IS THIS FLIGHTY BIRD CUCKOO OR JUST BOOK MAD LIKE MOI ?

Suddenly , elusive birds known as  Swamp  Pheasants ,  Coucals and  Swamp Cuckoos    have reappeared on Magnetic Island . One made a brief welcome  appearance on  the Little Darwin estate , then quickly fluttered away  and  hid. 

In  an attempt to lure the bird out into the open  once more for a photograph , this blogger began  making  the usual   whoop   whoop  calls to  make  it reappear , respond  in  voice  . However,  the definitive What Bird Is That , by Neville W. Cayley , says the bird's call  resembles  "Coop, coop" , or " Book, book." It seems I have been hitting the wrong note  running  about the  district   for  years  making  whoop  whoop noises , causing  neighbours to  stare  at  me .
  

Cayley further wrote that the  bird is the  only Australian Cuckoo that does not  lay its eggs in nests of  other birds  and eats frogs, small reptiles , aquatic  insects  and  the eggs and young of  other birds .  

One of the lucky birds is being looked after by wildlife  carer  Bev from the Mexican Restaurant  who is  feeding it  on  crickets .

PETER THE GREATEST (ME)

After  drinking  much Portuguese plonk,  Peter  Burleigh  plans to reign over  Spain .

Self  portrait  of royal  pretender Peter  Burleigh about to set off   from Australia  for the unsuspecting  Mother Country  many moons ago  on the trail of  a  mysterious  family claim  to  the Spanish  throne. 

Australia has never had a home-grown royal family of its own. This explains why we devote so many pages in magazines and TV time to other people’s royals - like Betty, Prince Chuck and Camilla, Harry and Megoon, Edward and Kate Middlebrow, Pippa Middleton’s rear end, Anne the Unconscious, Phil the Greek, our Mary of Apple Danish and several others of  dubious sexuality  and  proclivities.

Meanwhile , here in Seville ,Spain, thousands of people  queue  daily to purchase entry to the Alcazar , a spectacular Moorish-then Christian Mosque -later a Royal Palace in the 1300s  and still used today .

But here's the thing : a little known  but major attraction  for  Australians to Seville's palace is our newly exposed (in a Press Release  today) connection to the centuries  old  royal kingdom of  King Peter the First , called Peter the Just .

Peter the Just  with people and pig sticker detecting an unsavoury smell.

There was a joke running through the Court that Peter was always "just in time " or " just too late " or his mistress was "just a little bit pregnant " and so on .

When he lost his temper his name changed to Peter the Disgruntled , but this did not catch on amongst Alcazar staff, several of whom were severely punished.

It will come as  no surprise to those who know me that I, your reporter , have Royal Blood . Other Australians , some of whom may well  know my name through Little Darwin will be pleased  to be associated  with a genuine person of  the nobility. Better still,I intend to share the benefits of my ascension to royal Spanish celebrityhood with all my fellow Australians .

True, I am only 43,887th in line to the Spanish Throne , but following me  each and every Australian  has a chance of making it to the throne . Because  I am  an only child named Peter I can confirm  my entitlement to share the glory of  the  first  Peter , called  Peter the Just .   

In answer to his insistent requests, I decree that even Tony Abbott is in line (23,941,512nd) for a Royal Guernsey. Despite how you feel about Tony, my generosity is consistent with being a descendant of Peter the Just.

Peter the Just  was born on 30 August 1335, a mere 700-odd years before my own self, and began his reign when he was 16. When I was that age, all I wanted was to lose my virginity and avoid dying from the Black Plague.

Peter the First had blonde hair, blue eyes, a pale complexion and a penchant for long hours and hard work. I have none of those characteristics but I do have the name, or title, of ‘Peter’. Like my namesake, I eventually lost my virginity. However  unlike my namesake who secretly married a girl called Maria de Padilla, I struggled to find an appropriate princess  until  later  in  life.

Poor Blanche 

In 1353 he was forced to marry Blanche of Bourbon for political reasons. When my research revealed the name ‘Blanche’ I thought a further Australian link had popped up, but no, the Hawke Dynasty had already claimed that one. Peter only stayed with Blanche (not that one, the other one) for two nights before deserting her. Was this ‘just’, you ask, or did it give rise to King Peter’s other nickname,' Peter the Cruel'? I don’t wish to speak ill of the dead, as Blanche was murdered by Peter in 1361.

Peter the Just disported himself and had three daughters by Maria de Padilla. Peter's enemies  said  Maria  de Padilla had a face like a 'tortilla'. Merciless with his mistresses' critics, he made them eat humble pie -roasted goat stomachs.

He was  learning  how to govern , and  quickly developing all the professional qualities he needed , including suspicion, paranoia , vindictiveness , and ruthlessness  with opponents . His people loved him because he rarely applied his unpleasant new skills to them but  rather on Government officials  and would-be usurpers of  the throne .  

