ROYAL EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE THAT PHON POLITICAL PARTY IS PERISHING BLOW UP DOLL

Canberra's  top  award  winning  political  reporter  Argus Tuft  on  the sexy  election   trail .

Queen Victoria   has  been  so  thoroughly   amused  by  all  the  nautiness  going  on  in  the Queensland  lubritorium  that  her Scottish attendant, Mr Brown , has  had  to  loosen  her  whalebone  corsets. 

First off  , Victoria Regina  began  to  giggle when she heard that  the   owner  of a  Townsville sex  shop, cutely named Cupid's Cabin , is standing for Pauline Hanson's One  Nation (PHON) .   Her  Majesty   joked  that  Abe  Lincoln probably had  been brought up in   a  cabin  with a  similar  name, Donald Trump almost certainly,  which caused  all  those within earshot to  guffaw , some  old duchesses  to  break  wind  as  well . 

A titter ran throughout  the  palace as her  remarks were relayed  by court lackeys. Queen Vic said  Pauline Hanson obviously has  sinus  trouble , going on her  nasally  voice, and suggested she  see the Mad Doctor of Harley Street, who might  donate money  in  a  brown paper sick bag   to   PHON as  he is  troppo and  supports  weird  causes.

The Queen is intrigued by Ms. Hanson's  so called backbone , the little  Pommie  chimney sweep , Malcolm    Roberts,  who is  running about  the electorate of Ipswich promising to build a  coal fired powered station somewhere in  the Sunshine State, but he is not  sure where . The  Queen  said  when  Roberts     fails   to  be elected  she will order him to come back to the Old Dart  and make him  one of her   court  jesters, or get  him to shovel up the  droppings   from  the  Mall  each morning . 

Announcement of the Queensland  election  caught Ms. Hanson  with her  jodhpurs  down  in India  .  Unconfirmed reports said she  was   undergoing a  crash course in Bollywood  dancing   at  Agra when  the news  broke   and  she had to  hire a  passing  elephant  owned  by a  hashish mad  uber  driver to dash   to the airport. The  ancient  city of Agra is well known by many of  the  doddering  males   who  vote  for  PHON  , as  revealed  by  this  advertisement .   

On arrival back in Orstralia  with an Adani sample bag , Hanson hired a Battler Bus   ,  popped a  bottle of  bubbly  for the media rat pack , jumped in ... and  the vehicle broke down . The magic hands of Mr Brown  had to be  engaged   once more in  Buck Palace   to ease the  strain on  the Queen's ribcage when she read the breakfast   news bulletin  from  the  colonies and  laughed hysterically , nearly choking on a seaweed  sandwich.

 

The royal physician  had to be called when the  Queen fainted on being informed that the Queensland  PHON  leader , Steve Dickson,  who  took French leave from the Liberal National Party, had warned that  female masturbation was   being taught in  Bananaland  schools . Dicko  subsequently announced  he  got  the  wrong end of the  message  stick  on  this  delicate  subject  and  apologised . Nevertheless, her normally  most serene highness , on regaining consciousness , shouted instructions for Dickson to be  hauled off  to the  dreaded Tower of London  should  he  ever  dare  put  a  foot  on  Pommie  soil .     

 

Recovering , still sniffing smelling salts , the Queen again turned green when she was told  that    National Party vassals  are  furious  as  the Turnbull Government  massaged Ms. Hanson  in a  secret  backroom   and  agreed to let her make  statements   about    proposed   government  expenditure  in   the  bush . In addition, they supported  the  obsessive Hansonites to  put the boot into Aunty ABC .
 

NEXT :  PHON/LNP promise good vibrations all  round , with free solar powered batteries, a  casino on  every Queensland island , buckets of Adani  coal to keep the  home fires  burning   during  heatwaves  and  droughts.    

