CANBERRA: Angry ALP leader Bill Shorten today accused former PM Tony Abbott of deliberately planning to flood Australia with inferior Pommie pork pies , Windsor sausage and SPAM under a proposed one page trade deal with Britain . This , he said , would lead to the demise of the famous Australian Democracy Sausage and the much loved ALP charcoal burger .
The Brits, said Shorten , were force fed inferior tucker under its involvement in the EU . The once almost edible British Sausage had been killed off by the Euro Sausage . It must be said, he added, that the extremely brave British politician Jim Hacker tried to save the local sausage from the Continental crud , but he had died broken hearted , with a falafel in his hand.
Now the ghastly English grub would be dumped on the unsuspecting Australian community under the proposed Abbott trade pact . In the process , the highly nutritious Democracy Sausage would go the way of the tasty stir-fried Dodo.
"We do not want any food parcels from Britain," Shorten declared . " It is just a blatant move by Abbott , born in the Mother Country , to get a knighthood from the Queen . "
Sporting a brand new jockstrap from Vinnies , eating a curried onion and codliver oil pie , Abbott strongly denied he is angling for a knighthood. "I'll settle for Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports , like the great gourmet in the sky , double-breasted Sir Robert ."
