CANBERRA : The federal government will send in a battalion of battle-scarred grandmothers to straighten out Territory schoolchildren, hoons, barking dogs , piddling pussies , tattooed mothers , yobboes , bikies, parking ticket inspectors, lenient magistrates , crocodiles , the local media , balcony bonkers , joined at the hip spin doctors and any US Marines who play up in Mitchell Street after over- indulging on Coca-Cola and causing riots by shouting Wacko, Digger !
The first batch of hard hitting grannies, above , will be parachuted into Darwin from a C140 transport after they sort out the Duntroon Military College mashers. Many of the tough grans had parts as sly grog sellers, nightclub bouncers and arm wrestlers in the educational Underbelly TV series, which is an inspiration to the youth of the nation, resulting in an outbreak of shootings and hordes of swaggering punks. The decision to call in the grannie shocktroops was made after it was discovered that the 100 extra police promised for the Territory would encounter a situation like Custer’s Last Stand .
General Gertie Giles, a grumpy grannie on hormone replacement, a decorated veteran of six marital skirmishes , with 20 terrified grandchildren whose pampered and obese pets flee whenever she visits, is in charge of the attack group.
In an exclusive interview, she told Little Darwin that the Northern Territory is almost totally dysfunctional and her no-nonsense squad will unleash a campaign of shock and awe .
General Giles refused to give details of a special group of fearsome grannies which is undergoing exhaustive unarmed combat training in a secret location - disguised as an innocent bingo parlour- and is expected in Darwin next week . All the grannies will attract the special federal payment to encourage the employment of people over 50,plus a daily ration of gin and tonic to prevent dehydration.
The first batch of hard hitting grannies, above , will be parachuted into Darwin from a C140 transport after they sort out the Duntroon Military College mashers. Many of the tough grans had parts as sly grog sellers, nightclub bouncers and arm wrestlers in the educational Underbelly TV series, which is an inspiration to the youth of the nation, resulting in an outbreak of shootings and hordes of swaggering punks. The decision to call in the grannie shocktroops was made after it was discovered that the 100 extra police promised for the Territory would encounter a situation like Custer’s Last Stand .
General Gertie Giles, a grumpy grannie on hormone replacement, a decorated veteran of six marital skirmishes , with 20 terrified grandchildren whose pampered and obese pets flee whenever she visits, is in charge of the attack group.
In an exclusive interview, she told Little Darwin that the Northern Territory is almost totally dysfunctional and her no-nonsense squad will unleash a campaign of shock and awe .
General Giles refused to give details of a special group of fearsome grannies which is undergoing exhaustive unarmed combat training in a secret location - disguised as an innocent bingo parlour- and is expected in Darwin next week . All the grannies will attract the special federal payment to encourage the employment of people over 50,plus a daily ration of gin and tonic to prevent dehydration.
