Friday, July 10, 2015

PIGGING OUT ON YUMMY GUINEA PIGS CAN BE DANGEROUS

Lucky to be alive is this  cute  Children's Python attacked by a   dog while trying to  get at  tasty  guinea pigs on Magnetic Island .  Rescued, fed on frozen rats from a pet shop  and  given  a  warm pad to get it through  the  current cold snap in North Queensland, the snake is shown having some outside exercise up a tree   before being returned inside to safety...not far from those protected  guinea  pigs  and a  pet rat.
 
The sex of the snake is not yet known. However, if it is male, it will be called Scaly; in  the event that it  is  female, its nom-de-slither will be Scarlet .
 
As mentioned , the serpent was intercepted by Tido, a Pitbull, who believes  that if anybody is going to  eat  those squeaky guinea pigs,  Lala and Hans ,  it is him , as he is often seen  eyeing  them  off  closely  in  their  enclosure . The grey pet rat , aptly called Ash, also receives hungry eyed  attention  from  Tido .  
 
A visitor to Magnetic Island from Darwin  told how she once had  pet guinea pigs and arrived home to find  a  slumbering  python inside their cage  with  a lump  in its  body. The  non venomous  python was  named in  honour of  John George  Children , curator of  the  zoological  collection at  the  British  Museum . 

Thursday, July 9, 2015

TONGUE TIED TURNBULL RAISES QUESTIONS WITHOUT ANSWERS

CANBERRA:There  are  unconfirmed reports that  Malcolm Turnbull has been  rushed  to  hospital  this  morning after badly   biting his  tongue , above , during a media interview  in which he effusively  praised  the  leadership of  Prime Minister Tony  Abbott . The agony of  the  painful accident is clearly etched on  his  face. An   Irish  doctor about to be  asked on  camera his learned opinion of the Australian  economy and the future of the Euro  quickly  applied  a tourniquet to Turnbull's mutilated   tongue  and  placed  him  in  quarantine until  after the next election. This prompt medical  action will prevent the many  timid , slack-jawed members of  the  Liberal Party  from imitating   Turnbull  in sympathy and  lacerating  their  lickers  in  public . 

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

PM STARS IN " ACCOMPLISH MORE SABRE RATTLING MISSION "

Australia being Bush-whacked 
George Dubya Abbott on  frontline, near Luna Park .
Prime Minister Tony Abbott  not only has  the  gait of the disastrous  former  US President, George  Dubya  Bush  , he  sits awkwardly  on chairs  like the Texas cowpuncher  and also  makes  frequent  bloopers  and  ill considered  decisions  like  him , such as the very strange suppository utterance, knighting  Phil the Greek and munching  a  raw  onion , this last act causing  bad  breath..not desirable when  kissing  unsuspecting  babies, held by bad smell alert mothers , one of  the joys of  motherhood,  in  large numbers during  photo  opportunities.
 
In recent  weeks the Yankee Doodle Dandy sounding and acting   PM has  wrapped himself in more flags than are  flown in the US of A on  the  fourth of  July,   led  the  singing of  America the Brave  at the launch of a new J. Edgar Hoover approved  border  force  , ordered   Colonel  Custer to raid  the ABC leper colony ,  continued   the  campaign   to  scare  the  pants  off  the  nation  and  ramped  up  the  Bill Shorten  Spanish  Inquisition ,which  must surely  be  embarrassing  the  Pope. 

But the Hollywood stunt which will undoubtedly see him nominated for a plagiarism  award for an outstanding  performance  in  a nine reel  B-grade horror movie  was  the crass PR  act  of  aping President Bush landing on the deck of an aircraft carrier  brandishing a large sign announcing MISSION ACCOMPLISHED  shortly after the second Gulf war invasion  of  Iraq , an ongoing  disastrous  fiasco  which   is  still  being  played out  today.
Sporting  Malcolm Turnbull's famous  leather jacket as seen on Q and A , with Coney Island souvenir  patches  hastily  stitched  on   by  Peta .
Clad like a movie star  top gun dude  in an RAAF kit, including  a helmet  and a leather jacket bearing the name Tony Abbott , Prime Minister of Australia, he lurched  out  of a  helicopter riding a penny farthing  bicycle confiscated from a Queensland bikie  (only  kidding )  onto  the  deck  of  USS Blue Ridge , the Seventh Fleet command ship, in Sydney for the Talisman Saber/Sabre joint  war games off  Rockhampton and  Darwin. 