Imagine, when I become King of Australia, I will apply what history has taught me to the heretics of the Australian Taxation Office, The Border Force and  D’Mutton family.

Peter the  Just   successfully married off  his daughters. One became  the Duchess of Kent , a post currently held by Katherine  nee  Worsley , to whom I intend to introduce myself at the  soonest opportunity , and another became  the Duchess of Lancaster,  who I also have not had the pleasure.

Peter the Just , I believe, was duty-bound to concentrate on designing, extending and building the Alcazar in Seville, and therefore couldn’t devote as much time to his daughters as he wished. The  hard fact was they  were  a  distraction.

His taste in buildings was puzzling, as it was a melding of Moorish styles with a touch or two of Christian; after all he was a Christian King. By a stunning reoccurrence of intellectual and spiritual déjà vu your reporter graduated as an Architect in Melbourne and had a career notable for his unfulfilled desire to work on the design of Disneyland in Hong Kong. By applying a little sympathy and understanding my readers will see that the Seville Alcazar and Disneyland have important shared humanistic qualities.

Peter the Just finally ran out of time. In 1367 he was stabbed by his half-brother Enrique who had the body beheaded and the skull displayed at one of the city gates. Peter’s sensitive and poetic heart was stilled forever, and his architectural fetishes resolved. But his legacy need not end.

Indeed, over the centuries, several pretenders to Peter’s throne emerged, some more worthy than others: Peter the Great, Peter (of Paul and Mary), Peter the Not So Bad, Peter Lawford and Peter Lorre, Peter King of the Bulgarians and even Peter Sellers. Now that my kinship/kingship has been identified and recently confirmed by no less a poet than Geoffrey Chaucer it’s only a matter of time before the proclamation of my Kingship is announced.

My DNA is being officially measured against Peter the Just’s dried saliva found on a Middle Ages postage stamp. The prominent Australian-Spanish Doctor Geoffrey Eddleysoon, who is leading my forensic team, tells me that my DNA is a perfect example of the adherentine michrocondia rhinoplatemian eptiomial juxtapositional strain.

 Meanwhile, I have allies in the Australian Senate – Ms. Paula Handbrake of the Juan Nation Party and the Verde Greens Party are strong supporters of mine – and peoples’ organisations like La Provincia de Rio Hutt (previously the defunct Hutt River Province) are assembling their supporters and issuing stamps to raise money. We anticipate a handover to direct rule at the end of 2018.

Some of my key policies have been announced today (pray look in your publicity kit, after the Press release). We (that is, I) will decree that Spanish will become Australia’s primary language, firmly placing our country in the Northern Hemisphere, where it should have been in the first place. It won’t be difficult. I’ve heard kids as young as three or four speaking Spanish as if born to it, right here on the streets of Seville and Grenada.

I will also close down News Corp in Australia because Rupert and Jerry Murdoch are US citizens who do not speak Spanish. Murdoch’s TV, print and press operations will be replaced by Mr Peter Simon’s ‘Little Darwin’ media conglomerate and Don Pablo Simon will be asked to change the character of ABC-TV to a Townsville-centric Press/TV agency, tasked with  telling  the stories of  the Australian-Spanish people.

The ACCC will be replaced by a renewed Spanish Inquisition.

Peter the Just would approve of the plans I have for Parliament House in Canberra. It will be renamed The Peter the Just Royal Palace (Real Ozcazar) after my advisors consider whether it can be mistaken for Peter the Just Royal or ‘almost Royal’. I can reveal that a large hat or crown is to be fitted over the triangular flagpole, detailed in rabbit skins trimmed with gold and blue velvet. Other Gothic and Moorish touches will be added throughout, as well as a rooftop amusement park for my people.

My consort, the Most Regal and Beneficent Queen Judith of Minyama (her motto: ‘I’m not from Barcelona’), is looking forward to welcoming all our fellow Australian-Spanish (‘Ozspan’) people to a regular Buenas Tardes Tea Party every third Viernes of the mes.

Hasta la Vista.

Peter the First of Australia.

ROYAL WEDDING SCOOP

BUCKINGHAM PALACE : It has just been leaked that Prince Harry's cut out will  honeymoon in the  padded bilge  aboard  a royal blue painted  James Packer luxury yacht in   the marina on Magnetic Island , North Queensland .

 

EXCLUSIVE OFFER TO READERS : RUSSIAN BOOT BED SOCKS.

This blog is about to  launch a  new cottage industry as a  result of  a  garage sale  purchase-a bundle of  albums   going back  to  l950  dealing with the  art of crochet ,  knitting   and   dainty  stencilling.
 

