ANOTHER GHOST FLEET SCOOP

Two  interesting ships, above, tied up in  surprisingly close proximity  in Townsville , as  usual ,   failed to  get a mention  in the  local  media . However,   our   alert  shipping  reporter , the only one in North Australia ,  was  paddling by  in  the office  coracle   and  discovered  a  most   unusual  story .

The  large Japanese   car  carrier  Pleiades Leader  is shown  just across the way from the Panama registered  livestock carrier  Jawan , Indian for a  soldier . Our  waterfront   reporter    discovered  that  Jawan  , a  former cargo ship,  had  a  number of  previous names- Maersk Westland ,  Dana  Gothia  , Charon J    and  Corvus  J.  Under the latter,  in  2012, it   impaled  the vehicle carrier   Baltic  Ice in  the North Sea  , which sank in 15 minutes ,with a loss of   11 lives .

After undergoing  conversion to  a  livestock carrier ,  it  sailed out of  the shipyard , now named   Jawan ,  into  Perth , Western Australia, in December   2015   to become  involved  in  the  trade .

The export of live cattle, we have pointed out , is a  lively  issue locally , people  for and against , the Townsville  abattoir   finding  it hard to keep operating ,   so  you would  think  the Murdoch  Townsville Bulletin  at least   would  have  noticed  that  another large  livestock  carrier  was  in  port . In  the  case of  the vehicle carrier, it is  highly likely  that it  disgorged   cars of various horsepower  for  Townsville and district-could  there  be  a  story here  , one  which  the advertising   car   companies  would   appreciate ?  

HANGING OUT THE WASHING ON THE CORAL SEA LINE , WHITER THAN WHITE REEF

Snapped surging  away from  Townsville in the direction of  the  boiling   Great Barrier Reef  is  the  twin   hulled  spin dryer , Coconut Telegraph,   semaphoring   that  it  is  escaping   humdrum  domestic  life  on  land   by  displaying  a  variety of   washing on  the   bridge deck...trousers , shirts , shorts , possibly even  unmentionables...Mad Monk Budgie Smugglers? Little Darwin's  shipping roundsman ,  the only one in North Australia, who we suspect is  wanted by Interpol  for  snowdropping , provided   a   series  of    photos  of   the ocean  going   laundry , including   the  close  up  below .  

TROPICAL MOON TRACERY

DONALD TRUMP'S SECRET HAND LANGUAGE EXPOSED

World   Scoop  which   will   help   the  CIA 

Imitating a  frisky  Yeti  on a  bad  hair  day  during the  Himalayan  mating  season .

 Frantic  body language  experts  in  spy centres around  the  world , including the  CIA,  are  experiencing extreme  difficulty trying   to  crack  the  numerous  hand  gestures   of   the  fake  fakir of  Pennsylvania Avenue , US President  Donald  J. (for J-Curve )  Trump . However  , with  the kind  assistance of  Wikileaks   founder   Julian   Assange  and  Trump Tower  leakers , we  can  reveal  the  secret  meanings   of   Donald's  wandering  , sweaty  hands.

A  finger  lickin' artist  was    enlisted  to  help explain  the  George  Washington   Masonic-like   hand  gestures   of   the   prez,  using  much  younger  looking  male and female  presidential  figures .  The  first example  , shown below, is  Trump's  way  of   asking the  leading  question : What's new, pussycat ?

In  another , he shows his stated  deep respect for women  by  indicating  God is female ,  a  hard  act  for  Arnie   to   beat .

 

Trump's  digital representation of  Australia, below ,   leaves no doubt that we are the  Land Down  Under , being well and  truly  forked  .  In  fact ,  he uses the same   gesture  when  sniggering  about   that  strange place  called Austria , where , he tells   his Oval  Office inner  circle ,  the   men  wear  red leather shorts  , called Budgie  Smugglers,  slap   each  other  on the back , and  address   each  other  as   mate , cobber  or  boofhead . 



