Showing signs of exhaustion, this crack team of crime scene commercial cleaners - all skilled 457 Visa workers-is helping Australian Conservative politicians to quickly expunge evidence of serial blood letting in the ranks of those who believe they are born to rule .
Inspired by the Channel 10 Mr and Mrs Murder series, starring Shaun Micallef and Kat Stewart , the Liberals and Nationals engaged the team of experts to quickly clean up after frequent homicides, garrotings and stabbings at party meetings. In recent months Conservative party rooms have often resembled a Jack- the- Ripper murder scene , blood , guts , torn elastic, half eaten pork pies and penny gin ruining plush axminster carpets.
Just last week the tired chimps were flown to Darwin in a mining company private jet to clean up after multiple murders , brawls and mud-slinging in the Country Liberal Party revolving and rotating government . The CLP murder scene was likened to the gory Battle of 1066 when Harold got an arrow in the eye . Struggling Chief Minister Terry Mills , poked in the eye several times by his colleagues, was eventually killed off by rockets fired from a drone operated from the top secret Pine Gap space base , while he was nibbling sushi during a business trip to Tokyo. The hard working team of monkeys is allegedly not paid peanuts , which is hard to believe, and is certain to be investigated by Fair Work Australia , the AWU, CFMEU and the RSPCA.
In Queensland , the Black Hand Gang has been actively bumping off LNP members and close associates with great regularity. It is understood that Colgate Kid, Peter Costello, has been advised to wear John Howard’s old flak jacket should he ever set foot in Queensland again with further great advice for the Newman Government , following delivery of his bumper guide to flogging off the rest of the state , which caused angry wage slaves to take to the streets brandishing sharp scimitars
Recently the true blue Victorian Liberal , Big Ted, was given the Chopper Read treatment by a bunch of buddies wielding samurai swords , his aristocratic blood spraying over parliamentary surrounds . Down in Adelaide, a former Liberal Party leader committed hara-kiri ; former Federal minister Alexander Downer was asked to clean up the bloody mess ; he , reportedly , was keen to do the Liberal housework , but his wife refused to give him the squeegee mop.
Channel 10 carpet strollers , who frequently end up on a slab in a morgue themselves , are naturally delighted and surprised that anybody is taking notice of the station’s television shows.
A Coalition spin doctor, Hector Bombast , admitted the silent simian spring cleaning squad is helping to prevent the public- their brains reduced to mush by the daily media coverage of the latest in handbags, cookery shows , and the ranting of shock jocks- from realising that the Tories are in a worse bloody mess than the ALP. Bombast said the murder scene monkeys would be badly in need of a change in career after all the stressful work in the NT, expected to last for at least three years , and would be strongly recommended to mining magnate Clive Palmer as stewards aboard his made in China Titanic 11.