At this stage , it is not known how many Yank sailors went  AWOL  at King's Cross  or  suffered  depression  thinking the PM's fancy dress  drop in   was a  replay of  George   Dubya's   crash  landing  on   the   aircraft  carrier  all  those years  ago.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

A SERVING OF KRANSKY AND A GILL OF GILLIES FOR DARWIN

Good to  see  that the alluring  Kransky  Sisters, above ,  from Esk, Queensland , and comedian Max Gillies  are among the class acts  booked for  next  month’s  Darwin  Festival . This  blog's long haired  theatre critic confessed he  once   held   a  secret crush on  the  Kranskys and  Morticia of  the Addams Family.  However, as he had  not heard anything about the Kranskys for  years , he wrongly surmised  they had taken themselves to  a nunnery or  been married  by  oddball , rich  medical practitioners .  The  weird sisters will wow Darwin with musical comedy  hijinx  that includes a mix of instruments such as  a musical saw, kitchen pots and pans  and a  toilet brush .   Political  satirist  Max  Gillies  will  explode  in  two shows , one  asking  is  Australia suffering a leadership deficit . The second will deal with  famous speeches by revered and  infamous  characters  throughout Australia’s history. Gillies  famously brought down the  house in live shows  and caused  TV audiences  to convulse  with his send up  of the rotund  Queensland Minister for Everything in  Joh Bjelke-Petersen’s time ,  Russell Hinze  ,  delivered  from  inside  a  bean  bag .

Saturday, July 4, 2015

CLANCY OF THE OVERFLOW CAUGHT SHORT, FANGED IN HOSPITAL TRIP

When Clancy visited the Townsville Hospital recently on a personal matter  he was given a large  plastic denture container into which he was asked to provide a urine specimen, there apparently being  a shortage of the usual Tiny Tim  specimen  containers .   On a  previous visit, Clancy was  shocked  when he went to  the busy  bus stop  shelter  and taxi rank  opposite the  hospital  and spotted  a   dangerous  pedestrian hazard , a  raised  sewer  (man)personhole  in the  middle of  the footpath, which had  obviously overflowed  at  some stage , see above.Yuk. Safety conscious Clancy imagined many a tottering hospital patient running to catch a bus tripping over  the  sewer  lid  and  ending up  in emergency or  maternity.  
Clancy took the above photograph  on his latest visit  to the hospital showing  the foot of a disgusted  Kiwi nurse waiting for a  bus, the  dangerous  top   decorated with  fag ends and  incubating   ankle and  toe  biting  bacteria  said to be capable of  jumping  extraordinary distances , according to advice  on  walls  in  public conveniences . As the real estate spruikers say : location, location, location . No doubt  this Townsville attraction  will  be on the  must see itinerary of  all  those  tourist industry people  coming to town  soon , an event described by the Townsville Bulletin as a coup. The local poobahs should act quickly to overcome this  obvious danger to  pedestrians  and unsightly  blot  on the  landscape.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

CHAMPION OF NORTH AUSTRALIA

Abridged  article  outlining  Glenville  Pike's extensive  contribution to North Australian  history,   publishing and encouragement  of  writers and poets ,  which  first  appeared  in  the Magnetic  Island publication  Magnetic Times  when  he  was 79  years of  age .
 
 
Writer Glenville Pike , whose contribution  to  North   Australia  is   little  known ,  is  still pounding  out   yarns  about  the   North on  a  manual  typewriter. Of  particular   note  is the  fact  that   under   the   byline  Sundowner   he  has  been  writing   Around   the   Campfire column    for    57   years   in  the   North    Queensland   Register .  Recently he  wrote   a    guide  to  the   history  of    Mareeba, the town  founded by John Atherton,   for the  new    Mareeba   Heritage   Museum. 
 
 
In     l954   he    launched  the above trail   blazing    magazine,  the   North  Australian  Monthly   (NAM) ,  which   championed   the  cause  of  a  large , neglected  part  of  the  nation .   As   Pike explained,   the publication  chronicled    news   about  the   North,  an   area  about   which    people  in  the   south  knew  almost  nothing .

It   also  included,  poetry,  history  and   outback yarns.   Run  on  the  smell  of  a  proverbial  oil rag ,  it   was   printed  by   the  Townsville   firm  of  T. Willmett  and   Sons  Ltd .   NAM    had   a   print  run  of   3500 ,  a  year’s subscription costing   30 shillings  ( $3) .   A  full- page advertisement   cost a  mere  eight pound   ($16) ,  a  smaller   display  advert    one   pound  ($2)  per  column   inch.    Readers  were  scattered  around  the  nation  and   overseas,  including Australia  House,  London  ,  where  its   exotic contents  were  avidly  read  by  intending migrants. 

 During  its   life   NAM attracted  a stable  of  diverse    contributors - pioneering  men  and  women ,  ex-Northern Territory   mounted   policemen ,  pilots,   drovers, station  owners, missionaries,  adventurers,  poets,  short story  writers  ,  journalists  and  J.K. Moir ,  founder of  the   Melbourne  literary   organisation  the  Bread  and  Cheese  Club , who  was  also  an  avid  collector  of   early  Australian   literature.  
 
