AGONY AND ECSTACY ON THE ROAD TO DAMASCUS WHILE SMILING FOR CAMERA

Covering the first day of the current session of the NT Legislative Assembly which was filmed for internet streaming was a painful experience. Why ? Because this gonzo journalist , suffering from haemmorhoids , was in agony sitting on the rock hard seats in the West Wing. Also uncomfortable , the seats made embarrassing sounds like a whoopee cushion as I slid about trying to ease the agony .

Gritting my teeth may have given pollies the impression that I was a grinning , bug –eyed loon as I leered at them over the rail . Some viewed me suspiciously as if I might whip off my smelly sneakers and throw them like that brave journalist in Iraq who bombarded President Bush. My wife , who told me I looked like a hobo because I had not tucked my shirt inside my jeans and that I needed a haircut, sat by me , whispering furtively from behind the cover of the daily program held up to her face.

While I was making embarrassing non-U sounds , sliding about on the cruel seat crafted from Carrara marble , my dearly beloved suddenly added to the cacophony with that medical condition, hungry belly rumblings. Glaring at me as if to make out I was responsible for this gaseous eruption, she went red and retreated behind the program shield like Madam Butterfly with a fan.

The sitting kicked off with a declaration from the government side that it was only too happy to extend the time for adjournment debate speeches from five minutes to 15 and that ministerial reports , seen as propaganda , spin and time wasting, would be wiped. In addition ,10 0'clock closing ( nothing to do with the drinking laws of yore) would be introduced, half an hour longer than before. This was a clear sign of an outbreak of improved democracy under the new parliamentary set up due to the pact with Gerry Wood, who twice said he had not put a gun to the head of the government..

The Opposition greeted the concessions with a certain amount of scorn , pointing out these reforms had been rejected by the government when it had the numbers. Now, there was a variation of the Charles Darwin theory of survival of the fittest – survival at any cost. Port Darwin MLA John Elferink waxed biblical when he said the government’s new stance was no sudden conversion along the road to Damascus. No, it was the divine intervention of Wood who, it seemed , had led the government across the Dead Sea back into the promised land . While the opposition took a few shots at Wood , the manager of government business, Chris Burns , said Gerry Wood was a great guy and implied that a vital part of our solar system shone from his person.

The first day of streaming - and many of the computers in parliament house went on the blink. While some politicians had problems accessing their laptaps during proceedings , others seemed to be receiving mixed messages, probably warning of the second coming. While the wallpaper on the laptap of Government Whip Michael Gunner was a view of planet Earth from the Moon, the monitor of Health and Beefsteak Minister , Kon Vatskalis , bounced about frenetically , going from climate change to something called the Longreach Solution . There is no doubt the fact that the proceedings were being filmed had an impact on the personal appearance of some members, with changes to coiffure, nail polish and wearing of suit coats by some on the government side. Minister Vatskalis started off fully suited , but later shed his coat.

While Vatskalis was making a statement about nursing numbers in the NT, hard to understand because of his accent, about which Bushranger commented in the Sunday Territorian , the member for Greatorex, Matt Conlon , called out for an explanation about the treatment of gynaecological oncologist Professor Margaret Davy at Royal Darwin Hospital. There was no response from the minister . Little Darwin understands some interesting things have been going on behind the scenes which may be the subject of various announcements and political action.

Still puzzling is why Housing Minister Rob Knight, who wore a suit, has a soft toy which looks like chicken under his desk. Is it some kind of security blanket ? Alison Anderson told the House the minister is known by his constituents as "Silent Knight ". As he has been doing a lot of jawboning of late about SIHIP and the shortage of housing throughout the Territory, it could be a misnomer. Then again,Silent Knight was the name of an early refrigerator invented by Sir Edward Hallstrom, patron of Sydney's Taronga Zoo. Sir Edward flew to Darwin to rescue the shipwrecked chimp, Jimmy, who had been living in a cramped cage aboard the yacht Sea Fox, and installed him in a fine monkey house with a million quid view of Port Jackson and an endless supply of bananas. Jimmy showed his appreciation by giving Sir Edward a hearty hug each time they met. Minister Knight would receive the same thankful simian reception if he could quickly arrange accommodation for the many people struggling in the Territory housing jungle.