Monday, April 13, 2015

BUDGET LEAK : HOCKEY'S PLAN OFFERS SUET PUDDINGS, TOAD IN HOLES MENU IN CHAIN OF NEW TUCKSHOPS FOR SHUFFLING ARMY OF UNEMPLOYED

CANBERRA : Treasurer Joe Hockey  will unveil a  brilliant scheme to turn Australia into a  nation  of  shopkeepers, like the British once were during the reign of Queen Victoria  , according   to  secret information  given  Little Darwin.  Code named Plan B ( for  British  ), individuals will be  encouraged to set up thousands  of  Pommie  wayside inns,  grog shanties , pork pie and  kipper cafes  along  the  many new  infrastructure roads  to  be   built  linking cities  to  mothballed  mines .  The  above  sample shop , to  be officially opened  by a knight close to the Queen , has  been  established  in  the Never -Never  and expects to do a roaring trade . It  is built from  unsold iron ore .  Treasury says  the way the economy is  going , Australia's highways will soon be  filled  with  shuffling , thirsty and  hungry  CFMEU  swaggies  all wanting  to  be  serviced  as  there are no sheep to  steal  because  of  the  drought  and  foreclosing  banks .

BREAKING NEWS:

Ven der shitzen hits der fan, vee are here to protect you
There was  wild jubilation in Liberal Party   ranks here   today  when the latest poll showed  that Prime Minister  Tony Abbott  is  nearly as  popular as  Louie the  Fly . With  lots of prayer , extreme  good luck , a  strong tailwind   and  avoidance of  those  sticky  fly  traps at wedding and fund raising  parties , the  PM   could  overtake  Louie  by  the Chinese  New Year.  Liberal  Funk  Bunker  spin  doctor , Fred  von  Waffleburger, said the  rising  support  for the PM  is proof  positive  that  Lefty   dung  beetles  are  on  the  way  out .    He  reluctantly  admitted  that  voters  in the fly blown states of  Western Australia  and  South Australia  want  to  do  what  naughty  Nellie  Bly  did  to  a  fly . Meanwhile , cleaners in parliament house have been instructed  not  to  spray  the Cabinet room  with  Mortein  as this  could   bring down  the  leader.