FLAMING LORIKEETS

In a tasty  Illawara Flame Tree  from whence is made an essence said to release  you from   feeling  deeply  hurt, rejected . From our observations of the  Lorikeets  they do not  indicate such unhappy symptoms , tending to  be excessively  lovey  dovey  towards  each  other .  

TOWNSVILLE'S JEWEL IN THE CROWN WELCOME BLOWN APART

Where  are  the  tourist  industry  cowboys ?

The latest view of a large part of the blown  down wall of  Welcome to Magnetic Island  banners erected  on the barricade surrounding the  notorious  island  hole near the ferry terminal .   Townsville  media, somehow, has not become aware of this  situation.  The display claimed  Townsville  shines and   sports  the Townsville City Council  emblem .   Since October  18  ,  this blog has drawn  attention to the disintegrating  wall ,   erected  with  fanfare  ,  just  before the annual  yacht race , probably to hide the  hole from  public gaze .  

This  ripping yarn   has  produced , below,  a  new  culinary treat on the island : slashed and smashed avocado, served up  on a torn   panel...not far from  a mutated,  tattooed  Koala.

An alert, real media organisation ,staffed by two and a half  old codger  journos on medication ,  would  go through Townsville like  a  packet of salts .    

Large pile  of  banners  peeled back  in  a  heap on  roadway , above, where buses  drive into terminal . The  bundle was  picked up and tossed over the barricade into the  hole .

CARS EATING CITY SHOPS; ISLAND VENTURES SQUASHED BY STEAMROLLER



TOP  GEAR  CHECKOUT  REPORT

Reflecting the tough trading conditions , every so often  a Townsville  shop   closes  and   it  stands  out  like a sore  thumb .   In  the case of  closures  in  major   shopping centres , it is a wonder  that  some of them  lasted  so long , the  stock  often   mass  produced  crud.

At  the CastleTown Shopping   Centre  it has been  noticed  that on three  occasions  an empty shop  has quickly  been   replaced  with   cars  as a stopgap  measure .  In the first instance,  a nondescript   clothing  outlet  disappeared  to  be replaced  by  a   few  poorly  lit  cars, a  man sitting in the  back  in  the  gloom wearing what could have  been  a camelhair coat  .  Some time later , the cars had  gone and there was  another new  vendor of  consumables .

 Then , sadly, the  large  Angus and Robertson bookshop  closed  and  in  came  another motorcade, once more  the  area open,  poorly lit.  Now  it seems to be occupied by  a  brightly  illuminated  Santaland. After Christmas , will it  be back to  a  temporary  car parking lot ?


Just  last  week , there  was  another  vacated  shop  sporting  cars , the  lights  in the garage once more  dim,shown below. Don't they want to pay for electricity?  An occupational health and  safety officer  would  hasten to point out it is  dangerous  for  shoppers  to  be  roamin  in  the  gloamin'. 

 

There could be an interesting story along the lines of the cars that ate Paris  for  an  investigative reporter.  What  is the arrangement with car companies?  Why are the lights  down low ?  Are  cars being taken off all  those  vehicle   carriers  that lob in port , without  media coverage ,  going straight  into  shopping centres  all  over the north ? Incidentally , the S(h)ipping Reporter  says there  was another large vehicle  transporter  in  port  about  a  week  ago called   Aegean  Highway .

ECONOMIC  WINDS   BUFFET   PICNIC  BASKET




No spring , no  rolls,  no menu , no  picnic.  

After many years of  trading , Alby's Chinese Restaurant ,  Picnic Bay, Magnetic Island , has  closed  without mention in the  mainland media , par  for  the  course . An island resident   said the  previous owner of the café  had been  "the biggest Chinaman in Australia " , served  scrumptious  tucker, and was called Donald , which does  not sound oriental .  It  is the latest venture  to  fold in  what some refer to as  the dead end of  the  island  . The   economic slide   started  when  the main  ferry entry  point  was  switched from  the Picnic Bay  jetty to  the new terminal at  Nelly  Bay  a  decade or  so ago.   

