THE SILENCE OF THE LAMINGTONS

Australia’s  answer to  Britain's   famous  seadog , Lord Nelson, correspondent  Peter Burleigh , and  his  caulking  consort , Lady  Judi ,  have  been missing  for  yonks  , feared   captured  by  the  Spanish  as  they crossed  the  English Channel  to  get  their  cruiser , The  Butterfly , out  of  mothballs  in  France  .  Semaphored  under  great  difficulties  and   at  extreme  expense ,  Pete  breaks  his  silence.  





  Burleigh  love  boat  embraced  by  French  cradle

 

When explorers go missing, the public expects they have been distracted by an insurmountable challenge – for example, climbing Mt Kilimanjaro one-legged, on a pogo stick – but in this case it’s a combination of unnatural elements which   has  caused  our  silence.

 First, a knot of Arctic weather positioned itself above our canal-boat base in St Jean de Losne and second, we are going through the slow process of making the boat water-worthy. Third, we cannot pick up the Wifi signal in the marina and cannot communicate except by drums or carrier pigeons. So we were not as lost as you might have thought, merely technologically and meteorologically challenged.

 SPRING  HAS  NOT  SPRUNG 

 

Instead of  the warm  Spring welcome we expect, we  are blown into the boatyard under a low ceiling of rainclouds. Our first job was to prime and paint anti-fouling on the bottom of the hull and repair several scars above the waterline, caused last year by lock gates and walls leaping out at the boat without warning and savaging the paintwork, but days pass in a fast-forward weather mode: 30 minutes of light rain, 30 minutes of overcast, 30 of high wind, 30 of sunshine, 30 minutes of heavy rain, then 30 of the above, randomly combined…and so on, preventing us from working outside. 

Observing  this  from  my position lying under the boat, and participating in the weather by allowing rain to run down my neck, I realise that Michelangelo had it very easy in the Sistine Chapel. Mike had a roof. He was out of the weather. His paints were not made from the most carcinogenic chemicals known to man. The Chapel ceiling did not require anti-fouling. His foreman was the Pope, who was required by the Commandments to be nice to him.

 SINFUL  BOTTOM  LINE  THOUGHTS

Despite a boilersuit, gloves, hood, goggles and mask I feel the mutations occurring in my blood and brain as the anti-fouling goes on. Three coats of it. Thick, syrupy stuff, probably radioactive as well as everything else, attacking the lungs and bone marrow and very hard to get off the skin; after trying steel wool, white spirit and acetone amputation seems an easier solution.  The foul fumes bring on fantasies. Lying on the cold gravel clutching my paint roller and staring at the bottom of the hull, I wonder if every boat is indeed a ‘she’, whose bottom would I prefer to be painting?

 My imagination tries Angelina Jolie’s (too much plastic) and Janet Jackson’s (wrong hue) and ends with Mother Theresa’s, which finished off  that line of speculation. Eventually her bottom (the boat’s) was adorned in a beautifully smooth, vibrant Varicose Blue. Judi’s deft turn with filler, brush and sandpaper concealed the bumps and grinds. The annual search for spots of rust must wait for better weather.

 
KILLER  CAT

The boatyard at night is a creepy wilderness of deserted boats and shredded tarpaulins snapping in the wind. Staying on board is possible, but to climb down the ladder and go to the outdoor WC at 2am is not pleasant. This year we rent a tiny cottage in the yard and enjoy its Sistine benefits – a roof, a fridge, a kind of kitchen, heating and no ladders. You can read a chronology of its past inhabitants by the layers of dirt in its corners, like the rings in a treetrunk. For all that it is fun, and a kind of luxury. The dominant Tomcat in the yard visits regularly, ready to fight intruders both feline and human. Both his ears are bitten off, so there must be an even tougher cat around, probably named Tyson.

 

After 10 days we are lowered into the Burgundy Canal by crane. No matter how many times we do this, there are moments of sheer aghastness as the boat swings perilously close to the concrete wharf. The voyage from the wharf to the marina is at least 800 metres, and here we still lie, watching a new galley cupboard and stern hatch being installed, and standing by to replace a fridge which flattens the boat batteries overnight. A plate in our gearbox is (apparently) in Dijon for re-drilling and refurbished connectors. The mechanic told us he would not let us leave, as the part may have failed at any moment. As we are considering a trip down the Danube, a major engine breakdown in that river’s strong current would be a MAYDAY event…and do the Albanians recognise the MAYDAY signal?

