COALITION COULD BECOME A BOATLOAD OF REFUGEES IF MORRISON TAKES THE HELM

Flattering  selfie 

It  is  claimed  that  the   ALP leader  Mark  Latham shot himself in the foot during  an election  campaign  by  rushing up to and in effect virtually  shirt fronting   Prime Minister  John  Howard in  front of the  cameras.   If  the new Social  Services Minister Scott  Morrison  is  seriously being  considered  as  the  one to replace PM  Tony  Abbott , then  the  Coalition  will  be reduced  to  three  men in a tub  at  the  next  election  because of  his overbearing  performance  on  the  ABC 7.30 Report .

Listen to me

Opening   with  a  faux  friendly   Paul Hogan “G’day”, Morrison then proceeded to talk  over  superb  interviewer  Leigh Sales,  jut the jaw  and  launch some kind of  election speech , which  sounded  exactly  like  the  babblings   of   shocked  LNP  key  figures in Brisbane  after   the   Queensland  bloodbath , jockeying   for   the  leadership. It is surely a sign of poetic justice  that  Malcolm  Turnbull is also listed as a  possible successor  to Abbott after all the scheming by the Libs  which saw him deposed as  a reasonable  leader , opening  the   way  for  the  Mad Monk , now  leading  the troops to  certain  oblivion   if   not  removed . However, the same climate change deniers within  the party and powerful outside groups which  pull the  strings  of the  true  blue brigade will not allow Turnbull  to return .   

"HOOEYVILLE LIP " MAINTAINS HE IS THE GREATEST TEAM CAPTAIN

Demonstrating  the  boxing combination he used  to  punch   Joe Hockey  in the head  during  a football match  at university, punch drunk  Prime Minister  Tony Abbott  announcing he intends  to retire from  the  political  square ring  and  take up a  new post as a masked seller of  peanuts, lollies and  chocs   with the Jimmy Sharman  Travelling  Boxing  Troupe. In the background can be seen a  football fought over  in  those  pugnacious early days , a Tonka toy ,  a  Bob Katter autographed  10 gallon hat and  a  framed photograph of his favourite  ABC  television  show, The 7.30  Report . No copy of  How To Win Friends and  Influence People,  by the  famous soft soap salesman , Dale Carnegie,  can  be seen  in  the books on the shelf . On display  is a rare  blue  Royal  Doulton  spittoon  adorned with  handpainted  Queensland  prickly  pear , a present  from  Mrs  Bucket .  

DAVID STONES NEWMAN , BRICKS ABBOTT AND ROUTS BARBARIANS

Pharisees and  money changers  don  sackcloth

Queensland ALP Leader   beaming after Australian political  history  was made   in the  David  versus Goliath  battle against  the  LNP  which  resulted in  Premier Newman losing his seat and  could lead  to  Prime Minister  Tony Abbott   walking the  plank in  his tattered  budgie smugglers  , a ghastly sight , and  ordered to  never return  by  a   Bondi  beach  inspector . The ban would automatically  apply  to the beaches of Manly, Freshwater ,  Fairy Bower, Bronte and  Coogee.  This  skimpy  blog  enjoyed  playing  a  wee   part in the demise of  three  sitting  LNP  members in Townsville, including  Cabinet  member David  Crisafulli .

LONDON ( True Blue Breaking News ).- A well known  Buckingham  Palace skinnydipper  is  lobbying  the  Queen to  appoint PM Abbott  Lord Warden  of  the  Cinque Ports,  like Sir Robert  Mingies (pronounced Meenies ), who  flattered  the  Queen when  she  was  Down   Under  during the  days  of   forelock  tugging   in  the  colonies, a recently  revised  sport  by  the  superior Flintstone  Club.   

DRACULA AND FRIAR TUCK CAUSE FLAP IN QUEENSLAND HUSTINGS

Dracula , the  cute  Coucal recently released into the wild on Magnetic Island , has  been  spending  time  with  supporters  of   the   two  main  political  parties in  the  Queensland  election.  In  each  camp  he  demands attention  and  receives choice  tucker, including  Dutch cheese .  Magnetic  Island  ALP  branch  secretary , Linda Wootten ,  a  wildlife  carer , is  looking after  a  number of critters ,  including a Friar Bird ,  naturally   given   the  name  of the greedy  cleric  in  Robin Hood of  Sherwood Forest  fame , which  demands  frequent  attention  and  recently  enjoyed  a  bowl  of  tasty  flying  ants .  As  mentioned  earlier, Linda was recently  called  in to help remove  Death Adders  in  Arcadia .  It seems  the  rumble of  a washing machine caused  the  large Death Adders to move  off –but  to  where?

IRISH EYES ARE WATERING

Moves to  make consumers pay  a new,  separate charge  for  reticulated  water  in   Ireland  has caused  an outcry,  massive  demonstrations and  a  rushed law  to protect  meter installers.  It could also bring down the government  at the 2016 election.     A Little Darwin  correspondent living  in Ireland  , an Australian , says there have been amazing scenes in Dublin and  in  his smaller   village .  Trucks  carrying equipment  and  men  to install  water   meters  have been  set on fire . Legislation  has been passed  making it  an  offence   to   go  within  a  certain distance of  meter  installers and  readers   in a bid  to  protect  them  from  angry   people .

