THE MUNGO MAN COMETH

It is no hoax – the bearded skull of political journalist and commentator Mungo MacCallum will speak at an interesting evening in Darwin on Tuesday , June 29. His topic will be " Current Politics and Deplorable Media Coverage " at a function organized by the NT Library .

This Little Darwin fossil had the opportunity to dust down the counter at the grand Non Members’ Bar in old parliament house in Canberra with Mungo and swap anecdotes , including one about a certain ambitious journo who had served time in the Territory.

The laws of defamation prevent any further details of the exchange , punctuated by mad laughing, which made others stare questioningly at us , and some unseemly , not politically correct language passed my lips. I can only let slip that a prominent right wing identity , a garrulous pain in the archaeological pit, was involved in one tale. An inquisitive person later asked me what Mungo and I had been raucously laughing about in the bar. Like George Washington, unable to tell a fib, I told him the subjects involved national security and thus were covered by a D-notice, so my lips were sealed .

It was a time of much younger looking political reporters such as Michelle Grattan, Paul Kelly and Mike Steketee . Like the Phantom of the Opera , Gareth Evans was often seen dashing about the corridors from photo copier to copier, with a tome about the size of Webster’s Dictionary , bemoaning the fact that the machines were out of paper.

Mungo’s enlightened prose and commentaries entertain and inform the nation and his journo colleagues. What a shame the Darwin University radio station does not run his political commentary instead of The Parrot, the cash for mush chap. Mungo’s free talk kicks off at 5.15pm, presumably in the parliamentary library ( the leaflet does not say ) , and bookings are preferred by ringing 1800 019 155 or libraryevents@nt.gov.au. Roll up for what will undoubtedly be more edifying than the predictable outpourings of the right wing commentariat, which includes in its number one who bears a striking resemblance to one of the many feral Northern Territory pygmy hippopotamuses in Darwin Harbour, causing algal blooms and destroying the great floating islands of African water hyacinth that form a Keep Australia Beautiful award winning walkway from Cullen Bay to Mandorah .

BUSINESS SLOW DOWN REPORTS

A variety of businesses in the Darwin area report a slow down in trade. While some of this could be attributed to the end of the financial year , big ticket entertainment events , school expenses , political tensions and uncertainties, the shopkeepers say people are keeping a tighter grip on the purse.


On the other hand, Op shops appear to be experiencing increased sales, especially in clothing , which is interpreted as an indication of what is going on in the economy. High real estate prices , interest rate increases and high rents are contributing to the situation. With talk of 3000 defence personnel being shifted from Darwin to the Edinburgh base in South Australia, starting later this year, this is expected to have a considerable impact on the economy, hopefully on the availability and cost of accommodation .

The fact that Jetstar is reducing its service through Darwin is being read in some business circles as an indication that some of the oil and gas boom expectations and associated pressures could be diminishing.

A Queensland source in the real estate business says the market there is tough , with cautious buyers , some seeking bargains , lots of properties for sale and only reasonably priced ones selling. In Sydney, where real estate prices were rising before Easter , the market has turned down to a degree.

WAITING FOR BUSO # 5

( Samuel Beckett's study tour of Darwin's public transport .)

All travel on the bus was free one day because there were no tickets. On being told this, an Italian man, who had proffered his fare , said he had travelled on the bus for 20 years and this was the first time there was no charge. In a theatrical way , he spread his hands like one of the three great tenors and sang Arrivederci Roma .

There he was again , the harmless , but obviously troubled soul in the Buso # 1 trip who thought Germany had been the best role model before the Sudetenland annexation , the invasion of Poland and the subsequent outbreak of general hostilities. Pointing at the two tower blocks on the Daly Street end of the Esplanade , he chortled , exclaimed , “ Accommodation for the people.” Plucking two cigarettes from his pocket , he passed them to a startled Aboriginal sitting behind him and said,” Happy New Year .”

Three elderly Aboriginal women, the front one unsteady on her thin legs , probably due to hip displaysia , shuffled down the aisle. Gallantly, the man pointed to the seat next to him and twice told her to be careful and not fall as she slowly lowered herself down, finally sitting slightly hunched.