 BAD  APPLE, TASTY LOBSTER ,  FRIG  MYSTERY  

The lack of Internet access again reveals how dependent we are on our computers. After a week I get the twitches. Judi goes through the security fence to sit on a plastic chair in the carpark, where she picks up a Wifi signal on her i-pad. My PC laptop refuses to consider recognising the signal in such an uncouth environment, so I am reduced to silence, made enforced by Apple’s refusal to be compatible with Windows machines.

With our repair and installation projects holding us back, our departure date for canals unknown is unclear but we are maintaining our normal standards of indulgence (a new benchmark was reached on Singapore Airlines when we had Pate de Fois Gras followed by fresh Lobster Thermidor). 

But wait. Our new refrigerator, an identical twin to the one which had a coronary last year, has arrived at the marina and it’s only been dropped a couple of times, probably from less than three metres above the ground. What are you going to do, try to get satisfaction for an international Internet purchase in France? No, our way of handling it will be to keep the new fridge in its carton for as long as possible. This way we can’t see any damage until the last minute and, a big and, there remains a remote chance  that only the cardboard packing has  been bruised. NEXT : A language  warning  followed  by   Parramatta  Virgins  who   add  to  frantic   shipboard  activity .

STAYPUT PORTUGUESE # 2- Continuing biog of Crusading Editor,"Big Jim" Bowditch.

Reporter  Les  Wilson  was  enthusiastically  following up  an angle in  the  Stayput Portuguese saga  when  he and  NT  News  photographer Joe  Karlhuber  drove  to  the  Fannie  Bay  Hotel  at  night.      On   receiving  certain  information ,  Les  drove   back  into  town  at  great  speed  in  case  he  was  being  followed  by  police,  overtuned  the  office  car   and  was   trapped  by  the  foot.   Karlhuber , who  had  been  thrown  about,  crawled  out  and  helped  free  Wilson  who  suffered  mild  concussion.

Karlhuber  worked  under great  difficulties   and  operated   out  of  a  primitive  darkroom  at  the News . He  had a refrigerator  which  was  supposed to  be used  for  keeping  photographic  chemicals , but   other  people   had  different  ideas.     Even  when  he  chained  the  refrigerator , staff   members  would  get  into the  frig  with  bolt  cutters    and  fill  it  with   grog.  Because  of  the   frig ,  drinking  sessions   were   often  held  in  the  darkroom  and   Joe  frequently  had  to  clean  up  a  mess  of  empty  cans, bottles  and  fag  ends.   Coca-Cola  installed  an ice chest in  the newspaper and instead  of  filling it  with softdrinks it was used to store beer and rum , and was eventually  taken  away .  



Karlhuber  photo taken in  News  carpark .

Karlhuber   was  covering  a  soccer  match  when  a  fight  broke  out  between  players and  supporters .    He  took  a  series  of   photos of  the  brawlers   and  then  some  players  turned  and  ran  at  him.   He  stood  his  ground  and  kept  on   taking   shots  before he  was  grabbed  and  manhandled.  The  photographs  were  run  all  over  Australia  and   Bowditch  congratulated  him .

 

With  May Day  coming  up   and  plans  to  give  the  Federal Government  and  Immigration Minister Downer  a  real  burst   with   floats  throughout  Australia , it was  surprisingly   announced  the  Malays  and  the  Portuguese  could  stay  in Australia. It  was  a   stunning  victory    for  all  concerned  in  the  stayput  battles ,  especially  so   for  the  tenacious  editor  of  the  ramshackle  newspaper  in  Darwin.

 

In  his capacity as  secretary of the North Australia Workers' Union, Paddy Carroll , subsequently  issued an appeal for  a voluntary  levy to  pay for the   two   campaigns.  Both  battles , he said, had  run  up  large  legal   debts  and  other   expenses:-

The editor of the Northern  Territory News  , Mr Jim Bowditch  , who led Australia’s newspaper   campaign, arranged for loans  totalling over  800 pounds ($l600)  from his company  with the approval of  the chairman of directors, Mr  Rupert Murdoch. All this money was spent on legal and other costs. The generous   gesture from  the company  carried no interest , but Mr Bowditch was made  clearly  responsible to see  the money repaid. He personally spent  600 pounds ($1200)   during the campaign , and has written this  off  to a good cause and experience , but must meet the debt to The News.  Jim Bowditch is a wage earner like the rest of us , and has no chance  of  finding this money without  considerable hardship  over a long period.  The consequences of failing  to repay the money  must be fairly obvious and he is now under pressure to do this. If members  of this union could  agree to contribute a matter of ten shillings($1)   per head  the debt to The News  would be paid and  the individual freed from a responsibility that  is not really his …

Betty Bowditch  said  Jim  never  had  any trouble  raising  money  for his crusades.  Where it came from , she  did not know  - "  he just got it " .  One likely answer , only revealed  in the  year 2000,  was  that  Bowditch had a  very influential  guarantor  for an  overdraft  with the Commonwealth  Bank - Ken  Waters , the  prominent Darwin  businessman, former  mayor   and    father  of  the   NT ALP  secretary , John Waters , QC. It  appears  Waters  senior  had  been  left  holding  part of the  financial baby  in  the  end .    

The  Malay  Jaffa Madun  became  a  prominent  Darwin  identity . A chef at  the Parap  Hotel,  he  took   out   the  title  of   Australia’ s  best  steak  cook . It would  appear  that  the  thwarted authorities still  kept a close and vindictive   watch on  the Malays . Zainal  was deported  for petty offences  some years later. One related to  being in possession of  waste lead which  he  recovered while  on a worksite   replacing   lead pipes  in  a bathroom   with  vinyl tiles.   It was  common practice  for workers in Darwin to hoard  this scrap metal  to fund  their  Christmas  party . The  recovery of scrap metal had not  been an issue in the past.   Another  offence was  being  found  on the premises  of an illegal gaming house. If  playing   cards in an illegal  gambling  den  was a  major offence  deserving  deportation , then  Darwin   should have  been  reduced to a  ghost town.  NEXT :    The Murder .        

MUTINY ON THE BUDGET-LET THEM EAT BREADFRUIT , SAYS FLOGGER

 

Bounty now in hands of revolting Orstralians

ADMIRALTY , LONDON :   Rear Admirals   and  investors  in  the South Seas  penal colony of  Australia Felix have been shocked to hear that  the convicts have  revolted  against  increases  in  the  rum , gum  and castor  oil  ration  and  overpowered the  crew of   the  bumboat , HMS Bounty , the   former  bottom  of  the Sydney  Harbour  corporate   tax  dodging hulk,  HMAS Wink Wink .  The governor  , Captain Gorblimey ,  a  God-fearing  martinet , inflamed the colony when he   ordered a  large part of the community  to be  given a  touch of  the  cat , wielded  by  his  rope smoking  first  and  last  mate , bulky  Bluto ,   whose  grannie  runs a  noisy speak easy  in  Botany  Bay . 

 

  The   true  blue  First  Sea  Lord  of the Admiralty  says  the  scurvy rats  who   have  commandeered HMS Bounty     had   thrown    Captain Gorblimey   and   his  diminishing band of  supporters  into a  rowboat  and told  them to  head  for  Van Diemen’s Land where  they   will  be  gainfully  employed  chopping  down  forests  and  shooting  the  locals and thylacines.

Meanwhile ,  there  are unspeakable accounts of  unseemly  acts  being  performed  in  the rigging  by  the ruffians who have  taken over  the  HMS Bounty .They  have set sail for the Caribbean  where they intend to set  up a tax  dodging  settlement  to serve  the  international  corporations  which regularly  skin  Australia Felix , turning it  into a  sick economic pussy. 

WIN FOR BARRIER REEF - ANOTHER GETUP SUCCESS EXPLAINED

Townsville , headquarters  of  the Great Barrier Reef  Marine Park  Authority .Townsville Bulletin  gave  bank  rejection  a mere six paragraphs without mention of  GetUp  involvement . 

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Deutsche  Bank, one of  the  world's biggest investment banks, has ruled out funding the huge Abbot Point expansion on the Great Barrier Reef coastline.

GetUp says  it  will be so much harder for the Indian coal companies to borrow the tens of billions of dollars they need to dig up coal, dredge millions of tonnes of seabed, and ship it though our Great Barrier Reef World Heritage Area. This has been an incredible effort spanning multiple countries, numerous organisations and hundreds of thousands of people from all around the world.

It all started on Monday, just days before Deutsche Bank's AGM, when investors across the world were watching closely. GetUp members mobilised with a huge last-minute fundraising effort to run a full page colour ad in the biggest financial newspaper in Europe.The ad sparked international media coverage, including a major feature in Germany's leading newspaper. It talked about "the powerful group GetUp who were pressuring Deutsche Bank not to support the Reef projects." The Financial Review in Australia said it was "another example of increasingly sophisticated campaigning by environmental groups."

Then, when all eyes were on Deutsche Bank right before their annual general meeting, concerned people flooded their Facebook page, targeted them on Twitter, and filled their inboxes with emails. The result was unequivocal. The head of Deutsche Bank's Supervisory Board declared "we are currently not involved with this project and will also not be involved with it in the future.".

GetUp says this extraordinary result has come about from a remarkable local effort, and a truly global campaign. A special thank you to Campact, an organisation just like GetUp based in Germany. Thank you also to  WWF Germany, Greenpeace, Market Forces, Urgewald, AMCS, BankTrack and all others who have been a part of this. Without them, none of this would have been possible..." But most of all, thank you. Thanks to you and to the hundreds of thousands of people in Australia and Germany who united to build this irresistible force. "

Change like this can only come about when  enough people determined to make a difference come  together, says  GetUp..." Individually we are small, but together we can beat anyone. This time, we took on one of the largest investment banks in the world. We know this decision will send a definitive statement to other potential investors around the world: investing  in the destruction of our Reef is not worth the risk. "

Now, it's time for Westpac, Commonwealth Bank, ANZ and NAB to follow suit.  

SUBVERSIVE ABC ACCUSED OF UNDERMINING LOONEY TUNE GOVERNMENT

Abbottville is   furious with the  ABC  for its  plan to  lift the  morale   of  the  nation with  a  happy  song  from  the  bad  Depression   days  of  some 80 odd  years  ago . This dastardly   move  by  the  ABC  comes  at a time when  the  Coalition wants  the  unwashed  Australian  population  to  feel  it  is   about to  be  hit  by  asteroids  and  survivors  devoured  by ravenous  dinosaurs   due  to the   ALP   when it  was   in  government .

 

For  four  years solid  the Coalition has  been  hollering “Budget crisis” , “spending like  drunken sailors ”, “ cash splash ”  , “ looming certain disaster ” , “ run for the hills ”- until  the average  stiff has  been   reduced to  a  quivering  Aeroplane  jelly , begging  the  true  blue  leaders to  save   him / her    from  the  apocalypse  .

 Everything  was going  along  fine in the fear and loathing  campaign   until the  socialist   OECD  , G20 and envious  EU , even the Wall Street robbers and their associated  partners in  crime , the rating agencies  , all said  Australia   coming out of the  GFC   virtually  unscathed  was a  miracle.  

 

 Now  the  wretched   ABC  wants  to  undermine  the mother of  all  fear campaigns  by  relaunching the  ABC  Optimists’ League   and  song , a monty to  win the next  Eurovision song contest  if  sung  by  a  sheila  with  a  beard  wearing a  Rabbitohs  footie jumper...The  above  rare   sheet  music cover   in  the Little Darwin Collection  shows the l930s  Prime Minister , James  Scullin  (ALP) , heartily  singing  the ABC   song  to  boost  the  spirit  of  the nation . If  he were alive today, the  Abbott  government  would   have  him  dragged out  and  shot .     

SKETCHES FROM A BLACK AND WHITE LIFE - TOP CARTOONIST , VANE LINDESAY : THE WAR YEARS .

 Like Communist   author, Frank Hardy,   cartoonist , theatrical  designer ,  book illustrator , author, Vane  Lindesay , of  Melbourne ,   saw   war   service  in  the Northern  Territory. He   was  in  Darwin  the   day  Japanese  bombed   the  city  on  February  19,1942.  There is  an  account of   that   momentous  event  in  his  above  autobiographical  book , published  by  Trojan , 2005 ,   from   which  he  kindly  agreed   information  and   illustrations  could   be   taken  for   this  series .

