Big Trev nominated for Purple Heart / Two-headed Yeti to stand for LNP next Mount Everest Braddon contest / Threat to thump somebody during the night in Mayo / Antony Green is a Russian hacker!!!
Deep within the Coalition Funk Bunker in Sydney's Luna Park , Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull , above , mounted on his windy steed, today declared Big Saturday had been a wonderful victory for his rusty knights . The historic nigh on 100 year track record proved beyond a doubt , he muttered in French , that it was impossible for a government to win a by-election race , even if mounted on Fine Cotton .
Thus the election outcome had really been a fabulous Tory jousting tournament win, confirmed by government jester and Croweater Christopher Pyne , appearing open-necked and bare-faced on the ABC Insiders . Limping , due to a huon pine arrow in the foot , the PM made the sensational allegation that the ABC election computer nerd , Antony Green , had hacked and rigged the election vote in all the seats early in the night .
Helped off his knackery-bound nag by a team of lowly serfs and Daily Telegraph reporters , Sir Malcolm promised the Adelaide blue rinse-pearl choker-and cardigan set his vassals will storm Mayo again at the next election in a bid to put the seat back in the hands of the Downer dynasty .
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Ye olde Mayo mercenary foot soldiers .
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Like Pauline Hanson , Turnbull disappeared soon after removing his tight codpiece , which had caused a nasty looking , huge rash . Copious quantities of horse liniment were applied , causing him to scream . Then he went on a secret bow- legged sea voyage to a popular retreat from whence he sent us this wish you were here postcard .
