AUSTRALIAN TEST CRICKET BUDGET WORLD SCOOP

Treasurer  Scott  Morrison told the Australian media  at the National Press  Club  in Canberra it will have to be patient as the Budget  will  develop like a Test Match .

Much  to  the  consternation of  Channel 9 Wide World of Sport , SkySport ,  Fox Sport, Wally World and  Disneyland,  Little Darwin has  secured the exclusive rights  to  the  looming   sensational  Australian  Test  Cricket  Budget which promises to be nastier than the infamous 1932-33 bodyline series in which the  Pommie bounder  Douglas  Jardine ordered his  bowlers to aim for the Aussie gizonkas .

From a secret location somewhere in the big end of  town , the  tyro Australian Test  team captain  , Malcolm Turnbull , discusses   Budget  spin and  voter  catching  techniques  with  Little  Johnny  Howard , also known  as  the  cat  in  an Akubra hat. A well known cricket tragic, Howard stunned  Pakistan  with his bowling  prowess - able to make the  ball   perform  like  a  cat  on  a  hot tin roof  just after  having been  desexed by the  vet  .  It also  caused  Warnie to  tear out his hair and head for the jungle  . After  the  instructive  chat , Turnbull  has already  started   sledging  the  opposition .

 

 

There is growing speculation that Turnbull will pad up quickly,  block  supply  and then quick as a flash  reintroduce  worthless   Malcolm  Fraser three  dollar  bills with which to  pay workers. Our team of  freeloading  cricket writers , firm  believers in payola , have  compiled  an  amazing  series  for  our  massive readership.

From left  field , Bronwyn Bishop has been lined up to be the Test  drinks  boy, hovering on the boundary  with  gin  and  tonic ,  Grange, hemlock   and  smelling salts , heckled   by  the  prominent    Hillite  journalist  and  cad , Bob Ellis .



Top  subjects  to   be  covered  in  the  future  include Tony Abbott's  most  painful   cricket moment , with   photo ; Labor's  nasty  negative  sneering  policy ;  confessions of a  maiden over ; ball and  vote  tampering  and  the  Conservative  pollie  most suited  for  silly  point , selected from  a  large  field, including a  number of  Bananalanders.

ADELAIDE SAILORS KISS KOALAS IN SHORT TROPICAL SOJOURN

HMAS Adelaide in  port  with  cruise ship  terminal  in  foreground...hula girls and wombats busy .



Australia's  newest  and  largest  warship , HMAS Adelaide , docked in Townsville  and the  Murdoch  Townsville Bulletin marked the occasion with a special wrap around  visitors guide  which treated  the pride of the fleet  like  a cruise ship - with an illustrated list of  10  things for the  sailors  to  do  during their  time  in  port. 

With Townsville  already  involved  flying  supplies to  cyclone  shattered   Fiji ,    the  last  thing  you  expect sailors to be doing is snorkelling  at Magnetic Island , driving to  Billabong  Sanctuary to   cuddle a  pissy Koala  or a  waddling  Wombat ... surely the average Aussie matelot has  had a close previous  encounter with  the aforesaid critters?  A  tour of  CBD  boutiques and  the  imitation  Melbourne  lane  is  also  highly recommended .

As a matter  of  fact  , early on  the day of the  ship's arrival ,  Little Darwin  was  in   the Townsville  Bunnings   and  Army personnel  seemed to be amassing a large  amount of  materials  which  one presumes  was  intended for Fiji .  (A large RAAF   Globemaster  transport  was  seen  coming  into land  soon after.) 

The grey ship will return to Sydney so the crew, which consumes about 1000 cans of Coke a week and 100 chocolate bars a day, will be able to regularly visit Taronga Zoo and Kings Cross to  see the assorted animals  .   On  the ABC this morning   it  said  Australia's flagship  HMAS  Canberra was on  its  way  to  Fiji  from  Brisbane .

AUSTRALIA - ROUTED OR ROWTED ?

With  increasing  evidence of the Americanisation of   Australia's  way of  life-especially in the workplace,  health and education- the  American impact on  pronunciation  of  expressive  French/Anglo  words  is  becoming  irksome.

