ANOTHER VICTORIAN POLITICAL FARCE - A Pete Steedman Interlude

 

Stern Speaker conducts  lusty singing of  Advance Australia  Fair  to  drown out bellowing  monarchists  in  parliament



The   present constant   uproar   in  the  Victorian  parliament  is  but a storm  in a  teacup   compared  with  the   wild  time  when   Pete  Steedman   “ruled”   the  state   and   took  part  in  an  explosive   debate  over  a   proposal  to   redevelop   the   Melbourne  Botanic  Gardens   and  build  an   inconspicuous   88- storey  tower -  designed  by  Ken  Done-  for  the underprivileged  and  homeless   on  the   prime  site.

 A  rare   DVD  record  of  that  shameless   Tammany  Hall  period   shows  Steedman   and  the   dodgy  Victorian  Treasurer   drinking   from   tinnies  in   parliament .  Somehow ,  American    raucous    stand  up   comedian  , the late   Phyllis   Diller ,  dressed   like  one   of   Cinderella’s  ugly  sisters,   appears  early  in   the  footage , which  explains  that  Comedy  Festivals  in  the  past  have  included  overseas artists ;    her   autobiography ,  entitled  Like   a  Lampshade in  a Whorehouse ,   could  well   inspire  a  book on  current   politics...Financial  Review  artist , David Rowe , having  just  used this  angle  in  another brilliant  cartoon   depicting  a scene in a  Mark  Textor  porn  production  in which there is a familiar  woman  with  a  lampshade  over her  head .
 

The   introduction goes on to   say   that  the  legal  profession  had  received attention  in  the past, now  it is the turn of   politics   in  the  form of  live coverage   of   parliament  “sabotaged”  by  the   Comedy  Company .   In   the  production  ,   Steedman,   billed  as  an ex- politician ,  quick - witted   rebel  and  aggressive  cynic ,   plays  the   part  of  the  Premier ,Vic  Southland,  of  the  Socially Acceptable  Left   Party (SALP) ,   swept  into power  after   Premier  Cain  had  been unceremoniously dumped  after  a  snap election.

An excited  ABC  reporter , outside  parliament ,  says  it is  hard to believe that  Southland , the  former  university  rebel   now  the  truly   enfant  terrible    is   the   head  of   state .   Leader   of   the   Opposition  in  the    ruckus  is   former  Federal  Liberal  president , Tony   Staley , going under the name , Winsom  Sharpe .

Parliament    is   actually    the  St.  Kilda  City   Council  Chamber   and  the  real  Premier , John  Cain , is  a  member  of   the   large   public  gallery  ,  which   joins   in  the  uproar and  fun  .  Outside ,   members  of  the   public  are   demonstrating and  waving  placards   against  the   grandiose   proposal , the  first  Bill  put  before  the  house .   The  Honourable Speaker , none  other  than   seasoned  actor ,  Terry  Norris ( Bellbird,  Cop  Shop ), an  ALP Victorian   politician  for 10 years ,    kicks  off   play  by  singing   Advance  Australia Fair   , while  Staley’s  Liberal  side  counters   with   God  Save  the  Queen.   The  Speaker  then  says  a  prayer , starting  with “As I  lay  me down to sleep ...” he continues  by   fervently  asking   that ,  should  he   die  before  the  morn , all  his  parliamentary superannuation  go  to  his wife.  Steedman is seen   giving   Staley  a   two-fingered  salute .

In  introducing  the    Bill  for  the  development  of  the  Royal  Botanic  Gardens ,Treasurer  Peter   Beating ,  Member   for   Vintage  Ports , actor   Michael  Bishop ,  says   homeless   young   people  wanting  to  crack  a   flat  in  the   tower    will  receive   an  application  form  sent to  the last  known address  and  they  will   be  entered  in   a ballot .(It is interesting to note  that when   Steedman  was editor  of   Broadside , he  took on  the   Housing  Commission  for  failing   to  carry out  its  job.)  

 Development of the  gardens  will  be  a   joint  project  between  the  government , the  Bi-Centennial Authority  and  Sushi of   Japan   (Australia )  Pty  Limited ...there  is  a loud   cry  of  "Don’t come the  raw prawn !” from  Peter   Massey  Ferguson, of  the  Beef  Short  Cuts  Party .

In  a  fine  imitation  of  Prime Minister  Bob  Hawke , the Treasurer  rolls  his eyes, tugs at his  ear  lobes and  shirt cuffs, and announces  that  by  the year  2000  , no  child will  be  living in poverty.  Violently  and   emotionally   opposing   the   wholesale  destruction  of  the Royal Botanic  Gardens     by   SALP    is  the  theatrical  environmentalist ,  Lawn  Green , alias  comedian   Brian  Nankervis ,  popular  in  the  1980s –l990s  as the  eccentric beat  poet, Raymond J.  Bartholomeus ,  a  regular on  Hey  Hey   It’s Saturday  !   Lawn  Green , Member  for  Queensland  Heads  , rises and presents the Speaker with a flower.   His  Environ -Mentals  Party  , he says,  wants  the  whole  of  Australia  placed  on  the  world  wild  life heritage  list.

He  paints   an entrancing  picture of the  nearby untamed  waters of  the  Yarra Yarra  and  the gardens  with  exotic palms ,  exotic  hydrangeas  and grass as far as the eye can see .  Describing  himself   as  homeless ,  he has  an  alternative  plan  for part of  the  gardens ,  which   involves   clearing     the   Cactus  Garden  section  and   replacing  it  with   a  government run   marijuana   plantation .  The  National  Crime Authority   inquiry into the Painters and “Decorators ”  Union ,  he  points out,   had revealed  that  the   illegal  drug  trade  was  worth $600million  annually  , which  equated  to  $40  for  every man, woman and   offspring , clearly indicating  he  was being  overcharged  for  his  supply. 

There   is   uproar  when  he  calls    Premier  Southland  Adolf  Hitler  and refuses to withdraw  the  statement.   At one  stage  in   his   speech, he  leads   a  large group  in  the  singing  of   We  Shall Overcome ;  he  is  dragged  out ,  protesting  ,  by   parliament  security;  the Speaker  declares  the  myth  that   marijuana  is  not  bad  for  you  is obviously   wrong.

In   the  skit , Staley   is  seen  in  a  suit,  down on  his  knees,  praying  .   Steedman also sports  a suit and tie  , as does   the  Treasurer.   The   Opposition Treasurer,  Winsome  Lucky, played by  actor  Val Lefkowsky,  produces leaked  documents   in  which  she   reveals  the  proposed   Act  would  extend  development  beyond   the  Botanic  Gardens  and include  the National Tennis Centre.

This  sensational   information  causes   Premier  Cain, sitting in the gallery, to  jump  to his  feet and  express dismay at encroachment on  his beloved  tennis   arena .  Brandishing  her  roll of  leaked  plans, Lucky  goes on to  say that   Sushi  of   Japan (Australia) Pty.  Limited  is  the front   for  a  scam linked with companies with   names like  Cold, Getting Warmer,  Hot , Very Hot, the  latter controlled  by  three  nominees, including Peter Beating !  By this stage the Treasurer, right , protesting  strongly, rushes  over  and  tries to  grab the  plans   from Lucky ; he  receives   a  knee  in the groin ,  totters  back  to  his  seat  next  to  the  Premier who, smiling,  asks  if  he wants  a  massage.

Parliament is  thrown  into total  uproar , a paper aeroplane is launched,   Staley holds up a  placard : RESIGN. There is  a  vote  of  no  confidence in the  government  and it is  toppled. Looking like two  Queensland   bikies in  leather  jackets  and  wearing dark glasses, the ousted  Premier and his Treasurer, below ,  re-enter parliament  and   monster  Lawn  Green , ordering him  out  of  his seat.   

The   triumphant   new  Premier  says  the  Royal Botanical  Gardens  have  been  run  down by  all the  folk  festivals  held  there . He  announces  a  plan  to  convert  part  of  the  area  into a  36- hole  golf  course  to  attract  American  dollars  to  the state . A  subsequent  vote, however,  results  in a  win  for  the  homeless . A  little boy  is seen throwing   a  paper  aeroplane as part of the celebrations on the winning side of  the  House,which includes the ousted Premier and Treasurer .  

The    DVD  includes  interviews  with the  scriptwriter and  producer and  Steedman and Staley . In one  part ,   Steedman   and   Staley  , above , both  agree  that   all  actors  want    to  play  the  part  of  politicians.   Steedman     makes   the  point  that   this   became evident  after   the   two  bit  actor,  Ronald  Reagan , with  a  desire  to  bomb  the  world,  became the  US  President  . This   was   particularly  attractive to  those  on  Staley’s side of  politics.  Steedman  says  he   wants   to   demean   politics  in   a  bid  to  get  some fresh air  into  the establishment  and  do something  about  the  factions  on  both  sides  which   bedevil   politics.   He caused   Staley to   laugh  when  he  said  he ( Staley ) had  retired from politics  because of  his embarrassment  over   getting   Malcolm  Fraser  into  power  and  would   never   live   down   the  shame .

NUT  NOTE :   When  Tony  Staley   was  Federal  Minister  for  Telecommunications  a group lobbying   for  a   community radio  licence  in Townsville-4TTT-  sent  him  reminders  written  on  coconuts  . He  took those coconuts with him as a souvenir  when he quit  Canberra  and  they  disappeared  .  Anybody   finding  a  few stray  nuts , with   pleading  messages  to  Canberra   on them,  please  contact  us   ASAP . NEXT:  Steedman  gets  Julia  Gillard to  draw up  a contract  for  him  as  he  prepares  to  launch   an  innovative  scheme to  spread  the  sound  of  music  throughout the  nation.