THE WAY OF ALL FLESH LOOMING AT TROUBLED DARWIN UNIVERSITY?

With the Northern Territory described on national radio as a failed state ,there is no doubt whatsoever that Darwin needs a new image. One like sunny California with its swimmable beaches , where gifted cartoonist/ architect Peter Burleigh, a member of the brainy Mensa Club, in 1969 pointed out up to 50 academics a month were encouraged to just navel gaze , if they so wished , ultimately solving the many mysteries and problems of the universe, probably leading to the invention of plastic shopping bags, napalm , credit cards , ring top cans , frisbies . To make the Territory a dynamic place, we respectfully suggest Darwin put out the welcome mat for navel fluff-gazing academics who could be fed grouse Territory brain food like prime T-bone steaks from Mataranka and Muckaty and Wedding Cake irradiated corn in whopper Coney Island buckets.

CRYPTIC COMMENTS

What is the difference between temporary insanity and a temporary position in a madhouse which looks good on your CV ? *** Stuart Highway now stretches all the way to Chile. ***Working in a wine saloon wiping up the slops is great training for a career in journalism .

CANTERBURY TALES # 1- Tribute to an earthquake shattered city

The devastation caused by the Christchurch earthquakes is an unmitigated disaster for the once beautiful city through which runs the River Avon , now apparently obstructed due to the earth’s upheavals , adding a further British air with Oxford –like punting to this attractive city, gateway to the Canterbury Plains.

In the past, I twice visited Christchurch , where friends , a journalist and his schoolteacher wife now live in nervous uncertainty. On the first visit , the city boasted a council employed Wizard, Ian Brackenbury Channell, who spake out from a ladder in Cathedral Square , near the Anglican church , badly damaged in the first big quake.

Christchurch’s bookshops ( especially the renowned Smith’s), antique centres , large market and a bottle and collectables fair were perused for items of interest ,which included a large scrapbook covering the social history of the South Island ,commencing before WW1, cabinet photos , old Christchurch school magazines, early NZ poetry, postcards , and the collection of a ballet fan which contained autographed programmes and photographs of a famous Russian company which toured NZ .

As a tribute to Christchurch , we will publish items bought during pleasant visits to Christchurch with its grand old buildings , many of them now destroyed or badly damaged , in much happier times .

Built for Allan McLean , a bachelor in his late 70s, this spectacular Christchurch mansion ,Holly Lea , was said at the time to be the largest timber construction in NZ . McLean was born in Scotland in 1822 ,the son of a farmer-fisherman .When his father died early , his mother and nine children emigrated to Victoria to join the goldrush ,and struck it rich .

Mclean moved to NZ and became one of the wealthiest men in Canterbury through sheepfarming during the early years of settement. Late in life , he had the mansion built in Christchurch ; it covered 23,000 square feet and contained 53 rooms . When he died in 1907 at the age of 85 , his will established a fund for housing women of refinement and education in reduced or straitened circumstances in memory of his widowed mother . His faithful housekeeper was well catered for as well.

The above postcard , sent to a nurseryman in Auckland, states the mansion is the house built by “that old batchelor " (sic). The NZ stamp on the postcard was cancelled at the spectacular Christchurch International Exhibition on December 27 , 1906.

The exhibition was the idea of the NZ PM Richard "King Dick" Seddon , who died a few months before it opened, and attracted two million visitors , when the Kiwi population was less the one million. A big drawcard was the British Art Exhibition, viewed by half a million, which influenced post- colonial art appreciation and art societies on both sides of the Tasman.

Delegations attended from Fiji and the Cook Islands. A fortified Maori village, the Te Araiteuru pa, and canoes , with a mock battle between Maoris and pakehas, also attracted much attention, giving many people, including New Zealanders, a greater understanding of indigenous culture , their arts and crafts.

Australian artists exhibited included Hans Heysen , Jane Sutherland, Will Ashton ,William Lister and Elizabeth Armstrong. The general manager of the exhibition, G.S.Munro, sought advice from Victoria about the 1880 Melbourne Exhibition in planning the Christchurch event.

