ABBOTT TO NUKE WOMEN

In yet another brilliant move to improve his standing with women , Tony Abbott has promised to present every mother with a nuclear powered stroller or pram . The Mad Monk came to this rare  policy decision while watching his old punching buddy, Puffing Joe Hockey, pushing a stroller with a child onboard , complaining it was hard yakka . “Joe seemed to be hyper-ventilating ,” Abbott told Little Darwin. “If Big Joe found pushing a stroller hard, just imagine how difficult it is for the weaker sex ?” Abbott proudly announced that the Easter Bunny will insert in the stocking of every lucky mother a clip- on nuclear powered motor to attach to perambulators, strollers and skateboards to make shopping trips and walk-a-thons easier . A true blue focus group in North Sydney tried out the nuclear prams and all were arrested for speeding in a built up area . Of course , these arrests would not take place in the Northern Territory where the hoon-happy Country Liberals intend lifting the maximum speed limit to 300kph on the Darwin - Alice Springs - Bedlam stretch of the Stuart Highway .