Bellowing Radio Bombast presenter mutilated by toffee apple a day eating deranged simian !
In great breaking news , there are numerous reports that Sydney shock jock Alan Jones has been dragged screaming from his studio by a passionate Yeti and is being torn limb from limb atop the Opera House, the parts placed in a hessian bag and tossed into the sea near the North Bondi outfall .
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| Jones fighting back . |
His blood curdling screams have sent waterfront real estate prices plummeting , especially in the ritzy Toast Rack .
The repulsive, smelly beast had been brought all the way from Mount Everest in a tiny cage to the studio as part of promotion for the richest horse race in the world ,The Big Everest , in which imported Sherpa jockeys will prod doped mountain ponies with ice picks across the line before crowds of cheering Kiwi mountaineers .
Once released from the cage, the hairy female Yeti went berserk, attracted by Jones's pungent Playboy underarm deodorant. It grabbed him in a bear hug and the poor creature instantly broke out in warts . With Jones screaming ,"Who the hell do you think you are !", he was thrown over the amorous animal's shoulder ,subjected to several knee tremblers , and dragged off to the Opera House . A severely scratched Taronga Zoo Yeti expert said this is the height of the Yeti mating season in the Himalayas , and the females go into a passionate frenzy , killing their 10th partner .
Unfortunately , Jones appeared to be number 10 . A spokesman for the NSW premier said it is a shame the power mad presenter's career had ended this way , ripped apart on the famous multi coloured sails of the Opera House , just before a promo for a new version of Gone With the Wind . It would , however , prepare him for a bits and pieces part in the monster movie , The Coalition Planet of the Apes .
