Our intrepid S(h)ipping Reporter , the only one north of Wagga Wagga, discovers the North Queensland port of Townsville is on a frantic war footing , yet the local media, as usual , is unaware , because it seems to suffer from mal de mer , malapropisms and it and the public are thus malinformed about nautical matters .
The first major scoop is that the Red Baron seaplane which has been missing from Townsville for months , without the media noticing , actually snuck back into port and is in the process of being converted, below , into a German underwaterboten . When completed , it will be the first Bananaland built nuclear powered yellow submarine and will sail for the disputed South China Sea soon after .
Following Donald Trump's fiery speech to the United Nations, all windows on ferries running between Townsville and Magnetic Island were blacked over , like clean coal , so that passengers could not see a floating missile launcher being towed out of the port , bound for South Korea , not far from the DMZ.
The boofheaded Rocket Man will get a hell of a fright when he sees the Townsville launcher , draped in terrifying Cowboys bunting , bobbing in the sea.
Also top secret is this picture which shows commando vessels leaving Townsville to carry out a raid on the North Korean seafood trawler base similar to the highly successful one by the Krait on Japanese shipping in Singapore during WWll.
A palpable feeling of war tension is evident on Magnetic Island where a large fake owl, which looks all the world like Kim Jong Unhinged with an outbreak of measles and chicken pox , has been attached to the passenger ramp in a bid to frighten swallows and sparrows to prevent them from doing what comes naturally after a long fight .
All these photographs , and more , were taken in one day in the port of Townsville. The fabulous feature article written about them will undoubtedly win an esky full of Walkley Awards for our modest S(h)ipping Reporter , who spends much of his time in Molly Malone's Irish Pub , close to the waterfront,wetting his whistle .