A  young  postman , James G. Porter,  in   the  Northern Territory  town of   Larrimah  ,  contributed  to   NAM,  later   came  to  the   island   and   wrote  the   book    Discovering Magnetic Island ,  first published  l983.    

 NAM   advertised  for    articles   up  to  l500  words  in length   and  this  attracted  a  torrent  of   Australiana   from  people  in   far  flung  places , including  overseas.    Former   NT mounted  policemen  Ted  Morey  and  Vic Hall  wrote  for  the  magazine.  A  plantation   manager   living  in  New Guinea ,  Fred Archer ,  provided   vivid   articles  about  his  early life  in  outback  WA.      The   well-known   author  Clem  Lack ,   employed  by   Queensland  Premier   Nicklin,  was one  of  the   talented   people   who    backed   NAM  with  their  literary  skills.   Henry G. Lamond,  born  in  the  Gulf country  in  the l880s ,  provided many   great yarns   about  the  outback .  Pike  pointed  out  that   Lamond  had to  get  his  books published  in  Britain , where  he  had  a  big  following , because   Australian  publishers  were  not   interested.
   
 A   former  Charters Towers  resident  ,   Albert   Morcom ,   renowned   as    one   of   the so–called  “ Borroloola  hermits”  in  the  Gulf  of  Carpentaria  ,  penned   articles  for  NAM and also wrote for the Northern Territory News in Darwin .  Pike   visited   Morcom  in Darwin  Hospital in  l964    shortly   before  he   died.  At  the  time  of  the visit , Morcom  complained  bitterly  about   the   hospital   having  shaved  off   his   beard.   

 Nature   notes   were  provided  by   John  Orrell ;   a  haughty  Englishman , he  also wrote  a   provocative article  about  attitudes  to  “New Australians ” in the   l950s.   There    were  recollections   of   early days  in  the  Torres Strait  , crocodile shooting ,“ the  Cattle King ” Sir Sidney Kidman   and  a   l961 “  bushie’s”   plea  to   stop the  remorseless   felling  of   trees  in   Queensland   with  a  warning that   the state could   end  up  like  the  Sahara  Desert.    

There  was   a    lively   regular  column   dealing   with  the North  Queensland   sugar    industry   written  by   Clive   Morton  who  in  one  edition  blamed   the   Pentagon  for  the   low   US   intake  of  Australian  sugar .

 Michael  Terry  , who had   trekked through  Central Australia in  the  l930s  by   camel  , provided  well-read  features .   Then   there   was    Michael   Sawtell ,    a drover’s  boy  on  the   Birdsville   Track   in  l901,  who  was  an  avid  reader of  and  contributor  to  NAM.   Sawtell   campaigned strongly  to   have    rivers   turned   inland  , a  call  taken  up again  in  recent  times  due  to  the prolonged  drought.
 
He  wrote  about   riding  from   Darwin to  Derby in WA in  l908 , a journey of  some   2200   kilometres  in   the  wet,  during  which  he swam    four   large rivers  -  “ better than  Chips  Rafferty” ( the  actor )  - and  never met  a  person along  the  way .  In   l959   Sawtell   was  living  in  Sydney’s  bohemian   King’s  Cross  which  he  said  was  filled  with coffee  lounges  and   few   Dinkum  Aussies  .   Many  people , including   Prime Minister  Menzies,   according  to  Sawtell ,  did  not  know  that  the  North of   Australia existed .   

 In another  article, Sawtell     said  he  went to  all  the   leading   clubs  and churches  in  NSW  as  a  “ prophet in my own country ” ,  trying to arouse  his  own countrymen   to  know  and    love Terra   Australis.   He wrote : “  Some  day  I  will fill  Lake  Eyre  from  the  sea  to  improve  the  rainfall  and  climate .  Ten  thousand  square miles  of  that  basin   are   below  sea level .   The   future  possibilities   of   our  mighty  inland  are   staggering .”

Moves   for a   new   state  in   North   Queensland  were   covered  in the  magazine.    Pike  editorialised   against    the   Commonwealth   government’s   inadequate  expenditure  on  the  North ,   its  failure  to  build  the  railway  line   to  Darwin  ,  poor   outback  roads  and   the   need  for  defence  bases    in  North  Australia  .

The magazine   chronicled     current   developments  in   places   like   Darwin , Katherine  , Tennant Creek  ,  Alice   Springs ,  Bowen  , Cairns  ,  Mt   Isa ,  Charters Towers , Townsville   and   the   Kimberley .  It   closed   down   in December   l965.   

