever vigilant. Then the guard quizzed him about any mobile phone , baby feeding bottles or other troublesome things he might have in his fashionable Guy Fawkes manbag which could interfere with the parliamentary proceedings.) This is our man’s balanced and responsible report -
KEEN TO SCALP and kneecap as many members of the NT Government as possible , the CLP performed like whooping injuns on the warpath at the Little Bighorn . In the wild fight there was collateral damage on both sides. Jodeen Carney took leave of absence before the wagons were even drawn up into a protective circle and the Sioux, Blackfoot and Iriquois began their onslaught. Former renegade squaw , Marion Scrymgour, hit in the foot and limping with the help of an ALP peace pipe converted into a walking stick, bravely held her ground, fought on . Somebody was seen tottering about with his arm in a sling , perhaps wounded by a fluke hit by an F Troop sharpshooter.
John Elferink, given to invoking Biblical , historical and classical names and events, mentioned Colonel Custer in a bloodthirsty verbal onslaught , one which would have surely unnerved John Wayne, he of enormous grit. The Opposition felt they were winning when senior government members retreated from the chamber to seek Dutch courage at Miss Kitty's OK Saloon before launching a surprise nuclear attack on the invading redskins. In what looked like a repeat of the President Bush media conference in downtown Baghdad , an angry looking Blackfoot warrior whipped off his black moccasins ( that's why they became known as the Blackfoot ) and hurled them at the Big White Chief who speaks incessantly with a Territory tongue .
Then the Health Minister , Kon Vatskalis ,began to show signs that the mean-looking hombre , Geronimo , had shot him in the lung. Sitting at his laptop looking up recipes for Territory sea slugs to promote our seafood industry , Kon began coughing like a consumptive . Out came the white hanky- but it was not to indicate surrender to the howling heathens ; a loud blow of the snozzle ensued,producing a sound reminicent of the mating call of a Mongolian Trotting Duck ; followed by more coughing . The Speaker looked concerned , as if about to run down from her fort and apply mouth to mouth to the minister . The thought of kalamari and garlic probably put her off that course of action . After another coughing fit, he bundled up all his seafood cooking books and stumbled out of the chambers . By this stage the government side was starting to look as thin as those terrible moments at Colonel Custers famous last stand.
Up in the public gallery actually open to the public, which is behind glass, and likely to be invaded by noisy schoolkids at any moment , a person with a sense of humour said the departure of the coughing and spluttering health minister did not project a positive image about the state of the Territory’s health department . If Kon were suffering from swine flu , a special Greek strain at that , he could decimate all the cast in Buffalo Bill Cody's Wild West Show being fought out in the chamber. The comic fellow went on to say that it was a misnomer to call it the Health Department . It was the Sickness Department, and you should try and keep away from it at any cost.
While Ms Scrymgour was on her feet fending off the slings and arrows of the CLP attack,she broke off her speech to kindly warn one of the Opposition, probably Sitting Bull , not to push on a door as there is something wrong with the hinge . It could have gone off like an IED and done him an injury . This kind cessation of hostilities was like the time during the war to end all wars when the Allies and the Germans stopped slaughtering each other to celebrate Christmas .
While Ms Scrymgour was on her feet fending off the slings and arrows of the CLP attack,she broke off her speech to kindly warn one of the Opposition, probably Sitting Bull , not to push on a door as there is something wrong with the hinge . It could have gone off like an IED and done him an injury . This kind cessation of hostilities was like the time during the war to end all wars when the Allies and the Germans stopped slaughtering each other to celebrate Christmas .
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