CANAL CHIC CORRESPONDENT WOWS COOL CONTINENTAL CROWD

Back in France  from South America ,  trimmer  due  to a  touch of Montezuma's Curse along the  way  ,  crumpled Peter  Burleigh is cruising the canals and   proving  to be  a   bigger  hit  than  President  Marcon.  He  modestly  explains  his  sudden   rise  to   fame  exclusively  for   our  dishevelled   readers   thus:  

 

I can now announce that I, your reporter, has recently become one of our planet’s elite celebrities. This is my story, totally unembellished by exaggerations from the rumour mill. Most International celebrities have a personal story to tell, but because they are among the world’s most beautiful people they protect their “brand image” with carefully crafted public relations campaigns. However  everything  you  will  read  here  is   true.

I was born in…but wait, rivetting as it is, that part of my personal history must wait for the release of my autobiography, to be run in 347 chapters in The New Yorker magazine.

 

Instead let us start a mere several days ago, in the town of Montceau les Mines (in English, Mean Monsters) in Burgundy, France. Every June, in virtually every town and village across France, the nation celebrates the Festival de la Musique. On every corner, in every restaurant and bar and in every public space music competes with itself : rock and classical, rap and romance, musical comedy and hip-hop are blended at high volume, energising crowds of people.


I attended an open-air concert in the square in front of the Town Hall, and was grooving along with an unknown band until I noticed something amiss. I thought it was  the  lead singer’s groin which held the crowd mesmerised, when suddenly I realised the vocalist was  not  the centre of attention, I was. People were staring at me. 

 

I am a person who attempts to entrance others through the written word, not through my physical appearance, so when people appeared gobsmacked by my mere presence at the concert, as if I was  an  angel  at a Satanist annual meeting, I was almost speechless.

 No one said anything to me, or asked for my name or my spare change: they simply stared at me like a school of stunned mullet staring at the Messiah. The vocalist finished his groin-thrusting interpretation of Julie Andrews’ “Doe, a deer, a female deer” to an absolutely silent crowd of several hundred, all of whom were fixed on me. Alarmed, I left the scene immediately. No one followed or pawed me.

What    had I done to warrant such a reaction? The crowd looked like it had been asked to explain the Theory of Relativity to an amoeba. What had happened? I checked my reflection in a shop window: no halo, just the usual alcoholic glow. No obscene tattoos had appeared on my face, and I  was not wearing my  Chicken  Suit.

 

Days of deep puzzlement later, while our canal boat turned south into the canal between Digoin and Roanne (towns in southern Burgundy) I concluded that it was my innate ‘foreignness’ which had attracted attention. But how could they have known I was a foreigner?
 

 That night at a canal-side halte, I sheltered from the rain under the eaves of a public toilet, cooking our dinner on our portable BBQ. The weather had turned comparatively cold after the heat wave, so I wore a raincoat, tracksuit pants and socks to keep my feet warm. Then it struck me. I had worn the same ensemble at the concert. People might have interpreted my clothes as an expression of style. It was possible.
 

The crew (Rope Girl and son Marc) posted on Facebook a photo of me standing there in the raincoat, shoulders hunched, hoodie up, socks gleaming through the straps of my sandals. Obviously nothing abnormal there, I hear you say. Yes, but no matter how strange, thousands of potential trends must have gone unrecognised in the past.


When I am in France I always prefer to drink my money rather than wear it, so fashion must have reached out blindly to touch me at a nodal point where my innocent choice of hooded rain coat, socks and sandals had caught the imagination of  a  youthful   audience. 

Burleigh socks  it  to  stunned  French  trendies .

The photograph generated major traffic. Links to YouTube featured a French rap group called Alrima whose gang members/band all wore sandals and thongs with socks, matching their downtrodden slum-dwelling appearance with the supressed poetry of the street artiste. No doubt accelerated by my appearance on Facebook I had awoken an international vibe.

 

The trend was so new it didn’t yet have a name.  I watched the clip on YouTube but couldn’t understand all of Alrima’s words. In fact I still don’t know what the song is about. Would one of my French-speaking readers please send me a translation, warts and all.

 

At one point the lead vocalist raps on about “the smells of summer” and this may be a reference to old socks. Sandals are called ‘claquettes’ in France, which sounds a little like ‘tap-dancing shoes’ or ‘clapperboards’.  It’s not a big step of logic to see that fashion trends  are linked  with entertainment.

 

 Now I have been a celebrity for almost a week. It’s amazing how an ordinary nerdy guy has turned full circle and become ‘cool’ and a ‘fashion icon’. My virtual friends ask me “Which hedonistic calculus applies to your revolutionary sock selection?” and “I call your style round-shouldered chic. What do you call it?” 
 

These are hard questions to answer. I try to be as enigmatic as possible and reply ‘Keith Richards might know’. In truth, I’m mystified. Up to now any clothes that need to be dry-cleaned or worse, ironed, have been banned from my wardrobe. Some responses  suggesting  what I could do with a suit of Lycra have been rude  and  cruel.

Only this morning Pippa Middleton was reported as jealously saying that what I wear is “only clothes”. In reply I ask would she describe a  van Gogh painting as “only paint”?

 

So, how long will my celebrity endure?  Doubters who quote the story of the Emperor’s New Clothes with me cast as Emperor will be proved wrong. Why do we continue to know the names of the Egyptian Pharaohs, actors like Mickey Rooney and Jayne Mansfield and characters like Billy Bunter and Noddy, not to mention authors like Enid Blyton and Mariah Carey? Because they all had something to share and they shared it. That’s the key to successful celebrityship : sharing  yourself  for all eternity.
 

So it’s no good looking for expensive endorsed products with my name on them. As long as I can afford socks, I will share them with all who ask me and  at  a  very  reasonable  price, too.

Celebrity is fleeting and I must soon look inward for my next big thing. My taste of fame which YouTube predicts may endure until tomorrow afternoon, hasn’t aroused in me a wild animal ravenous for his next ’15 Warhol Minutes’, it’s made me sincerely humble, self-effacing  and   unpretentious.

 

RUNNING WITH FORREST GUMP

After recently taking  part in the   running  of  the bulls  at Pamplona , Spain ,  one of our more athletic correspondents   from  the Northern Territory  sent   photographs  taken  while   jogging  along in  the  footsteps of the   final  straight  road   Tom  Hanks  took in  the  l994 Academy Award   winning movie    Forrest Gump .  The road leads  to  Utah's  Monument Valley  which is  to the west  of  Mexican Hat in  Goosenecks State Park .  

  

KOALAS DYING ON ISLAND

Radio National recently carried a  report  about the  plight of Koalas in which it was said  they were in danger of being wiped out in parts of  Queensland  and  New South Wales   due to stress  caused by loss of habitat and  food   through  clearing of land  for   urban expansion ,  farming , mining, road  kill,  dogs , feral cats , chlamydia  and  conjunctivitis .

Illustration from national report on plight of  Koalas , not Magnetic Island . 

Somehow unnoticed by Townsville media  are the  deaths of  Koalas  on Magnetic Island.  Little Darwin recently reported the episode in which devoted  island carer Linda  Wootten, with the help of backpackers and others , retrieved a  distressed  Koala   on the  popular  Forts Walk.  It had a bunged up eye and a  damaged  claw .

 

It was hoped that  with care  and attention  at the Koala Hospital, where it was  found to be undernourished , with a growth on an eye ,   its  condition would improve   for  it  to be operated on  and saved.  This  did  not eventuate  as its condition  did  not improve  and  it  had  to  be  euthanased.

 

Not long  after, Linda had  to retrieve  a   dead  Koala,  on the same Forts Walk,  which   was  found  to  have a  dead  joey in  its pouch . A "terrified " Koala was  recued  during  a  Full Moon Party  at the  X Base  backpackers  resort .  It was described  as  a  "petrified  marsupial ",  gripping for  dear life  halfway up a tree , taken to  a  safer  , quieter  location .   