 In  the Signal  Troop of the 19^th Machine Gun Battalion  , Lindesay  headed  north  from Adelaide  by   train  and  at  Alice  Springs, the  end of the  line ,   bought  a  bullroarer  from an Aborigine.   The  rest  of  the  journey to  Darwin  was   made  in  hot , dusty   trucks  and on  arriving  in  the Top End   they were placed  in  open  railway cattle trucks  for  the  last   leg . They  went  into camp at  Winnellie  and  then  to  what  is  listed  in  the  book as   “Nutty's Lagoon”,  which almost certainly  would have  been  Knuckey’s Lagoon. However , knowing  the Australian  sense  of  humour  and the goings on  in Territory military camps , Knuckey's  may well have been converted  to  Nutty's .  For example , in  the  camp where Hardy was based,  there was  a sign over the doorway of a hut :THE KREMLIN . Abandon Hope All  Who Enter. 

 Lindesay  wrote  that  soon after  arriving  in  Darwin  the  troops witnessed  the  departure, and return , of the 2/2 Pioneer Battalion, headed  for  Koepang,   forced  to   turn  back  after being  bombed  at  sea.

 While in Darwin  ,  Lindesay  drew   on  a  piece  of   YMCA  note  paper  the above  first illustrated cover   for the  December  21 , l942  Christmas edition   of  the  Australian Army Education Service publication , Salt  (an acronym  for Sea, Air, Land Troops), with a  circulation of 180,000. Prior to that , the  cover had  been  grey ,  overlaid  with   lines  of   type , as  below  right .

 The  cover  note   said  the Aborigine  , Johnny ,  was  popular with  Diggers in Darwin's "lush  and vernal  jungle,"drawn by Lance-Corporal J.C. Lindesay , CMF. Wearing an Army tin hat  and carrying a 9ft spear, he was  a  curious sight  and  had  offered  his services for  the  war  effort  as  an  air  raid warden. 
 

The  day  of  the  Japanese attack  on  Darwin , Lindesay was  a member of a  party  stringing out a telephone  cable  through  the  bush  to  a  machine gun post  when they  heard  the sound of  massive  explosions. Seconds  later, a low  flying   fighter  plane,   was  seen  and  they  dived for  shelter  behind  anthills .

 One  of   the  vessels sunk in  the harbour was  the American destroyer , USS Peary, which he had visited a  week earlier . When  he and others  came across  a  shot down  Mitsubishi  zero  fighter a few days later, they  all  took  souvenirs , against regulations . Vane used  a  nail file  to  fashion  a  flat,  tiny  enemy  plane  , still  in  his  possession.  Suffering  trauma  from  the  Japanese attacks , Vane  spent  time in a  field  hospital  at Adelaide River and  was  sent  back  to  Melbourne  .

Camp  Pie section  of  October  1942  Salt  edition  sketch  by  American

[It is  interesting  to note that  another  famous  cartoonist  and  war  correspondent, Tony  Rafty, whose  life has  been  covered in  Little Darwin (Blotchy Artist Captured Wartime Darwin –October 19, 2011),  spent five months in  Darwin during the war.  He  was also  placed  in hospital   when  unexplainable  blotches  broke out on his body. While there, he entertained staff with  drawings of  personnel . A  senior officer decided   he was more valuable as an artist than an infantryman , and arranged for him to be   sent to the Australian Military History Unit, St. Kilda, Melbourne , where he became a war artist , designing  jackets  for Army and Air  Force  journals ; as a war correspondent and artist  , he went on  to  become   close  to  President Sukarno   of  Indonesia  . Both  Rafty   and   Lindesay  became   friends  . ]   

Back  in  Melbourne ,  Lindesay  was  put to  work  by  the Army loading   ships  and  trains  and  even had a spell as  a  pay clerk .  In  a  way ,  his   time  in  Darwin , despite the  impact on  his  health , was  to prove  fortunate  because  he  was  then sent to join the  talented  band   of   individuals- " all eccentrics " - who  produced  Salt.    Readers of the publication were  urged  to  "Pass  the  Salt" after  reading as it was  distributed on  the basis   of  one  in  three  of  all  ranks. 