 

The  now  empty premises are  in  the  depressing  looking  arcade  where the only place trading  is  an Italian restaurant , Mona Lisa the dishwasher.  Nextdoor  is a  barricaded  area  with several empty shops  , one  still open for business,  a  hairdresser . Artscape, which sold a  variety of  island artwork and  then coffee, pulled out and moved to Nelly Bay .   Further  along  is   the   still  functioning  Picnic Bay Hotel , which once had a large live crocodile in a pool . Black  screens  block  from view  the  incomplete formwork  for  proposed   extensions. It was claimed years ago   that  a number of New Zealanders had  invested  in proposed townhouses  which  never  got  built . Picnic Bay clearly needs  a  quick , major  conference   to  work out   events  and  other  ways  to  help  boost  business, apart from a beercan regatta  that  frankly  was  small  beer  compared  with  Darwin's original. 

VICAR OF DIBLEY IN SAME SEX MARRIAGE CONFRONTATION

Roaming about  on   foot and in  cars late at night  and  early in the morning  on Magnetic Island are  some odd  individuals .  Shortly  after  6am , a  woman with a YES vote   sign  at  the front of her establishment   was  assailed  by  a person , let's  call  him Ned Nong of Nelly Bay , who drove up and spat at  her  .

It was an offensive  event destined to become similar to an  episode of the   Vicar of Dibley  in which  the  idiotic character  , Jim Trott , spits out ," NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!...YES!"

 No  kidding , the  jerk  who spat at the woman was driving an easy to identify car  and  was seen  turn up  a   street  not  far  away . A quick scout of  the area  discovered   the  car . Imagine  the  driver's  shock  when  some time  later  across  his  drive  in  large  letters  was the  message:  YES  

There are a thousand  stories on  Magnetic Island, all   missed by the Townsville   media, which  specialises in  taking in each  other's thread-bare washing , this  has been  one of  them , 999 to come.  

ISLAND FIGS ENDANGERED ; DARWIN NEGLECT

There is growing  concern  about  the condition  of  a popular  Moreton Bay Fig at Nelly Bay  on Magnetic  Island . For most of  this year, the tree , photographed  many times by visitors to  the island,  has been looking  under stress.  A  concerned   nearby  resident has started  running   water  in  hoses to  the  base of  the  tree   and notified  the Townsville City Council of  the situation . There is a feeling that because it has been a dry year  underground  streams  which  feed  or flow near   the  fig  have  dried up .  Evidence of this  theory  is  the  observation that when the   tide is out  , water normally seen  flowing  from   the foreshore  near  the  tree   is  not   visible .

Not so very long ago a fig tree on the island in a prominent place  got the chop, the council claiming it had a disease of some kind. This latest situation raises questions about   the overall  threat  to  the island's  other   fig trees. 

 

Meanwhile , in Darwin , the Milkwood tree in the CBD   which survived Cyclone Tracy and  was  designated   a special  tree  has been confirmed as  dead .No explanation  has been given  as  how this  was allowed to  happen . A few puff pars in a  giveaway newspaper surmised  there may have been  a problem  getting water to  the tree . How this could  happen  when the  Darwin City Council has  parks and gardens staff is hard to understand . The person responsible for  getting the  tree    listed as  significant , agronomist  Robert Wesley-Smith,   would  like  the media to do  a  proper  investigation .

 



MOVE TO REPLACE LORD'S PRAYER

Some members of  the  Darwin City Council  in the Northern Territory of Australia  want to  have  a reading other than  the  Lord's Prayer  at the start of  meetings. Longtime  Darwin resident  Robert Wesley-Smith , who  takes an  intense  interest in civic  affairs ,  has  made an offering , not as a suggested replacement , but  to  further  discussion on the issue.   It  is an  Irish blessing , made famous by pop star, songwriter  Sinead O'Connor , which was  sung by a small  choir  to  Wesley-Smith's  mother  the  day  she  died .  

 

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
May the rain fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again, until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand