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Bowditch , it will be revealed , had a most unusual experience at the Anglican church in Darwin . In these photographs he is seen about to give away the blushing Kiwi bride and Northern Territory News paperboys he organised to form an arch of rolled newspapers for the married couple.
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A bleary-eyed individual who claimed to be an
experienced photographer approached Bowditch for a job and
while the News had no capacity to make pictorial
blocks at the time , Jim said he would keep him in
mind if there was an opening in the future. The man
drifted about town and fronted court in
a case involving a well known prostitute who appeared in pornographic snaps taken by him. She told the
magistrate the nude
photos had been taken so that in her dotage she could
see what she looked like in younger days. Showing her one
photograph, the magistrate
asked if it had been taken for the day when she could no longer bend over backwards.
By Peter Simon
Next to the News building, in Smith Street , on the
harbour side,was the Anglican Christ Church , where the incumbent
was Reverend Father Arthur
Gwynne-Jones , a pontifical-voiced
Englishman , with short legs
but a large , long body . Also
known as the Liquor Vicar and the
Shikker Vicar, he loved food and alcohol
in their devilishly seductive forms.
He and Bowditch had a most unusual relationship . Bowditch first met the cleric at the Navy’s
HMAS Melville Chiefs and Petty Officers’ Mess , strategically
located just across the road from both the house of
worship and the newspaper , where both
men adjourned to bend the arm.
Perched on a stool and viewed
from the back , Bowditch said Gwynne -Jones resembled two pears sitting
one atop the other. He had a large body and a
similarly shaped head , with a peaked crown; his bulging jowls extended to the almost non-existent
neck. All up ,he weighed about 18 stone. At the time he was telling “off colour jokes” to the
sailors. In a colourful turn of
phrase, Bowditch described him as a man
who preached like a saint, drank as if
the world was about to run dry and swore like a saddle sore stockman .
The minister was said to have come to Darwin from Quorn , South Australia, in l955
where ,it was suggested by an overweight jockey, he had been known by the
nickname ,“Hector the Rector”, a
thirsty chap . In Darwin he soon established a reputation as a legendary imbiber. Barmaids used to refuse him service when deep in his cups and he would bellow at them , his face
crimson , “I am the vicar!-apparently expecting them to be overcome by awe. Seasoned Darwin barmaids could handle any situation, and firmly told him to
go home.
The vicar also frequented the Darwin Club
where, on becoming tired and
emotional, he imposed on some
poor member of his flock to drive him
home. One of the non-church
attending adherents turned into a reluctant
good samaritan by the vicar
was Les Penhall, who had been in
Alice Springs during Bowditch’s time . When the
vicar slumped down into Penhall’s Morris
Minor , the springs sagged and it took on a lean .
ODD COUPLE SQUASHED TOGETHER
A Darwin Protestant church leader used to often refer to the new
Church of England head in Bowditch’s
presence as the “ clerical error”. Bowditch claimed authorship of the title “ Shikker Vicar ”. The vicar used to invite
Bowditch to the vicarage for
a drink and a chat ; his
refrigerator was well stocked on such occasions. While he had catholic tastes when it came
to liquor , gin proved to be more than
mothers’ curse - it got the vicar into much trouble .
At social functions the
vicar instructed waiters
to supply him with three parts gin and
one of squash. The
waiters would present him with a glass, say, “ Your squash, vicar .”
Demon squash resulted in a most embarrassing situation . Bowditch drove the vicar, who was in full
regalia , to the official
blessing and party to mark
the opening of the swimming pool at the Rum
Jungle uranium mine community centre at
Batchelor.
Somehow, the ebullient
vicar , who had been drinking many squash , fell into the pool, with a great splash. Like a giant wet walrus , he was dragged from the pool, laughed about
his swan dive , apologised to ladies whose dresses had
been drenched by the tidal wave , and
called for another squash.
When people at the party heard that Bowditch and the vicar had come down together from Darwin
they cracked jokes about the
odd couple. Gwynne - Jones responded by saying
Bowditch had been good company,
and had behaved like a “ little angel ”. Outraged members of his flock petitioned church authorities to transfer him elsewhere.
VICAR RAILS AGAINST LITTLE ANGEL
The cleric regularly walked by the News office and often
called out to or
had a chat with Jim through the louvres. When he ordered some job printing , the relationship turned nasty .
Because the print job was not
regarded as urgent and it
was a major task just getting the newspaper out, it was put
aside. The vicar would frequently drop in and ask for his printing. Time and time again, he was told that it was just about ready. Annoyed,one day he came into the office and began to abuse the girl at the counter. Bowditch threw the vicar,
swearing, out of
the office.
The man of the
crumpled cloth then wrote a letter of complaint
down south to the directors
and said the News was a nest of
communists. This claim was
probably due to the fact that one of the
staff in the factory, in
which it was torrid to work, said
the place was like a
Siberian prison camp , and draped a red flag on a stick out the window,
which nobody bothered to remove. Another
possible cause of
concern for Sydney would have been the
member of staff who annoyed Bowditch by
cutting out hammers
and sickles and Nazi swastikas ,
all in red, and pasting them to the wall.