 

Some months ago a Koala  was   killed  by dogs in the grounds of a residence . Koalas  turn up  from  time to time at the primary school .

 

Cuddly  Koalas  are  used    to sell  the  attractions of  the  island   at  a   time when  the Townsville City  Council is talking about opening up more walking tracks on the  island  which  you  would  think  will  impinge on the Koala habitat . Furthermore, it was enthusiasticaly envisaged   Australian and  Singaporean troops  might   compete against   each  other  in  races across the  island, bring in  bucks.  Anyone  think  what  this   might  do  to  resident  Koalas ?

 More  importantly, what  is  making  island  Koalas  crook,  killing  them  ?           

BATTLE OF THE CORAL SEA HOTS UP

Townsville  Bulletin  torpedoed  with   extreme   loss  of  credibility . 

In  another major  waterfront battle , the Townsville Murdoch   paper recently  called  in  the   mighty U.S. Navy  in  an attempt to  blow  out   of  the water  yet  another group exercising their   democratic  right  to object to a project which will  affect   Magnetic Island   and  the   Great Barrier Reef ... dredging   the  Port of  Townsville to enable it to take bigger  vessels.

 In  doing  so , the  paper, claiming to be YOUR VOICE IN THE NORTH , despite a track  record of  belittling   organisations, groups or  individual  having  a contrary view to alleged  lucrative , you  beaut  projects like  Adani  ,  made  modern  American  naval commanders  appear to be  timid  compared  to  their   brave  WW11 counterparts .

 

On P4 of the Bulletin on July 18  was  a story headed  US NAVY VESSELS  HESITANT TO BERTH.  It  claimed   two  US Navy ships  "are refusing to  dock at   Port Townsville ."   Why ? Because , according to the report, the channel is too narrow , sparking concerns for the  future of tourism  and the defence gateway .

 

However, the  story muddied   somewhat as you read on ...Appearing to have inside  info , a leak perhaps ,  the Bulletin said it " understands" the  captains of the two supply ships  Charles Drew  and  Richard E.Byrd , were "too uncomfortable "   to   come  alongside , one of them anchored  instead  off  Magnetic Island .  

 

But what was the meaning of  this puzzling following   paragraph:  The supply logistics vessels entered the  port earlier  this  month .   This could be interpreted that there was  no problem  in  respect of  the channel on that occasion . Yeah,  but no, but yes .

 

This  situation  (  whatever  it  is ) , said  the paper , came a month after the State government  committed  $75million  to widen the channel, work that would be completed by 2022.

 

The Port chief  executive officer  Ranee Crosby   was  quoted as  saying     there had  been  berthing  applications for the  Richard E. Byrd , but   they  had been cancelled ..." Feedback we received was  the  width  of  the channel leading into the port was  considered very narrow  and  the captain preferred  to  anchor  and use  tender  equipment . "  On and on went the  report , the Department of Defence  not  making  any  comment .   

 

Naturally, the Bulletin ran an  associated  editorial broadside  under the heading US NAVY  PUTS  PORT SHORTFALL IN SHARP FOCUS, in which it was claimed the situation (if it really existed ) was  no less than an embarrassment  on the world stage for Townsville,  needing to be rectified as  soon as  possible  . The dredge spoil would be moved   to land   and the Great Barrier Reef   would not be affected, it  thundered . 

 

Furthermore , there was  a cartoon  showing a  defence vessel  named  ECONOMIC BOOST  blocked from entering the  port , some  gob  on  the bow  wanting  to know how much longer he had  to wait before he could  come alongside and get into the  rum and Coca Cola with the local girls, throw his  dollars about, feed the  widespread   cargo  cult   reporting  in Queensland papers in respect  of cruise and visiting  military ships .

 This   coverage  was  clearly designed to  bombard   into submission  those   persons , especially on Magnetic Island , already belittled  as noisy ,  and outspoken , in  a  previous  report.