Tucked away in a  plastic sleeve , near instructions on how to  embroider  a crinoline lady hanky corner   and   make a  nasturtium  tablecloth ,were handwritten  instructions  on  how  to   knit   Russian  boot  bed   socks...a green ant running about the computer is  interfering  knitting  this  post  together .   

Surprising to learn  Ruskies sleep in footwear.

At the back of a  tearsheet   about  handkerchief  edging  (Go away ant! ), from the Australian Home Journal of November, l963, was an article about  Matson Line  hostess Hope Evans , who  collected  items  for   two leper  colonies  in Fiji and Tahiti .

Although she had been  born at Jasper, near Alberta, Canada, she was  American by adoption .  She had   obtained  her  wanderlust  from a "lady milko" , a New Zealander, who had  the  milk run in her home town.

During her travels she  had  collected  about  100 high fashion dresses , many bought in Australia , kept in her cabin aboard the  Mariposa ...evening gowns of  lace, fine embroidered linens and silks, hand painted casual sun  dresses   from Tahiti , Honolulu . Australian fire  opals , which  reminded  her of  wonderful South  Pacific  sunsets  and   sunrises,  were  also  collected.

 

The garage sale find , on Magnetic Island, included Australian and  overseas crochet design books , tearsheets  from such publications  as  The Australian Women's Weekly, New Idea, The Australian Women's Mirror .

 

On the doyley front, there were instructions for  Solomon's Knot, Pineapple, Tulip , Grape, Star Petal , Shell, Cone and Knot, Thistles, Dahlia  and  Daisy Medallion ,Old Rose, Primroses. One magazine bore the name of a Hermit Park,  Townsville , resident. 

ESCAPE TO THE (COOL) TROPICS

Ferry  from  Townsville .  Vallis  Photograph.



Shivering Cairns  Pelicans. Abra  photograph .

FIERY ISLAND WEDDING

Magnetic Island , Queensland,  became  an  enclave of  far away  Darwin when  the  wedding of  Melanie   Goehr  , the Northern Territory's first  female  fire fighter,   and  fellow  bright  spark  Peter  Simon  took  place .

As  if  attending  a  major  fire alarm ,  a  large contingent of  firemen   from  Darwin and   other  parts of  the nation  descended  on  the  island  for the   big   event .
 

Extremely fit  Melanie   played  rugby  union  for  the  Australia Wallaroos   against  the  New  Zealand   Silver  Ferns  ; took part  in Fire Fighter Olympics in Edmonton , Canada, and  Durban, South Africa ;  regularly competes in  marathon sporting events  in Townsville ,  on   and  around  the  island   and  is  a highly  regarded  masseuse . Along the way she  did an agriculture college  course  in  South Australia  and  indulged an interest in horse riding .

And  like  many a dashing  Super Hero,  she   can   leap  tall   buildings  with ease . Actually , she  operated  the  Darwin  high  rise  rescue platform  , named  the  Bronto , short  for  Brontosaurus . Darwin's newest  Bronto , costing more than $2million , can  be raised  to  a  height  of   about  43  metres.

Her adventurous  German parents, Elke  and Felix ,  came  to Australia  to start a new  life. A builder , also a keen yachtsman , Felix  taught   Melanie  aspects of  the building industry . In  search of work , the  family   sailed  out of  Fremantle  in a yacht  bound for  Darwin , but   stopped  in  Dampier for a  year  where Felix  obtained employment ,  Melanie starting  high school  at Karratha .


One of the residences   Felix built  in  rural  Darwin had  a swimming pool ,  another weed filled  one   for  a  piscatorial  pet ,   Barry the  Barramundi  , which  grew so big  he was  given  to  the  wildlife  park  at  Berry Springs . It also had its own  shipbuilding  yard  which enabled Felix to extend the size  of  his  vessel , construct  a  caravan .  


The  groom, a former electrician ,  also competed with Melanie in the overseas  Olympics plus the  Police  and  Fire  Fighters  Olympics  in Paris . Both have competed in national and   international  dragonboat  races. Peter represented the  Territory in  a  manpower  type  competition and  has appeared in  Darwin magazine  advertisements. 

While on transfer to  Dumfries, Scotland , he made   an impact  in the  local  rugby union  competition  and  became  a  marked man because of  his  prowess on  the  field . During a  match, a  burly Highlander  was   heard  issue strict  instructions to " get that New Zealand  sheep shagger " . " Actually, I  am  Australian" ,  Peter  corrected ,  then   decked   him   in  a  hard  tackle.

 Some of  the  firemen who  came to the  wedding  were once  regarded  as hunky,  sex  symbol   figures  who  bared  their  muscular  bodies  and polished   appliances   for   Christmas  calendars . With  the  passage  of  time , however ,  it was  noticed that   some of  these  older    fab   firemen   had   filled  out   in   various  parts.

