WASHINGTON : In shock breaking news , the CIA firmly states that Russia has been actively involved in an evil, extensive plan to destabilise Australian governments. Part of the dastardly plot involves putting large doses of colourless clumsy drug in government office watercoolers throughout the land , which causes people in high places to make stupid decisions .
This has already resulted in the Country Liberal Party in the Northern Territory leasing the Port of Darwin to the Chinese for 99 years ; plans for the new ASIO headquarters in Canberra falling into the hands of the Chinese ; former PM Tony Abbott knighting the Duke of Edinburgh ; plans for Australia's French submarines being served up in an Indian takeaway ; the nightfoundered Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull losing his thread on just about everything , waving his arms about like a pea and thimble trickster , all the time talking about innovation, jobs , increasingly looking and sounding like a dowfart .
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Reds under Hanson's Czar-sized bed ?
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Bags of Russian roubles were secretly donated to the election campaign of Pauline Hanson's One Potion Party and the True Grit Party to help reduce Australia to a babbling , shooting iron-toting nation of Balkan states , according to the spooks .
The highly detailed CIA report says President Putin personally ordered the Moscow Dirty Tricks Department to give Australia the works after he returned in a filthy mood after attended the useless G20 conference in Brisbane, during which he was pissed on by a smelly Koala and the Rasputin of Warringah threatened to tear off his freshly starched dicky.
President elect Donald Trump reacted to the release of the startling CIA report by tweeting that he is not concerned as Austria is a tiny European country where men get about in leather pants, slap each other on the back and do girly dances .