Take the  old , important  position in  local government,Town  Clerk, the Clerk  expressed  under  Queen's English  as  CLARK. But , on several occasions , on commercial  TV and  the ABC,  which  should  know better , it  has  been  heard  pronounced  the   infuriating  Yankee way,   CLERK .  

And , gnash, gnash, there is the  oft heard  offensive  mouthing of  ROUTE and ROUTED , which  should be  ROOT  and  ROOTED, but is  increasingly  heard  as  ROWT  and  ROWTED ! Australian politicians, academics and  reporters  are  among the offenders  who  ought  be boiled in oil or guillotined  a la  French  for  committing  this  verbal   offence .

A minister in  the Northern Territory Legislative Assembly was  repeatedly  heard    say  vital  equipment   from  interstate  bound  for  Darwin after a power station blew up   was   being  ROWTED  via a  long way  because  of  flooding.   For this gross sin against  the  use of  English,  he was attacked by an angry  Plover  when  he  went  outside onto  the lawn  . Three cheers  for  the  patriotic Plover which  was  protecting   its  patch  and  the  Mother Tongue .

 In  the current sitting of  the  House of Representatives , Immigration  and Border Protection  Minister, Peter Dutton, during a censure motion  against him,  was  heard  say  he would  not  let  refugees on Nauru  use  self   harm  as  a ROWT   to  Australia .

 

A puzzling  account of the heated censure debate , moved by the Greens and  Tasmanian  Independent  Andrew Wilkie,   failed  because the ALP and  Coalition voted against it , Labor's  immigration  spokesman  Richard Marles  quoted as saying  Labor  opposed the  motion, due  to  its " over-egged language."  What?

CURLEW WATCH RESUMES

The  Little  Darwin  resident  Curlews have produced another two chicks .TOP : Mother with  two day olds. CENTRE : First chick spotted peeping out at world from under wing. ABOVE : More adventurous  chick  exploring  surrounds .

 The birth  process was  stressful - to this  blogger and  partner . One night , lolling off to sleep during a television documentary on polar bears  invading a community in the Arctic , this  moulting  twitcher was  informed that there was something upsetting the Curlew sitting on the eggs up  the backyard.

 

It could not possibly be a polar bear , because we are going through a  prolonged  hot, humid  and dry spell. It could be a feral cat , none of which have been caught in the trap , except possums.

A snake  could not be ruled out because  ace  builder Terry Gaffney  had three  episodes with a  persistent python which  kept  trying to get at his  caged  Cockateils , one called Lucky , who , unluckily,  escaped and has not been seen  since. There are  at least  two  Cockatiels missing locally, according to the community  notice  board . 

Terry , a drummer in  a popular  Townsville band  called  Midlife Crisis , caught the snake  after  the third  raid  and released it in a wildlife reserve  not far from a backpackers resort where , with  any luck, it will devour an  Irishman sprawled out  on a nearby  beach  in  a  comatose   state   after   a  Full Moon Party .

Lurching out  the backdoor to investigate  the uproar  ,  the  Curlew  was  heard   screeching  loudly and  on running, more like stumbling ,  up to the nesting spot  a large Possum, a baby on its back ,was seen standing right next to  the bird, flat on  the  ground in protective mode, wings  outstretched, screaming Blue Murder.

Banging throngs together  caused the Possum and passenger to disappear up  a  palm tree ; the  shrieking  ceased . Now that the  chicks have arrived  they will have to be guarded , especially at night , against  cats, snakes and the murderous Barking  Owls. Daytime  has   other  dangers .

 

Five of the six  chicks born previously did not survive . The one that did  live was firmly told to  leave home when the parents  again became broody . And just now it has been noticed that the male bird , who injured  a leg previously , is again  walking with  a slight limp. He also screamed Blue Murder when he was captured and  had his  leg expertly attended to by the wildlife carers from  the  bespoke Man Friday Mexican  restaurant  on  Magnetic Island .

RAILWAY WANTS TO RUN THROUGH TOP END RAILWAY MUSEUM

Strange, concerning situation  has  developed  at  the important , interesting   Adelaide River Railway Museum Precinct  in the Northern Territory . A legal type letter of demand  was  sent to the  railway  by  AARC , the consortium which runs the main North South   rail  link , alleging  illegal structures  and  rolling stock  have been placed on the corridor, and  the  public invited  to come in  and view .