 Still trim ,  Peter featured in the  l996  NT  Firefighter  Calendar which raised money for the Sunshine Association of  the NT  that assists terminally ill children .

 With   their  great skill  at  cooking  exotic  late night meals-cook ups -  in  Darwin fire stations , especially  the  popular  Sarawak   Supper , the  firemen  would  absolutely  sizzle  in   any  MKR  contest .  Soon  after a  gourmet fire  brigade  chef   arrived  on  the  island  for  the  nuptials   he  began  cooking   three  large  containers  of   tasty   curry  for  those  feeling  a bit  peckish . 

Darwin fire fighters  are   a closely  knit   group,  from  different backgrounds ,well   travelled , with  diverse interests   and  talents . One of  them , Royle  Salt , drew  the much admired  zany  Little Darwin  masthead , and  apart  from being a gifted, lightning sketcher, is in  a band . Word is that  since returning to Darwin from  the  wedding he  has had  a  Mohawk.

 

A fireman from   Canberra , who attended the wedding,  is an aspiring  artist  and cartoonist .     

 

 Darwin firemen turn on a special Christmas party for  pensioners , raise money for charity . A regular event in Darwin sees  firemen  run up the interior of a high rise building ,  catch the lift down to the foyer , grab a damsel in  distress,  and  run  with  her  to  the  finish  line .

 

Included  in the large Darwin contingent   were   at least two accountants ( one probably Australia's  fittest ) and  an inventor involved in  a  top secret  flying saucer  plan   for  North Australia , details of which  might be   revealed at a later stage . 

Lacey  dancing  on  granite boulder .

Venue for the  wedding was the impressive  six storey Nahmalu , named after a sacred waterhole in the   Kimberley, Western Australia ,  on the market for $2.2million, which incorporates   natural  granite  boulders  in   its   structure , has  a range of   country music  memorabilia  in showcases  , Aboriginal paintings ,   free range  rock wallabies  which  peer through special   folding   windows   at   proceedings , FIFO  Kookaburras .

Gate crashing Agile Wallaby .

During a speech , a  comedic  fireman said  Nahmalu  is  such a desirable property  a   quick whip around had been made  and  the  money  given to one of the  group, JJ  by name , recently said to  have won three trifectas ,    to  put  on  a  trifecta  in  a  bid  to  purchase the  establishment   and  turn it into a holiday resort  and  retreat  for  Territory firemen .

Several ex Darwinites  came  from Townsville , including modern  explorer and  film maker   George  Koulakis  ( ex RAAF )  ;  involved in  looking for  relics of the   ill fated Burke and Wills   expedition , he also  films  outback  remnants of  WWll  crashed  planes .  George  was  the  DJ  , pumping out  throbbing music   for the  happy , gyrating  dancers , none of which, surprisingly , fell into the swimming  pool. 

Throughout the  two-day  event  numerous subjects were  discussed ,  including  politics,  fracking ,  past  Darwin  footballers ,  Xavier  Herbert's book  about  the Northern Territory , Capricornia , the  action packed life of  former  Northern Territory  crusading  editor , Big  Jim  Bowditch.

 

Despite the excellent   catering  , some   people  just  cannot  be  satisfied and behave like gluttons  . Such as  the  Kookaburra   which swooped down  on   the bridegroom  , snatched the  raisin toast  he  was  about   to eat ,  which  caused  Peter 's  cup  of  tea  to  runneth  over .  

Spotted in the  throng was an official from a Queensland  museum, the proud owner  of  a  brand  new  Darwin  car  and  the  Queen  of  the  Jungle .

GLORY BOX / SEA CHEST : The father of the  bride is keen  to  sell  his  specially built  large yacht  in  Darwin , for  $48,000 ,  and  is willing  to  negotiate , perhaps  throwing   in  his  two  trailer sailor  boats, one obtained at a recent  garage sale ,  as  freebies ,  along  with  a  slice  of  wedding  cake . 

QUEEN IN SNAKE DANCE

Either by direct  or  passed  along  royal  command, this blog receives a message from time to time to  quickly   call  upon the  Queen of the  Jungle   with  a  camera , signifying there is  something of  interest  on  the  premises. It could be an exotic  bird passing through  Magnetic Island , the arrival  of Torres Strait Pigeons , an  orchid  flowering, indicating  that  rain is imminent , something relating to  Curlews .

The latest order to attend  involved  an  outbreak  of snakes  in  her  domain - two  snakeskins, apparently shed by green tree snakes ,  found  in  the  palace   grounds , one   entwined  in  a  shrub . Inside  her  house was  the other  skin , which  she  retrieved , and brought outside , pointing out a  fine  white silk- like section  and  various  scale  patterns .