Wednesday, November 20, 2013

TURNBULL TOWERS PLAN BIRD - BRAINED , SAYS ALP

Turnbull  trained  NBN  White-bellied  Sea  Eagle

Communications  geek ,  Malcolm  Turnbull , today outlined a  brilliant scheme  to  prune  a  squillion  dollars  from  the  cost of the   National  Broadband  Network  (NBN).  It  involves  training  many   thousands  of  Sea  Eagles   to  carry  messages ,  like  pigeons,  between 100,000  wireless   towers  ,  a   bit  like  the  days of   Cobb  and  Co.  and  the  American  Pony  Express.  This  will do away with  the need for  costly  underground  fibre  cables  and  turn  node cabinets   into   neighbourhood   mushroom   farms  and   sleeping   facilities   for  those  thrown out of  work and  made  homeless   by    the   fiscally  flighty  Abbott  Government .   
 
 In  an exclusive  demonstration , Malcolm gave  Little Darwin  a  bird’s eye  view of  the system in action   from  a  Big Joe Hot Air Balloon  on  a  site  above  a   New England  nudist camp  built around   a  large   yabbie   filled  community  swimming   pond.   Sitting   in  the  basket ,  we  watched  as  an exhausted   Sea  Eagle  flew  in  from  Canberra  , with a   bundle of  top secret  government  information  strapped to  its  back .
 
The   bird landed on   top of   the  tower , which  is  fitted  with  a comfortable  R and R  nest .   Another  eagle  then   grabbed  the  bundle  and rapidly  flew  back  towards  Wagga  Wagga   or Woy  Woy  to   further   prevent  the   media  from   getting   the  secrets, believed   connected  with  the   hush  hush   Operation  Sovereign   Borders .
 
Malcolm  said  he  got the  idea  for the  streamlined, el cheapo  NBN  when he  was  plucked by  his colleagues and  spent   time,    like a  hermit ,  wearing  a   fleecy lined  leather jacket against  the cold, atop  a   treehouse  on  his  farm , contemplating  his  future.  From  his  lofty  retreat, he  noticed  an increasing number of  Vultures  carrying  carpetbags   invading  the  land .Why  not  a network  of  Sea  Eagles to speed up  communications ?  Eureka !  A  modest chap, he said this  scheme  is  the  greatest communication  invention   since  Thomas  Edison  recited Mary  had  a  little  lamb  with  mint   sauce  over  a   strand  of  barbie  wire 


He   does  admit  that  there  are  a  few  teething   problems. In the  bush , gun –toting  National Party  farmers  have a  long history of  shooting  all  eagles,   claiming  they  kill  their  prime  mutton ,  and   the  birds  could  turn  Australia into a   guano   covered   landscape  like  Nauru .  The   ALP  Shadow  Minister for  Communications, Syd  Semaphore ,  ridiculed  Turnbull’s   proposal , pointing out most of the  women at  Melbourne  Cup parties wore  fascinators  made  from  Sea Eagle  feathers. This , he warned ,  indicated  communications   throughout  the  nation would  be  terrible  in  the  months  leading  up to  the  horse race  that stops  the  nation   and  thereafter  in  the   mad build  up  to  Xmas , causing  economic  chaos  throughout  the   land , feathers  to  fly in  political  and  commercial   avaries.