In a major blow to Darwin’s tourist industry, the prehistoric Mandorah Monster has become allergic to the polluted local waters . On doctor’s orders , he is moving to Scotland to live with his long lost cousin, the Loch Ness Monster.
The 60 metre long , dragon-like creature , a refugee from Jurassic Park, used to frolic in the pristine waters near Mandorah . Now, due to the Larrakeyah poo shooter, ore spills and run off from polluted Lake Alexander , the poor beastie has broken out in unsightly blemishes. In addition, he has a nasty itch and a raw rash in the nether regions. Skin specialists attending a recent conference in Darwin refused to touch him with a barge pole, saying they thought he had caught an infection from outer space.
Our unpaid Mandorah correspondent, Donald Trump, says the Mandorah Monster is so repulsive-looking local real estate values have plunged, young children cry when they see him and ferry commuter numbers are way down .
Because of his diseased appearance , not one of the many dateless and desperate women who frequent Mitchell Street on a Saturday night will give the lonely monster a freebie French kiss. This makes him very angry , and he has had some monumental brawls with nightclub revellers, all of which he won , despite the tasers , harpoons , batons , tear gas and nets used in vain bids to subdue him.
Police patrolling the nightclub precinct get danger money every time the Mandorah Monster is seen slithering along the sidewalk sipping seaweed soda , winking at women.
On several occasions he has been found floating belly up in the harbour , overcome by toxic algal bloom, and only prompt action by the heroic RSPCA Sea Patrol unit saved him from drowning . Giving the kiss of life to a fire breathing dragon is extremely dangerous; several RSPCA officers have been burnt to a crisp , receiving posthumous medals for bravery and stupidity in the line of duty .
So that he will not startle people when he jets into Scotland , our iconic monster will wear a Clan McDuff kilt , a sporan made from the skin of 40 cane toads and carry a 10 metre caber to look like one of the locals. Entertainer Billy Connolly has predicted that our lonely Mandorah Monster will soon get the dirty Darwin water off his chest in the highlands posing for camera clicking tourists with Nessie in the yuk - free waterways.
The 60 metre long , dragon-like creature , a refugee from Jurassic Park, used to frolic in the pristine waters near Mandorah . Now, due to the Larrakeyah poo shooter, ore spills and run off from polluted Lake Alexander , the poor beastie has broken out in unsightly blemishes. In addition, he has a nasty itch and a raw rash in the nether regions. Skin specialists attending a recent conference in Darwin refused to touch him with a barge pole, saying they thought he had caught an infection from outer space.
Our unpaid Mandorah correspondent, Donald Trump, says the Mandorah Monster is so repulsive-looking local real estate values have plunged, young children cry when they see him and ferry commuter numbers are way down .
Because of his diseased appearance , not one of the many dateless and desperate women who frequent Mitchell Street on a Saturday night will give the lonely monster a freebie French kiss. This makes him very angry , and he has had some monumental brawls with nightclub revellers, all of which he won , despite the tasers , harpoons , batons , tear gas and nets used in vain bids to subdue him.
Police patrolling the nightclub precinct get danger money every time the Mandorah Monster is seen slithering along the sidewalk sipping seaweed soda , winking at women.
On several occasions he has been found floating belly up in the harbour , overcome by toxic algal bloom, and only prompt action by the heroic RSPCA Sea Patrol unit saved him from drowning . Giving the kiss of life to a fire breathing dragon is extremely dangerous; several RSPCA officers have been burnt to a crisp , receiving posthumous medals for bravery and stupidity in the line of duty .
So that he will not startle people when he jets into Scotland , our iconic monster will wear a Clan McDuff kilt , a sporan made from the skin of 40 cane toads and carry a 10 metre caber to look like one of the locals. Entertainer Billy Connolly has predicted that our lonely Mandorah Monster will soon get the dirty Darwin water off his chest in the highlands posing for camera clicking tourists with Nessie in the yuk - free waterways.