Then , noticing that an A4 size brown envelope carried by one of the other women had rainwater on it, he took it from her , wiped it with his hanky , placed it a plastic bag , twirled it several times until it was completely water tight , and handed it back. The worn woman sitting next to him looked about with a smile on her face . In his peculiar way , this gent has warned against the folly of war, treated women in general with respect and spread goodwill among bus travellers . He may get to see Godot, unlike so many other sinful commuters who are clearly destined for the fire and brimstone depot .

COMPETITION FOR CLAIRVOYANT

If it is okay for the tabloid NT News to hire a clairvoyant, it is only fitting that Darwin’s most respected broadsheet , the Cullen Bay Cock Up , winner of five Walkley Awards for dodgy journalism, should engage a crystal ball gazer as part of the vicious circulation war .

Known as Madam Magic Balls, the highly regarded seer has an international reputation for predicting future events. For example, she told countless dateless and desperate women that a tall , dark man , with the IQ of a warthog , and a crazed soccer fan , would come into their lves . As a result , nunneries throughout Europe now have house full signs .

In an exclusive interview with Little Darwin , we crossed Madam Balls’s palm with an IOU and a bottle of gin under plain wrapper for a spooky view into the future . Her ball clouded over after the first swig and she had to apply Mr Sheen before she could get an unobstructed line of sight.

According to her , she could see a muscle- bound boofhead , surrounded by corporate lifestyle gnomes , headed for a crash. Another person could clearly be seen injecting large amounts of equine growth hormone , strangely jumping in and out of boxes , and braying like an ass or Mr Ed the talking horse.

GREAT SCOTT RESURRECTED

Few people know that an uncrowned king came a cropper in Darwin when he took on media magnate Rupert Murdoch. Little Darwin was reminded of this clash while attending the auction of a Nightcliff property which went for under $1million . At the sale was a woman who came from Mount Gambier, South Australia, where the “king”- forceful and acquisitive trucking tycoon and media owner , Allan Scott, owner of the town’s local newspaper and TV station ,with interests in several other SA newspapers, reigned .

In 1980 Scott hit the Territory in a big way, buying two independent newspapers, both called The Star, in Darwin and Alice, owned by separate companies . He also offered to buy the Alice commercial radio station 8HA and said he would like to build a commercial TV station in the Centre . In Darwin he attempted to buy the commercial TV station NTD-8 and with a bit of spare cash bought Gulf Transport .

On buying the Darwin newspaper, in which Kerry Byrnes, now of Arnhem Nursery, Humpty Doo ,was a co-founder, Scott announced he would install a web-offset press and turn the newspaper from a weekly to a bi-weekly , then a tri-weekly. This was clearly throwing down the gauntlet to Murdoch’s daily NT News .One of Scott’s executives was a close friend of the SA Premier, Don Dunstan

A free newspaper -The Sun- was launched by the News to counter Scott’s challenge . The Star went from a tri-weekly back to a weekly in early 1982, staff left after a dispute and the paper eventually folded.


The uncrowned king , who at one stage was said to own 15 percent of the Bank of Adelaide, withdrew to Mt Gambier . Scott erupted with anger when he read an article in the Australian Business Monthly headed MURDOCH SENDS A KING INTO EXILE.

Because of his tough talking and media influence , South Australian politicians deferred to him and when Port Power Australian Rules team, which he sponsored , had a bad run , he said the coach, Mark Williams , should be removed. Port went on to win the premiership and Williams, in effect, thumbed his nose at Scott as he held the trophy aloft.


In Mt Gambier Scott was so powerful that when one of his trucks rolled and blocked the main road leading into the town, he ordered the editor of his paper, Border Watch , not to report the matter. Town residents observed that Scott , small in stature , was invariably dressed in black like a member of the mafia when he attended race meetings; over the years he donated large amounts to SA race tracks.

In Darwin , he had the disconcerting habit of driving about the city , often disregarding red lights , pointing out businesses that were up for sale which he could buy if he so wished. Scott clearly had big ideas . He expressed a desire to buy the Adelaide Advertiser and on several occasions said he would buy Ansett airlines if it came up for sale, mentioning WA businessman Robert Holmes a Court as a member of a possible consortium. News Limited had a half share in the airline at the time and it was common knowledge that Scott disliked the late Sir Peter Abeles because of competition in the transport business. Scott’s dislike of Sir Peter was such that he would never travel in an Ansett plane and was known to drive to Alice and catch a TAA flight rather than take an Ansett plane. Aged 85, Scott died in 2008.

