Dear Mr Dyson: This is a letter of thanks. Let me explain-
Last month I purchased one of your vacuum cleaners, a Model DC 23. Although I had to pay close to the annual budget of an African republic for it, my wife, who watches television advertisements, insisted that you looked like a nice person and were to be trusted.
We live on an island on the south coast of New South Wales in Australia in a house we designed ourselves, sited right on the bank of the Shoalhaven River and in sight of the sea. It’s a beautiful environment. The wild life loves it, and the snakes do too.
A few mornings ago I went into our bedroom and saw a one-metre Red-bellied Black Snake disappearing under our bed. As we are 30 kilometres from the nearest vet, I didn’t have time to call for help. Although tempted, I decided against using the shotgun we usually apply in Snake vs. Human boundary disputes. Blasting a hole through the carpet and splashing shredded snake and blood on the walls was not an option, and it couldn’t be left to get into the rest of the house – I might never find it again. I couldn’t kill it in situ without making a bloody mess , and you can't shoo a snake out of the room as you might a sheep. So what to do?
I mean this in the nicest possible way, James, but our Dyson sucks. I figured if I could get the tip of the crevice tool onto the snake the suction would hold it tight enough for me to take it outside and drop it in the garden.
As it coiled itself behind a bedside table I managed to place the tool right behind its head. I was right, the suction held it. However, I’d forgotten how elastic and flexible a snake is and its entire metre length was suddenly sucked into your vacuum cleaner, making the same noise Hannibal Lecter did when he mimed eating someone’s liver.Yes, there it was, safely wrapped around the inside of the dust container. It was angry.Assuming it would be easy to empty the snake from the container without endangering myself, I removed the container from the DC23 and took it to the edge of our garden. When I opened the lid I was stunned to find the container was empty.After cautiously inspecting the filter and the cyclone assembly I had to accept that the snake found a way out of the container but as I hadn’t let it out of my sight it must still be inside the vacuum cleaner.The only place the snake could be was inside the hose, so I gingerly forced a broom handle into it, all the while fighting off waves of fear.This didn’t work – the snake didn’t appear. The broom handle didn’t quite reach the far end of the hose so I was forced to conclude that the snake must indeed be in its last few centimetres. I wasn’t about to pick up the hose and look inside, so I clicked everything back together and restarted the DC23.Sure enough, after a moment’s resistance the snake reappeared in the dust container, whirling around and around and by now very displeased indeed. This time I made sure it wasn’t able to "take the tube", so to speak, by quickly emptying it onto the grass.How Peter Burleigh won the 2012 Australasian Good Housekeeping Award with his novel method of dealing with the common problem of snakes in the bedroom, using a gadget which looks like something from an Iranian uranium enrichment plant , irradiated snake visible .
At last I was able to resolve the problem , but frankly I believe the snake had already died from giddiness. As there are no snakes in England, the control of deadly serpents is not among the design innovations claimed for your vacuum cleaners. However, such is the brilliance of the Dyson DC23 that snakes up to a certain size can be controlled.
Please accept this testimonial from your grateful customers,Peter & Judi Burleigh,Comerong Island,New South Wales.