The  cost of  the  water  supply has  been included in  general taxes. The imposition  of a specific water  charge  is regarded as  double taxation. Ireland  has been hammered by austerity  measures  brought as a  result of having to bail out six failed  private banks with loans of 85billion Euro  from  the European Financial Stabilisation  Facility  and  the  International Monetary Fund.  The austerity measures have  caused severe social repercussions  such as  home  repossessions, homelessness, cutbacks to  social services , unemployment and emigration. An independent  assessment  of  ways and means of  paying the loans  suggested  the  setting  up  of a separate water supply service , Irish Water, the CEO of which receives 200,000 Euros . The cash strapped populace  has seen the  gap between the  rich and poor grow by 11 percent  in the period  2007-2012. Water  privatisation  is  seen  as  an undesirable  growing  trend .

PALLID PREMIER TURNS GREEN , LATEST SHOCK POLL CAUSES TECHNICOLOUR CHUCKLE

Scoop  photograph  taken  at Queensland Media Club last  debate  in Brisbane on ABC shows Premier Newman   desperately  seeking  the  Green  vote  to  save  his  scalp  in  leafy Ashgrove .

I WANT TO SHAKE THE HAND OF TOWNSVILLE’S FAMOUS MAGPIE !!!

The above  weird  email request  was  received at Little Darwin’s North Queensland  sanatorium from  notorious  American  gonzo journalist , Hunter S. Thompson ,who it seems has been sipping  soda  nonstop  since he  boarded  the Spirit of Queensland  train in  Brisbane on his way to  unsuspecting Townsville  to  do an exclusive  fear  and  loathing  report  on  the   Sunshine State’s  campaign  trail.

 

Tricky Dicky talked
baseball  with Thompson

His shoe phone, stolen from the CIA while he was  covering the  President  Nixon election , did  not respond when we urgently rang back to  ask what  the hell  he means ...shake  the  hand  of  the  famous  Townsville  Magpie ? 

 

In desperation , we  Googled  Townsville Magpie  and got what  seemed to be  a strong   clue to   the  feathered  mystery.

THE  TOWNSVILLE  MAGPIE     

From 2002 to 2010, The Townsville Magpie was the most popular column in the Saturday Townsville Bulletin, with an estimated weekly readership of more than 20,000, almost half the Saturday paper’s circulation. It was christened The Magpie because the old bird’s gimlet eye was attracted to shiny little trinkets, both trivial and substantial – just like his namesake.

On his retirement in 2010 , The Magpie’s alter ego, journalist and columnist Malcolm Weatherup decided to keep doing weekly posts, with a slight change of character, offering a more edgy humorous take on politicians, the local council, Townsville Enterprise, and others near and far who would influence and regulate our lives.

Reader response was immediate and gratifying, and continues to grow steadily. The paper itself was one such organisation which merited hitherto impossible critical examination, and modern social media provided the ideal platform.

The spur for Malcolm’s personal ‘Media Watch’ came when the paper repeatedly published editorial lectures to local companies about the importance of jobs in North Queensland while at the same time stealthily sacking a third of its staff (almost 100 skilled people) to outsource jobs south and to India. None of which was reported in the paper. So Malcolm gave it detailed and unwelcome exposure, with an immediate response of both delight at the irreverence, general disgust at this behaviour, and howls of outrage from the Bulletin management.

His new independence allows him to continue to highlight some of the hidden roles of the paper itself, which at the time he left, was rapidly changing into a down-market tabloid. This was a move which he believes was a great miscalculation by a cynical News Ltd, and a grave disservice to the community from which the Bulletin derived so much financial benefit. Plummeting circulation and readership have confirmed his initial view – which he thinks is a crying shame for this city.

The Magpie’s insider knowledge of the paper’s functioning, management structure and editorial structure/policy has resulted in humorous posts which have greatly annoyed Holt Street HQ in Sydney, and prompted fruitless quasi-legal attempts to bully him (and even an uninvolved family member) into silence. No such luck.

Now entering his 48th year as a journalist, Malcolm intends to continue writing on all manner of subjects, not just the Townsville Bulletin, offering his unique take on all aspects of the community in which he loves to live.

Extra pages are being added to the Magpie’s Nest site to broaden its appeal. Hope you enjoy it and participate in the fun and information. You’ll need keep your sense of  both the ridiculous and your funny-bone well oiled.

After reading this , we realized we had solved  Hunter  S. Thompson’s odd  email   message  as  this  Weatherup  guy  sounds like  his   kind of  fearless  scribe .   Little  Darwin awaits  Hunter’s    arrival in Townsville  in a certain state of apprehension and has  arranged  for  an Irish  doctor  to  hit him  with  a  big  vitamin injection  when  he  stumbles  out  onto  the  platform , intent  on  hiring  a  fire engine red Cougar  and  speeding  around  to the  Weatherup residence , where parking is  a problem , and  present  him with a Pulitzer Prize   for real journalism.   Sounds  like  an interesting   conversation between  the  two  birds  is  in  the  offing .