 

But no . Out of the  media  smokescreen thrown  up  about   Townsville on many issues  , bearing  down on the  Bulletin  like  the  famous  WWll  battleship  USS Missouri  came  Magnetic Island  respected resident, H.O. "Charlie" McColl ,  with a very slight Viking connection ,  who  fired  a  letter at  the editor,  which  clearly  sank   the  paper.  It was  run by the  Bulletin with a  photograph of  the aircraft carrier  USS Boxer  in Townsville   bearing the high explosive  caption : No Issues.    Which  seems to completely   destroy  the  original  Bulletin  story and cartoon .  Nevertheless , the  paper  went  for a  confrontational heading  on  the  letter , DREDGING  UP  DIVISION, which  read :

 

The commanders of  the USNS ships  Charlie E. Byrd  and Charles Drew  who are said  to be "uncomfortable " about berthing at the Port of Townsville must be  cut  from  different cloth   from  their forebears.

 

Their  210m long Lewis and Clarke-class  supply ships, fitted  with bow  thrusters  and  assisted  by  tugs, are babies  compared with  some of the regular  port users .

 

For instance our oft-seen HMAS  Canberra and   Adelaide (230m) are in and out in a flash (if their engines are functioning  properly( ahem !) and  the mighty  USS Boxer  (257m) docked here for a  high time in 2005  with  no mention  of channel safety  issues.

 

It makes me wonder whether the managers of the port are cynically misusing   a contrived situation  to create a false  sense of inadequacy in the port at a critical moment  in the development  approval process? Remember the port expansion project requires years of  destructive  dredging  and reclamation (i.e. long term turbidity  and sedimentation of  World Heritage Cleveland Bay ) but also  thousands of  truck journeys through the  streets of Townsville  bringing upwards of one million  tonnes of rock  for breakwaters  and revetment  walls for  150 hectares  of reclaim .

 

And at the end of it , a 14 per cent   increase   in maintenance   dredging , all of which  will be sea dumped  in Cleveland Bay  next to  Magnetic Island and the  Great  Barrier  Reef  Marine Park .

 

After back to back bleaching  events and a  50 per cent decline in coral cover on the GBR , I wonder if our caring  and  courteous  American allies have any idea how inconvenient  and unsustainable  their claimed (or labelled )  discomfort really is ?

 

  UPCOMING :  The   battle  to  save  Magnetic  Island . What about  Cairns where  dredging is also planned ? Growing , widespread   opposition , across  the nation ,  to  Adani .  

JAPANESE VIEW OF AUSTRALIA

As a  result of   a  visit  to  various parts of  Australia in l980 , Japanese  painter  Masami Yamada  returned  in  1983  with 30 of his  works for  a  special exhibition  ,  the  catalogue for  which  is  in  the extensive collection  of   a new  regular  contributor  to  Little Darwin ,  art  correspondent  Ponsonby  Willis . The  front  cover illustration is of  a Kookaburra in a Japanese fan; a black Swan , also in a  fan ,  is  on  the  back . 

A  large   folding  screen of  Ayer's  Rock , Uluru ,  stood out  in the  exhibition . Subjects included  Great Barrier Reef  fish and coral  ; a Cairns Pelican ; an outback hotel  at  Orange ; Broken Hill chairs ; the waterfront  Seafood  Restaurant  at  Manly, Sydney ; iron lacework at Albury ; the Hero of  Waterloo Hotel, Sydney .

 

Arranged  by the  Australia-Japan Foundation , the exhibition  toured widely , including  Townsville  ( Perc Tucker  Art  Gallery) ,  Cairns , Canberra. Yamada had  also exhibited  One  Japanese Painter's  Papua  New  Guinea  in Tokyo, PNG  and   parts  of  Australia .          

