WASHINGTON : The FBI is taking seriously a threat by a babbling , anonymous man to shove President Barak Obama in a chaff bag and throw him into the Gulf Stream. An FBI spokesman today told Little Darwin Weirdo Roundsman , Pete Scrofulous , that the chaff bag maniac is the latest dingbat to surface in the US. “Man,” the over-worked FBI man said, shaking his head, “ I’m seriously thinking of moving my family to Australia to escape ratfinks like this spaced-out chaff bag dude .”
A criminal profiler was called in to give the FBI a clue to the identity of the chaff bag hit man to prevent him carrying out his attack. The photogenic profiler , who demanded cash in advance for his comments, said this strange person is probably the product of being brought up in a dysfunctional household where his mother wore a bag over her head every time she went out in public . Because he was an ugly baby, she may have even tried to drown him each time they caught the ferry for an outing at Coney Island . His father , almost certainly, ran a hotdog stall at sporting events and gambled all his money on hay burning slow horses.
CSI MIAMI is also assisting the urgent investigations . Its street wise team advanced the notion that the offender banged his head in collision between a Volkswagen and a convoy of Mack car transporters on Route 66 . He may also have been involved in a racket selling chaff bags full of Unicorn and Rocking Horse shit to simple minded Oakies who play pokies , watch replays of Oakie Doke , the strange cartoon creature made from soggy pea soup ingredients and lives in a hollow house.
American authorities here are worried that there will be an outbreak of copycat chaff bag assaults on political leaders in other parts of the world. Media photo opportunities at the Queensland G20 conference could become a disaster if all those attending suddenly have a large chaff bag pulled over their heads.
