IN BREAKING SHOCK NEWS for Queensland LNP Senator Barnaby Joyce, he will be challenged for pre-selection in the seat of New England by a well known local- Peter Piper , above, who picked a peck of pickled pumpkins in record time and is listed in the Guinness Book of Records. Piper is shown here with his mother who is helping him cross the road in Tamworth as he carries one of his famous pumpkins to the Country Women’s Association trade table to swap for a plate of curried lamingtons. Apart from being obsessed with pumpkins , Peter, a true blue/green National , is often seen chasing sheep around the family property , Green Acres. And at night he goes to sleep , clutching his Mr Bean teddy bear , counting sheep and then dreaming about cuddly Lamb Chop . Piper’s favourite TV show is Swamp People.
The independent member for New England, Tony Windsor, one of the few reasonable members of parliament , is expected to resign and join a travelling circus as a blindfolded lion tamer for some well - deserved R & R when he hears that Peter Piper is almost certain to get pre-selection . Thwarted by Peter Piper , Barnaby can resume imitating Bob Katter and speaking in algorithms when it comes to matters economic. Barnaby has a tasty recipe for Queensland red emperor pumpkins and is expected to make a guest appearance on Channel 10’s new Dancing with the Red Dwarf.
As everybody knows, the original intended conservative candidate for New England slipped on a banana skin and, sadly, now in plaster from fibula to mortarboard , had to withdraw. He is expecting a touching get well card sometime soon from Tony Abbott, delivered by a Young Liberal on a Malvern Star with a flat tyre. Not everybody in New England is happy about Barnaby being parachuted in from the Sunshine State. Said one disgruntled voter : “ In Bananaland , they moan about southerners moving into their state; now they want to thrust a northerner into NSW to advance Barnaby’s and the National Party’s grandiose plans to take over the political pumpkin patch.” PREDICTION : An anonymous Townsville psephologist (not Malcolm Mackerras), who rides a motorbike and has no visible tattoos , emphatically states that Barnaby Joyce will win the New England lower house seat- if selected.