EDITOR TO BE EXECUTED ?

LONDON : The Queen has ordered that the editor of the Northern Territory News be lodged in the dreaded Tower of London for allowing her photograph to be run in the newspaper with details for lodging advertisements over the Queen’s birthday weekend.

It is just not the done thing to use the Queen in common advertisements . While it is okay for a gin company to boast that , by royal appointment, it is a supplier of its product to the Queen Mother, it is the worst kind of lese-majesty to run a photograph of the monach in a tiara drawing attention to classified advertisements. Furthermore, the outrageous advertisement was on a page of public notices dealing with bingo nights, abandoned cars and a footie club called The Bulldogs , which sounds suspiciously British, not Orstralian .

A Buckingham Palace spokesman told Little Darwin that Her Majesty , Queen Elizabeth 11 , affectionately called Lizzie Two Stroke by staff , has ordered a team of Beefeaters be flown to Darwin to arrest the offending editor. If Jetstar has not cancelled the Singapore connection, the Beefeaters could arrive on Friday . Getting through airport safety checks with their razor sharp halberds which are long handled weapons with a head consisting of an axe and a spear could be a problem.

The editor would almost certainly be hung, drawn and quartered , the spokesman chuckled. Australia’s most avid supporter of the monarchy, Professor Fred Flintstone, recently made a member of the Order of the Garter and Rusty Suspender, was outraged when Little Darwin informed him of the newspaper’s dastardly offence. “The editor is a cad , a bounder , a bally idiot , probably a Garibaldi-ite and a despicable republican,” Professor Flintstone shouted, losing his normal academic cool. There was no way in the world that media magnate Rupert Murdoch would ever get a knighthood now that one of his papers turned the Queen into a commoner flogging advertising space, Flintstone thundered. He volunteered to personally flog the editor in the Smith Street Mall stocks , finishing off the initial punishment and entertainment with a fireworks display arranged by Guy Fawkes .

In the interests of balanced reporting, Little Darwin attempted to contact the newspaper’s editor to get his side of the story , but we were told that he is hiding in a WW11 underground bunker disguised as a chain smoking Princess Margaret . The Duchess of Pork told us , for a small fee, she could arrange a meeting with Princes Margaret and a cute financial advisor .

POPULAR WOMAN IN PUZZLE

There is something of a mystery surrounding the spelling of the surname of Darwin’s energetic businesswoman , community worker and fund raiser , the late “ Auntie Billie.” The NT Dictionary of Biography has her surname , from a second marriage , as PITCHENEDER .

In the Australia Day News issued on January 26 this year one of the highlights was presentation by the Darwin North Rotary Club of the Aunty Billie Christening Cup to the first child born at the Royal Darwin Hospital on Australia Day . The cup , it said, honoured Auntie Billie PITSCHENEDER , a tireless worker for many charities.

The History Society of the NT in a 2008 newsletter apologized for incorrectly spelling Auntie Billie’s name , stating it should be PITSCHENEDER. Part of the Parap Housing Commission complex ,where she lived late in life , was named PITSCHENEDER COURT, a plaque honouring her continuing contribution to the Darwin community and work for charities.

Big in stature , energy and drive, she ran a catering business in Darwin , was an active participant in many community organizations and raised large amounts of money for worthy causes, including the rebuilding of the Chinese temple after Cyclone Tracy . A frequent visitor to the NT News in the days when it was situated in the “ tin bank” in Smith Street , she threw an annual birthday party for the newspaper. In fact, she called so often at the newspaper with cakes and sandwiches , editor “Big Jim” Bowditch, really a slight fellow, feared he would end up looking like Billy Bunter or Fatty Arbuckle , so politely asked her to desist. At times she unburdened problems on Bowditch and literally cried on his shoulder, engulfing the startled editor with her shaking , ample bossom.

When in 1961 she married Peter Pit(s) cheneder , a ship’s cook, she swept her beloved up in her arms at the reception . For him to have recipricated may have risked a double hernia, she being such a large bundle of charms. When Peter died ,The Star newspaper reported he was PITCHENEDER . Governor-General ,Sir Zelman Cowen, presented Billie with the BEM and she also received the Queen’s Jubilee Medal. In 1980 she was named Citizen of the Year by the Darwin Australia Day Committee.