Furthermore  , AARC wants to build a 1.8metre  security fence through the railway museum area, creating access problems and interfering  with the museum's future  plans.

 

The museum's January newsletter, All Aboard ,  outlines the  extraordinary  situation in full , including approaches to the Chief  Minister , Adam Giles, and  local member , Gary Higgins, to no avail, independent  Gerry Wood   the only one trying to  help .

 

There are claims that the government's own Heritage Branch , supposed to protect  the  heritage, has disappeared down a  tunnel like a  ghost train .

The Genealogical  Society of  the Northern Territory , soon to place a well researched  Adelaide River  Pioneer Cemetery plaque  near the railway  museum site , is concerned about  the  situation. 
 

Adelaide River is also the site of the  war cemetery. In the early days of settlement  in Darwin the railway held an annual picnic  at the  river    and  author Xavier Herbert actually worked as a fettler  in the railway camp there  gaining  material  for his  1938    award winning novel about the Territory, Capricornia. 

SEEKING AND VOTING FOR SERGEANT BLAIN IN SINGAPORE

The  1945 official book, Victory Roll, The RAAF  at War, carried an  article  about the end of  WWll and the Catalinas  which  flew  in  medical  supplies   for  the thousands of  prisoners of war  in Singapore . One of them , Sergeant Adair Macalister  " Chill "  Blain , in  the Changi hospital, was  the Independent  Member  for the Northern Territory in the House of Representatives , reelected  during his captivity . 

Sergeant  Blain, a surveyor  who  had worked in  Queensland and  the Northern    Territory  had  twice   been     wounded    in  WWl,  heard of  his  reelection  on  a  secret  radio  set  constructed by  his  fellow prisoners.

 

On returning to parliament  soon after his release ,wearing a crumpled uniform and  two rows of medals , he  received a standing ovation  , then went off and rested for two months  to get over his wartime ordeal   in which he had  sold his  gold  fillings to get medicine for sick comrades.  He lost  the Territory seat in 1949  to Jock Nelson, ALP,  whose  campaign  was  assisted  from Alice Springs by  Jim  Bowditch, later editor of the Northern Territory News in  Darwin .

 

In  the same volume  there  is  mention of  Group Captain Dixie Chapman ,of Adelaide , who had served in the Middle East and England during earlier years, commanded  RAAF squadrons in the Western Desert, took over control on Bougainville,where he represented the RAAF  at the  surrender of Japanese  forces.

 

In  later years , following involvement in the Korean war , and a spell as Air Attaché Washington ,  Chapman was put  in charge of the RAAF base in Darwin  and had dealings  with  Bowditch at  the   News over the low level bombing of   nearby Quail Island .The island  featured in Aboriginal  Dreamtime  and   was  a turtle breeding  ground.

As part of  the long campaign  to stop  the bombing ,  Bowditch  ran  an  editorial , saying  turtles were in the soup  and mentioned  the pitter patter of little children's feet, headed : CLOMP, SLITHER  CLOMP. The  theme being  that  mother  turtles would never hear the sound of baby turtle  flippers on  Quail Island   because  of   RAAF  bombing.

On reading  this amazing editorial, Dixie Chapman , short in stature, was driven to   the News  office in his staff car, and  firmly  told Bowditch  he  had read  a lot of bullshit in his life, but  this editorial  took the prize for the  worst ever . Bowditch  rolled about in his chair, laughing , the air chief joining in .The RAAF   eventually   stopped   bombing  the  island .

TROPICAL QUEENSLAND BY SPOOKY NIGHT, DAY AND FIERY SUNRISE

 

 

 

Machans Beach, north of Cairns , North Queensland , is an area where journalist, editor , historian  and  publisher  Glenville Pike, his  mother and her cousin , referred  by  him as  aunty Dorothy  ,  lived  on  and  off   over the years, at times unexpectedly  visited by  author Xavier Herbert out for a jog . They  returned  there   after Cyclone Tracy flattened  Darwin  on  Christmas  Day  1974, his mother dying  soon after  in Cairns , aunty  in Mareeba .  Photographic  study  by  Abra .