Saturday, September 26, 2009

BIFF--SOCK--KAPOW--WHAM!!! NT HEALTH DEPARTMENT HIRES BRUTAL ENFORCER

In a brilliant deal worked out in a cone of silence at Royal Darwin Hospital , Boosh , the notorious , battle- scarred boxing kangaroo , has been given a lucrative contract to rub out the wallabies at the Tindal RAAF base. Boosh, fresh from appearing as a ruthless enforcer in the latest Channel 9 Underbelly series, will be flown to Katherine in an executive jet and immediately begin bouncing the bothersome bounders.

Boosh has had so many fights he is terrible to behold , with cauliflower ears, a squashed nose like a Pekinese , paws as big as Xmas hams and a rock hard tail which he uses like a Maori club in a brutal , one-sided clash between the All Blacks and the Wallabies .

Little Darwin can reveal that the NT Minister for Marsupial Birth Control , the Honourable , Ron Scissorfingers , VC and Scar , ordered the department to bring in Boosh to rub out the horde of Tindal wallabies which have disrupted aero medical flights. The sensitive minister insisted that Boosh be instructed to only bash the wallabies according to the Marquis of Queensbury rules, no punching below the pouch. At first, standover kanga Boosh was reluctant to abide by this injunction. He favours a quick smack in the chops followed by a ritual disembowelment with his sharp claws.

Not only would this decimate the wallabies , their fur could then be used to start a new Katherine cottage industry making toy koala bear souvenirs for unsuspecting tourists . Any RAAF officers who have heads on them like wallabies have been warned to stay indoors when Boosh is going the knuckle on the base.