Soviet splish, splash 

The president , we are  informed  by insiders  ,  often   issues  a  warning   to American tourists , diplomats  and businessmen to always carry an  umbrella when  visiting   Russia  because  of  the  frequent showers  experienced  in Moscow. Angry  President  Putin  responded   to   this provocative statement by saying  the  showers   are  the   best  in  the world , designed by Faberge no less . Furthermore,  he  said President Trump , supposed to be the most powerful man in the world ,  is a sook  and should  keep his hands  in  his pockets   and  wear  a poncho  and   gumboots  if  he  is   afraid  of  dancing in the rain  with  April Showers  and  her cuddly  babushka   friends .  

 It comes as no surprise that  President Trump's   frequent sign language for  Mexico   gives the impression of  the fortified  border  between  North  and  South Korea.

Next  fickle fingers of fate   instalment   will  contain  terrifying news for American  Caddyshack   rodents .  

RAMIFICATIONS OF WESTERN AUSTRALIA ELECTION : TURNBULL FACING SEA VOYAGE

Nasty  flockers

SYDNEY :  Colonial  history  seems   about   to  be   repeated  as  ruthless  Liberal Party  faction leaders ,   known as the Rum Corps , two  evil looking members right , are   already   holding  emergency  secret talks  to decide the  fate  of   Malcolm   Bligh  Turnbull . According  to a scurvy  informant in  a  Parramatta  wayside  inn ,   the  Rum Corps  plans to  storm Kirribilli House   during  the  night  and  drag the PM  out  from  under  his  bed  like   Captain  William  Bligh  when  he  was   governor of  the  NSW penal colony   from 1806-1808. Then  the lacklustre   PM , with all  his possessions  loaded  aboard a  fleet of   leaky Manly ferries , will  be   pushed off  in  the  direction  of  the  Caribbean  with  a  one  way ticket , while the power mad  Rum Corps gets drunk on  the  trendy  new grog  made  from  crushed  Northern Territory  green  ants  .

In  recent weeks  the  PM  has  been showing signs that he  knows  his troops  are plotting  against  him , yet he  adopted a   brave  stance , like a   true blue  naval captain on  a  burning deck .  He  projected  the  image  of  Captain  Bountiful , a   famous old , toothless  seadog , with  one leg , one arm , one  testicle ,  one  pet  parrot   and  Lady Hamilton's  vital  statistics  tattooed  on  his  much nibbled  seabiscuit  , who fought alongside Lord Nelson   at   the  historic  Battle of   Brexit   where the  Froggies   had   their  smelly  cheese  caskets  riddled  with  best  British   grapeshot .  

UNIQUE LONG MARCH HOME ARTWORK ON THE ROAD AGAIN

 The  Northern Territory Museum and Art  Gallery  has  declined  the offer by Darwin  activist  Rob Wesley-Smith of   the   above  item  he  made ,   inspired by   champion  Indigenous footballer Michael Long's   march  to  Canberra  to protest against   Prime  Minister John Howard's  refusal to  apologise to the  Stolen Generation . The object sports  Essendon football  sox  and  is minus a floppy  hat marked  M. Long , stolen at a recent event .   The Curator of Australian Art , Wendy  Garden , sent  agronomist Wesley-Smith  the  following letter :

 

Dear Rob 

Jared Archibald passed your contact details on to me and information regarding a work, The Long March Home that you have so kindly offered to the Museum and Art Gallery of the Northern Territory. All works offered for donation must be assessed against a number of criteria set out in our Collection Policy and then a proposal submitted to the Acquisitions Committee which must then be approved by the MAGNT Board so it is quite a drawn out process.

 

This is a great work and commemorates an interesting moment in NT history but unfortunately it doesn’t meet a number of criteria in the Policy. Unfortunately museums are unable to collect everything no matter how much we may want to and there are many concerns we must  address particularly concerning storage and long term conservation requirements.
 

