To give Oprah and her screaming entourage an unforgettable Australian experience , our resident culture vulture has arranged for the Australian Arts Council to stage the fabulous 1934 Melbourne hit , The Cedar Tree, which starred our great prima donna, Gladys Moncrieff, for our guests .
This dazzling musical, directed by F.W. Thring, daddy of our movie star Thring , he of the long fingernails and evil leer, contained breathtaking lyrics which brilliantly captured the very essence of the Land Down Under, and still does, according to the US Embassy in Canberra, thanks to Wikileaks .
Cedar Tree tells how pioneer cedar cutters hacked their way through much of the forests in NSW . Jolly lumberjack songs were sung like WHY DOES THE WILD EMU ? with unforgettable refrains passed down to modern times such as :
What makes the native bear go native ?
Why does the praying mantis pray?
Does the wombat hit any boundaries ?
( If so , sign the bugger up for the next Test match.)
While the dingbat shouts hooray!
Has a bunyip got any bunions?
What does the kangaroo ?
And how many winners does a gum tip ?
And does a wild emu ?
Willie wagtails, wattle and dingoes are mentioned and important questions asked include what sort of sting does a wallaby have ; can the lyre bird always tell fresh ones when he gets home late; is the platypus very platitudinous; where does a goanna go and who shaves the mopoke’s mo.
A bloke who sounds like a rustic out of Dad and Dave sings about mysterious girls who are necessary for the population and slacken round the fischu (sic ) -whatever that means -probably something related to whalebone corsets . No doubt this musical will impress Oprah and her party and they will go home with the burning desire to make us another hillbilly state of the union . NOTE : A fichu is a woman's kerchief or shawl, generally triangular in shape,worn draped over the shoulders or around the neck with ends drawn together .