When they were removed
under instructions by Bowditch, the man would set
to and cut out replacements .
The vicar also complained that parties
in the News staff quarters on the
verandah facing the church, even though there was a vacant allotment in
between , disrupted his
Sunday morning services . In answer to a complaint , police went to one
party at the News on a Sunday and ended up having a drink with
the boys.
At the church , an elderly lady played the harmonium , a keyboard instrument in
which notes are produced by
air blown through reeds. To supply the wind she had to
pump furiously with her feet .
Amused members of the flock said
it seemed there was a race between
the
hard working organist and the vicar to
come to the end of a hymn . At
the end of each hymn , she would wipe the sweat from her brow.
Because of his odd body shape, the vicar had difficulty keeping his pants up . One
day he narrowly escaped
dropping his trews in front of the congregation
as he shuffled from the aisle to the preaching desk. During
one evensong, he became
annoyed by the loud bingo call from the nearby Chiefs and Petty Officers’ Mess ,
so he lifted up his skirts , ran down
the aisle to the front of the church and bellowed
at the Navy establishment to cut the
noise.
MAN TO MAN TALK
A woman who used to
clean the vicarage was
often paid with the shrapnel from the
church collection plate. An exceedingly erratic driver, the vicar was involved in an accident
at the Botanical Gardens , but it was hushed up.
On receipt of a
strange telephone call asking him to
come and see him , Bowditch went to
the vicarage . When he arrived
the hospitable vicar turned on
some drinks. It became evident that the cleric was leading up to something.
Finally, the startling reason for the invite was revealed. He told Jim that he had
a personal problem , and seeing that he , Bowditch, was a man of the world , he might be able to
help him.
Much to Jim’s surprise ,
the vicar then took out his penis and pointed to what
looked like several
sores. Did Bowditch have any
idea what it might be ? In typical
Bowditch fashion, Jim laughed and said :
“ You dirty old bugger -you’ve got the
pox, vicar ! ” This had momentarily stunned him , but Bowditch quickly added that he was only joking , that it
was obviously a growth . He advised him to see a
doctor. Bowditch said he had
been surprised
to think that Gwynne- Jones had
been so embarrassed he had not
consulted a doctor. The
vicar took Jim’s advice, saw a doctor and reported back, possibly not through the louvres, that
it had been a fungal growth due to his sweaty crotch.
Bowditch had a long
association with the Anglican
church warden , Peter Spillett , a civic minded public servant who was
a member of the first Darwin Town
Council , elected in
l957 with dire predictions that
it would collapse. Spillett
said Bowditch and reporter Jim Kelly
had given the council good and fair coverage in the paper and
helped it to survive . The
newspaper treatment had
raised the image of the council
in the public’s eye and “
kept it honest ”. By l959 Darwin was declared a city without a town hall, no workforce , no money .
Despite all the problems , the council built an Olympic swimming pool
open to all races.
VICAR SACKED, BECOMES PEN PUSHER
As the
warden of Christ Church, Spillett had the painful task of writing to church authorities to have
the vicar removed. When the
church refused to extend the minister’s incumbency, he left and got a job as a
clerk at the Works and Housing
Department, living in a
hostel. A joke spread around town
that it was hoped he would not make a clerical error in his new job.
He and Bowditch clashed
in competitive fashion in the impromptu speech section at
the North Australian Eisteddfod .
The subject was a
room of your own . The ex-vicar, with a booming voice which sounded like Prime Minister Menzies, won. When Gwynne-Jones decided to quit Darwin and
return home to England a series of farewell parties
were held for him in various hotels.
At one in the Victoria, he had his photograph
taken several times by this writer using a
camera which used one shot flash bulbs . He took two of the spent bulbs and
held them up to his ears, saying
they would make wonderful earrings for
widgies . At another farewell in the
Hot and Cold bar at the Hotel
Darwin some members of the legal profession, including Dick Ward
, “Tiger ” Lyons and George Dickinson ,
drank to his bright future.
During the drinking session he was asked
what he would do back
in cold England after so long in Australia
. He replied that he
would be staying with his sister and brother-in-law who had a centrally heated house .
Slapping his forehead, he said : “God, I hope the brother-in-law
drinks !” He told the jovial gathering
that when he boarded the plane to leave
Darwin he expected a Scottish piper would play the
Lament. After his departure , word came back that the vicar had moved on to Spain
and was teaching the sons of
the rich how to speak English. It tickled Jim’s sense of the absurd to think that
there were Spaniards
being taught to speak like Bob
Menzies. Bottoms up, no doubt,would have
been an important English expression
he taught his students early in
the piece. His invaluable
recipe for squash could also have
been passed on to the Spaniards .
On one memorable occasion Bowditch took part in a church
group’s debating night and livened up the evening
by saying that to some
people sex and grog were as
important, if not more so, than
religion. The audience gave him an “ appreciative
clap ” for his entertaining, if
unusual , speech . Debating , he felt, should be a
regular part of all schooling as
it helped people to marshal facts, present cases and be confident. NEXT : Oyster King donged
by Fong !