I really hope you find a suitable home. I am sure it has great appeal with the general public.Thank you for bringing this work to MAGNT – I really appreciate the chance to consider it.

 The  letter has left  Wesley-Smith  wondering  what are the criteria used to  judge  offers  and  why  the  Long  March Home  failed  in  some  way ... could it  be  the fear  that Territory  white ants would  eventually  eat  the  exhibit  in storage  ?  

DRAMATIC EPISODES IN AUSTRALIAN POLITICS

A  scandal  involving   a  Premier  and  a  sleepy  widow ;  the  butler who urged  a  Liberal  Prime Minister  , with  a   daughter standing for  election in the  seat of   Wombat , the  electorate said  to  be  named  after  a local  bird ,  to  call  out  the   military  to  shoot  agitators.

 Australian  playwrights   have lost  the  art of  penning  ripping  shows about  the local  political scene . Early in  the   20th century , Louis Esson -dubbed the father of  Australian drama - and  Kiwi   reporter,  poet and novelist   Arthur Adams  served  up  some   unusual   political  entertainment .


In  1914 , Adams     wrote  Mrs  Pretty and the  Premier ,  which even  got  a  run  in London's West End  ,  about a  bachelor Labour Premier  of  New South Wales . An anti-Labour  reporter , on the eve  of an election , threatens to  embarrass    him  by revealing   he  had  a young woman , " Mrs Pretty " , in  his office at 2am . Imagine  how the tabloids  would  treat  this   situation  today .   

 

Turns out  she  had  forced entry into the  office  to protest about  a land  resumption  bill  and  fell asleep in his armchair. Hmmm . The plot thickened when  the  premier   decided  he  must   woo and  marry sleepy Mrs Pretty, within  three days ,   to  avoid  losing  the  election  due  to  the scandal .

There is  a  teensy weensy  problem - Mrs  Pretty is  engaged   to  the Leader of the  Opposition .  Over  three  acts , this " saucy and spry " play   covered  elections  and  the  influence of  the  Press , a  premier so  busy with  his  career  that  he  had neglected women  and  was susceptible to  the coquetry of Mrs  Pretty .   

With a BA , Adams  studied law for a time in New Zealand  before  coming to Sydney in 1898. In  1900 he  covered the Boxer Rebellion in China , spent time in London ,  became  editor of the Sydney Bulletin's  famous Red Page and also ran a similar literary section in Lone Hand .  His influence on matters theatrical   grew when he  became  private  secretary  and  adviser  to  J. C. Williamson  the American  actor  who became  the foremost  theatrical manager  in  Australasia .
 

Louis  Esson , poet, critic and playwright,  born  in  Edinburgh , was  brought to Melbourne at the age of  three . One of his successful  plays was   the 1912   political  comedy   , The Time is Not Yet Ripe, a variation  obviously  used   successfully  by   Gough Whitlam  in  1972.  In  the  play  the  knighted    Liberal  Prime Minister, a former real estate agent ,   has  a  Pommie  butler  who  one  suspects   secretly  guzzles the  best imported  French  wine  kept  in  the  cellar.

 

 The PM's naïve  daughter  , Doris, intends to  stand  for  the wowserish  women's league and   has  a  socialist  fiancé  who  is  also  standing  for  election . Her knowledge of  politics  is vague and she asks   what is the meaning of a  referendum -a  subject  of deep discussion  recently  in the Turnbull amateur  hour  playhouse.  

When told   to  read  Hansard , dear Doris responds  by saying she had been  informed  that  it  would  spoil   her style .  

 

When daddy is re-elected  , the  jubilant   butler , speaking as an Englishman,  not  only suggests  the PM  seize the opportunity  to  call  out  the military and  shoot    paid  agitators , he asks for permission  to invite  the  servants  to  drink   to  his  health  in   ghastly  Australian  wine .