UP THE ROMANTIC NILE IN DRAG ,STRUMMING A UKULELE

Our S(h)ipping Reporter  turns up   so many strange , dog-eared pieces of  ephemera    and  odd   items which appear to have been scavenged  from  municipal tips  late at  night   that  we  may have to  regularly steam clean  the  Little Darwin office  to prevent  an outbreak  of   scurvy  and  yellow journalism , the  latter spreading  like  mad  in  syndicated  columns and  in  shockjocks  . 

 

It  has been suggested that  he was secretly , officially  appointed  Receiver of Wreck in  North  Australian  waters   so  anything  unusual washed  ashore  or vessels   aground  on  the Great  Barrier  Reef  should  be  handed  over  to  him .

 Smelling like a codfish, he waltzed   into the  office rejoicing over his  latest  find-the above  vintage  piece of sheet  music, My Song of the Nile ,  its spine reinforced by a  piece of  floral material  applied  by a sewing  machine , bearing the  penned name of  Page  and  the  date  17/2/1931.

 

It was the theme song  from the 1929  First National Vitaphone Picture   Drag ,    now described as a "lost silent  film ", supposedly   sung  by  heart-throb  Richard  Barthelmess ,  which  reached  number  17  for one week on the US Billboard chart that year . It seems  Richard  could make the damsels melt  as  the  shot below  of  him    from  the 1930  movie Weary River shows.  

 My Song of the Nile lyrics , with instructions for ukulele players ,  tell of  a pyramid of dreams  where the Star of Allah  brightly beams . Hopefully, desert  stars  will  guide his love to his arms on a couch of  moonbeams on the sand. (Sand could  cause  a major problem , you  would  think ) . This  Cleopatra  like  beauty is  urged  to stop dreaming ! Love, love , love while you may , too  soon  youth  fades  away , so  join in  the   song . 

 

It  sounds like the seductive words of  the great lover of the 1920s, The   Shiek, Italian-American actor   Rudolph Valentino , not  Dick Barthelmess. 

The Drag movie appears  to have   had a  run in Melbourne in 1929, causing   the hearts of  many colonial women   dressed  in  fur coats  to  flutter ... as the savage  Depression set in .            

FAMOUS AUTHOR IN NAME MIX UP

One of the many  attractions of  Cairns is  the  Cairns City Library Literary Trail  which  honours  26 authors, who either wrote about or were residents   of North Queensland , with  a range of artworks . One of those featured  is  the late  Xavier Herbert (1901-1984) , above , who  wrote  the  Australian  l938 Sesqui-Centenary Award  novel  Capricornia,  about  the Northern  Territory .

 It  is in  a prominent  position against  a  wall  near the drive through   book  returns slot.   Designed and executed    by  Sarah Austin  , it  is white  stoneware  clay cut to incorporate  the design , using  underglaze  colours fired to 1220 degrees  Celsius.

Austin  explained  the  artwork  combined neo-classic elements  of the library building   and the almost classic  nature of  Xavier Herbert's writings. It light-heartedly  depicts  the reading public  catching the words and messages  contained  in  his books .  Issues such as nationalism, Aboriginal land  rights  and other social issues . An owl in a  tree  represented   his "wiseness",  parrots repeating  those  wise words . 

 Books depicted  are  Capricornia ,  another novel set in the Territory  Seven Emus  ,  his part autobiography  Disturbing  Element, a collection of short stories  Larger Than Life , Dream Road  illustrated  by Ray Crooke   and  the epic  Poor Fellow My Country , winner of  the Miles Franklin Award   for  Australian  literature , at the time said to be the largest novel  ever written in the  nation.  Not included   is  the novel  Soldiers' Women which  Herbert  said  was  inspired by his observations of liberated  women  in Sydney   during  WWll.  

 

The Cairns  libraries  website  includes   an alphabetical  guide to the  Literary Trail in which  his   first name ,  Xavier ,  is  presented  as  his  surname , so that he appears  to  be   Herbert   Xavier ,  before  William Yang  and Desmond Zwar .  More  posts  about  the  Cairns  Literary Trail  authors to come , including  the  well known Territorian  whose memorial was  stolen .