MOSCOW : President Putin's vast army of official food tasters has gone on strike- demanding danger money before they resume duties in the crazy czar's Kremlin kitchen . A food taster spokesman , Ivan "Fatty" Buntervik, soon to appear in a Russian male shake weight loss TV series , said his tubby workmates fear Putin's rich tucker could be impregnated with knockout drops any day now due to the Wagner uprising .
Buntervik revealed that Putin gorges himself many times a day on caviar, truffles , a drizzle of Malaysian bear bile juice and a huge side plate of polar bear pickled testicles , washed down with 10 litres of vodka , which explains why he looks blotto and cross-eyed while raving on TV. With a bit of luck , Putin will be starved out of office and buried with his weapons of mass destruction , according to the CIA.