The  Australian  Encyclopedia   commissioned him to  write  biographical details of North  Queensland   explorers.    Over   the   years   Pike  has been    responsible  for  the  erection  of   six  monuments     honouring   North   Queensland pioneers .  When   publishers  were   not   interested   in   Australian  books,  he  started  his  own     publishing  venture  and    was responsible   for  the  production  of   33  outback   books , many  of   them  printed  in Hong  Kong.   In  addition ,  he wrote   26  books   himself   about   North  Australia   which   have   sold  more  than    l50,000   copies.   

While   his   books  are  on   sale  in    many   places  in    Queensland ,  Cooktown, Cape  York  Peninsula,   is   now  his  best   outlet  for   four  books  still   in   print .  It  seems   that  city   dwellers    from  south,   particularly   restless   baby  boomers   who  trek to  the  historic  town  in  four wheel  drives ,  like  his  books,  especially  his  latest  -Unsung Heroes  of  the  Queensland  Wilderness-Pioneering  our remote  Far North   l870-l914. 

His   deep   interest   in  Australian   history  saw   him   retrace    the  footsteps  of  explorers  and   pioneers   on   horseback.   On  one   such trip  in   l948   he found three   marked  trees   near  the  junction  of  the  Hodgkinson  and    Mitchell Rivers  thought  to  have   been connected  with  the  tragic   Kennedy  expedition .   One   of  the trees  bore  the    letter K and  carried  the  date  September l5, l848.  This prompted  Pike to   write  a  paper  for  the  Queensland  History Society.  

The fate of   explorer   Ludwig Leichhardt   who  disappeared   in    l848   also   interested    Pike.     Information he  gathered  about  the   Leichhardt  expedition  and  its  possible  end   was   included  in the book   Queensland Frontier.   After reading  Pike’s  conjecture on  the  ill- fated  Leichhardt  expedition , the late   Dr Colin Roderick,  Professor of  English at  James Cook University and an authority on Henry Lawson,   congratulated   him  on  his   research.   Roderick,  who  reviewed  the  book,  told  Pike  his   material   and   the    conclusions   about  the  expedition   which   vanished   attempting to cross  from  Moreton   Bay in  Queensland   to  Perth  in WA  were  the   best  he  had  read.-(Peter Simon )  

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

SURRENDER MONKEYS FACE THE HEAT WITH SLIP SLOP DUCK FAT

Peter  and  Judi  Burleigh Carry  On  Up  French Canals
We are in the middle of a Canicule, which French people tell us has two meanings: a heat wave, or 'the temperature of a bitch on heat'. Luckily we're moored in the shade with power and water. The fans are running hard. Rope Girl Judi is struggling to make a shade-cloth system to keep the boat cool - and she's winning, despite stabbing herself in the fingers with sharp instruments and having to listen to gratuity advice from yours truly. 

The Voges Mountains, roughly an extension of the Ardennes, were meant  to  be  cooler  but the forecast for the coming days is 33 degrees today , then 35, 37, 38, 39 with heavy wind gusts and so on. We are in Fontanoy le Chateau, a beautiful if largely empty town in a narrow river valley. Our next target is Epinal, but we'll probably stay here for a few more days because of the bitch in heat.
 
As we rise into the mountains the number of locks increases - at the highest point there are up to three locks per kilometre . If we set off we'll need to do about 15 a day, travel about 20km and get ourselves burned to a crisp in the process. The solution, as it so often is,  is  to drink our way out. 

We are taking it as easy as we can and are living well except for the occasional crisis; a couple of days ago we nearly had a pair of giant lock gates close on the stern of our boat. We did a 'wheel spin' into the lock then had to stop dead instantly. It takes talent to overcome the laws of physics. 

This canal is one of narrow dimensions so we must lower the canvas and the radar arch so we can get under the bridges. It's obligatory to hit our heads on the arch. The daily record is, so far: Judi 6, Peter 5, but Peter is winning with the severity of the blows and the amount of blood seeping through the hair. 

The traffic on the canals seems to be far less than in previous years, meaning we often find good, uncrowded moorings. In this region the canal-side trees are huge, the fields lush and green and the cows contented (or is that 'stupid'?). Villages are rare so we are stocked up with instant dinners, canned petits pois  and long-life bread. Of course it's the long-life vodka which has our primary attention. 

We have discovered a way to BBQ duck breasts without drenching the environment with flaming duck fat (is this what napalm is made from?) and so far we've had Michelin 5-star dinners several times.  Luxury! Along with vegetables, meat and chicken we can really taste, we're doing fine. 

Not wishing to be seen as 'surrender monkeys' we have not yet requested political asylum. There's probably a treaty between France and Australia which will see us end up at Manus Island. Still, how bad could life on a Pacific Island be?