Cricket naughty boy Andrew Symonds is to open the world's first drive through automatic scrubbing machine for grubby Territory workmen . Darwin's repulsive , smelly tradesmen will enter the machine and come out the end as clean as a baby in a talcum powder advertisement with a free , pre-used toothbrush autographed by Symonds . They will then be fit to mix with gentlemen and scholars in Territory pubs. The wonderful worker washer is at the cutting edge of the international war against grime and smelly armpits .
It has been designed by a famous British space engineer who makes the amazing machines in the popular Wallace and Gromit TV show. Symonds was introduced to the brilliant engineer by a strange looking penguin he was drinking with at Old Trafford during a thirsty Test match. The dodgy penguin was later questioned by police over a plot to steal Don Bradman's jockstrap from a bulletproof showcase in the priceless Lord's collection.
Fifty of the machines will be installed throughout the Territory and undoubtedly earn Symonds a Clean Up Australia gong. In an exclusive interview with the cricketer at the Silly Point Tavern , Symonds told Little Darwin he intends to settle in Darwin and run exclusive fishing safaris for big game New Zealand whitebait which fight harder than a giant marlin and do poi dances and the haka in the process.
