Monday, March 18, 2019

KNEE LIKE A CAMELEER

An ageing , infirm member of the Little Darwin  team    developed a  clicking , sore  left  knee . A medico  told  him , seeing that he  refused  pain killers , he would  have to  limp  on   and   probably have  his  knee joint replaced  sometime   in  the  future , there  being  a  shortage  of  orthopaedics.

A  kind   German   lady  with   assorted   aching   joints,  pulled out  of  storage a  fancy  knee  guard   with   an  array  of   straps , looking like part of a  masochist's kit ,  and  gave it  to him .  Limping home , he  applied the  guard to  his  knee , not sure  if  the straps were  in the right place . For days , he  lumbered about with a lumpy looking   brown   knee , which  gave the  appearance of  a  wounded  elephant .
 
The  looks he received when he went to the  local shopping centre  with his bulbous  knee  to  get the morning  paper  were  interpreted  as  both  sympathetic  and  I  hope  it  is  not  catching . One day, strapped on with difficulty , the guard  resembled one of those  crazed  squid  that   gather  in  South Australian  waters   to   mate.     

Slapping  the   device  on   for a  special  trip   to and   a  tour of  the  Jezzine  Barracks in Townsville , with  its  extensive ,  fabulous   militaria collection, old  forts , art gallery ,  he   looked  like he  was  carrying  a  war  wound . 
 
Clambering up  the  old forts area , his knee  clicked  like  the sound track of Click Go the Shears, he rested under the  Australian and American flags  at the  top , with  panoramic  views   of   the   city  and   Magnetic  Island .

Two days later , early in the morning , about to strap on the knee guard , he came to the conclusion (slow thinker?)  that  he may not have  been putting it together  properly  because it  looked  like one of  grandma's Christmas puddings which had  gone wrong ,  parts  sticking  out  at odd angles   as  usual .      
Sure enough , by trial and error ,  he discovered he had  been wearing it incorrectly  all  the time , the  above configuration possibly right .  Feeling stupid , it reminded him of the old joke about the young bloke who tried to dodge national  service. He was  told that if you wore a  truss  when  you went in for a  medical examination you were instantly  declared unfit   for military service . So off he went for his medical  wearing such a support . 
  
After the examination , the   dodger noticed his report had been marked  ME, and  asked  the   doctor  if  it meant   he  was  medically  unfit  for  service . The reply : " No! Middle East - any bastard  who  can  wear a  jockstrap  upside  down   can  ride  a  camel ! "