TEA BREAK : Included in our Christchurch trove are two fine bone china cup and saucer sets , souvenirs of the Christchurch International Exhibition 1906-7, each cup bearing the name MINSON’S,220 COLOMBO ST.,CHRISTCHURCH on the base , possibly made by the German or Czechoslovakian souvenir trade. Minson’s sold good quality china, cutlery and household requirements, was a Christchurch institution (Everybody Went to Minson’s ) based on a family emporium in Cornwall.

It operated from an impressive three-storey shop . One of its main display areas had a springy wooden floor which caused the stock to rattle as people walked through - giving the impression of being" like a bull in a china shop". Imagine what damage it would have sustained if hit by a major earthquake . (See Canterbury Heritage blogspot and New Zealand Journal site for photos of and information about this once great Christchurch shop .)

GALACTIC SCOOP: AMAZING ALIEN LIFEFORMS FOUND ON SECRET LITTLE DARWIN EXPEDITION TO PLUTO

COOKING UP A BLITZKRIEG

Darwin’s would-be dictator, Adolf Shicklgruber, exclusively revealed in Little Darwin as planning to take over the Northern Territory, has just finished writing a cookery book : MEIN PICKLED CAMP PIE MITT SAUERKRAUT AND DUMB-DUMB DEMOGRAPHICS, expected to be serialised soon in weekend newspapers throughout the unsuspecting nation . The recipes are based on Frau Beetson’s guide to DIY brown paper bag cooking for single men trying to break the unhealthy junk food habit.

Sensational new revelations about Adolf and his goosestepping henchmen will appear in Little Darwin in the near future-once cleared by the CIA, ASIO, the FBI Handbag Department and the D-Notice sticker and Koala bear stamp are removed from our top secret file.

DANGEROUS DARWIN COURTROOM ATTACK

After an experience in the Darwin Federal Magistrates Court (FMC) , I intend to go armed the next time I attend to counter the bities therein, Your Honour. My weapon of choice will be this wonderful Malaysian rechargable mozzie swatting racquet- a kind of Dirty Harry special when it comes to dangerous household pests , sent to the Little Darwin office by one of our jovial roving reporters in Asia.

While sitting outside the FMC today waiting for a courtroom to open , mosquitoes, moving as fast as V8s , became evident. People swiped at the critters , but they escaped. The previous night, the fascinating French ABC TV show, Miniscule, had centred on the misadventures of a mosquito who flew into a pot of honey and then got stuck to roll of toilet paper , a tablecloth and a lamp shade , so there was a touch of French farce (sans the poor, sad-eyed spider, ants , snails , the cheeky ladybird et al ) to proceedings before the door opened for business .

Many people attending a court are apprehensive and should not have to face the added fear of contracting Ross River and Barmah Forest viruses and Dengue fever because the Flick Man , SC, has not been called in - another sign of belt tightening in judicial circles,such as in NSW, and the Federal Attorney-General’s jurisdiction ?

Once the FMC courtroom opened, a local lawyer took up his position at the bar table , unpacked numerous files; his apprehensive client sat nearby with a family member. Then ZZZZ! A mozzie made its presence known. Without success, I swiped at it. The clerk of the court, in shorts , making him a tasty target for mosquitoes, was having difficulty attempting to make a TV link with far away Canberra , where the mozzies and the Bogong moths were probably either in hibernation or frozen to death.

Are you their Josh? No response –just the view of an empty room . Some comment was made about being able to make contact with man on the moon, but not the Forbidding City. After several attempts,Josh appeared on screen and rearranged the seating in nautical fashion . A hotshot lawyer appeared pushing a lectern on wheels and the show got on the road . Soon after , a person entered the Canberra room holding what could have been a jug of hot toddy, but was waved away . There was a buzz of expectancy as the hearing got underway. It is sincerely hoped that the anklet on the magistrate's associate did not draw the attention of a bloodsucking mozzie to her leg.

NEW ZEALAND GLACIER PEBBLES