In this  Salt  group photograph, Vane Lindesay  is second  from the right in the top row ,  editorial  artist  Ambrose  Dyson is  fifth  and  Frank Hardy  is seventh .   Dyson  and  Hardy  were    very   close ;  Dyson would  later contribute  chapter   drawings to  Hardy's  highly controversial  book , Power  Without  Glory , which saw the author  charged  with  criminal  libel  and  acquitted .   

1945 Lindesay Christmas  cover depicts  soldier chasing  a  chook  with a souvenired  Japanese   sword  . Bogus swords, he said , were made  by enterprising Australians   from  Jeep  springs  and  sold  to  unsuspecting   Yanks .

 Frank   Hardy   joined   Salt , after  Vane ,  in 1944 .  Hardy   was  not  employed  as  an   artist  or  writer. He  was  a " press artist " -  meaning   he  supplied  a   range  of   small drawings  or   symbols  used   to  decorate  a   page , break  up  a  block  of  print  , like  a   crossword  ,  a  map  .  Such  an  item  is  called   a   dinkus .   Affable ,  Frank  ,  lean ,  was   full  of  self , but  not   pompous  .    

Hardy had  described himself as a  backyard journalist and  cartoonist  when he was   based in the NT ,  down  the  track   at   the  Australian Army 8^th Advance Ordnance  Depot ,  Mataranka. 

In the camp he  had  edited   a  publication  called  the Troppo  Tribune , told  colourful  yarns  at  "beer nights " and  did  some  writing .  Also  at  Mataranka   was   the   playwright  and  author  Sumner Locke  Elliott ,  who  used  his  observations  to   write  the  controversial  play , Rusty  Bugles . Journalist   Sergeant   Frank "Bluey" Ryland , who went to Japan  with  the Occupation Forces,   influenced  Hardy’s   writing    at    Mataranka  . Another who  influenced  Hardy in his writing  and outlook in  the camp was  Paul Mortier, a staunch Communist , mentioned previously in  this blog , who  early in  the postwar  years ran the  Darwin Workers' Club, with  grand plans to turn it into a cultural and educational  centre  for  the  entire  community . 

 By  the time Hardy joined Salt  he had won the  School of  Modern  Writers'  Competition  with a  story,  A Stranger in  the  Camp , written  at  Mataranka.

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 The special  last edition of  Salt  was published  on  April 22 , 1946 . This is  how  Lindesay described his  contribution  to   that  issue :

I was given two  facing pages to draw  satirically, in fact sarcastically , lamenting how in 'civy street'  I would miss  the army - the healthy , vigorous open air  life , the  order and discipline , the leisure hours in the YM hut , and at nights , the  gentle , sonorous  notes of the  bugle playing lights out,  a nostalgic instrument, et cetera, and I had the distinction of  drawing   both  the first and  last  illustrated   Salt covers . The  final  , in  two colours and  black  , showed  a  coffin  bearing the  name SALT , borne  by  three  Servicemen and   a  WRAN , with a   bowler hat  wearing  cherub  rising, representing   civilian   life.  

 There  is  much  more   information  about   Salt  and  its  merry   crew  in  the  book.  Frank  Hardy    mentioned   Salt episodes  in  his  autobiographical  The Hard Way  , Rigby, 1961. In doing so  he referred  to "the famous Salt artist ,Vane."

It seems it was not unusual   for  Salt   staff   to catch up on  beauty  sleep by  having a kip on newspaper files  on  a  high shelf.  Hardy  wrote  that  Vane  , having  been up  all  night    designing  stage  sets  for   the New Theatre, clambered  into  the  sleeping  spot  and  an officer and another person  arrived to  make  a  stocktake .  Snoring  was  heard ,  the  stocktake  halted , and  Vane's  derrier  was  sighted  jutting over the edge of the   file , with  an  Ambrose  Dyson  sign  attached  in large red letters - SALT  ARTIST  AT  WORK .  Vane  commented  that  Hardy had embroidered   this   story . 

  

Outstanding  illustrations  like  this  by   Vane Lindesay , with his  joke line ,  made  him a household name  and  were said  to capture  the   very  essence of   the   Australian  way  of  life . In  addition, he  is  an authority on  the  history  of   Australian   black  and  white comic  art  and  has  written  books  on   the  subject.

NEXT:Life  after  Salt , including further  dealings with  Frank  Hardy  and   many  other  authors  and   cartoonists .