Thursday, February 6, 2014

LIES , MEAT PIES AND STATISTICS


BRISBANE : A  great  day  in  Australian  naval  history .
Here  is  a  well  kept  secret :  Former   Prime Minister , Malcolm Fraser , was   knighted .  According to the  Brisbane  World  Expo  88  pictorial souvenir  program  , a   copy  recently    found    in   an  Op Shop  bin  , he is   identified  as  “  Sir Malcolm  Fraser  ”... having  an  amiable chat  with   Gough  Whitlam  at   Australia’s  biggest   ever  international   exposition , attended  by   the  Queen and  Phyllis  Diller .
 
 Statistics  for  the   amount   of   tucker   consumed   halfway  during   the  Expo  reveal   that  the  crowd   had   swallowed  enough  beer  to   fill  325  average   family   swimming   pools .  Visitor  Maggie   Thatcher , the  Iron  Maiden ,  went    skinny   dipping   in  a  pool  brimming  with  XXXX   beer –an  absurd  fib brewed  up  by  Little Darwin .
 
 Pie   consumption  (325,500)  was   paltry compared  to  hamburgers  (850,000), Dagwood dogs (675,000) and  hotdogs  (1,765,000 ). Australia  Day  seems  to  have  been  celebrated  by  some  kind of  obscene  pie  eating    competition   staged   for  the   media .

The  Northern  Territory  pavilion   highlighted  Uluru ,  Aboriginal art   and  featured  what   looked  like  mock  Devil’s  Marbles   from   down  Tennant  Creek  way.     In   the   Lost  and  Found   Department   ,  an orthodontic  plate, lost  and  found  on  an  amusement  park ride,  was   found  and  returned to  its  gummy owner.
 
 A  staggering  2941 children and  others   were  lost  and  found  up  to  halfway through  the  show .  A   woman  who  appears  to have been   the  Melbourne  entertainer  and  TV   identity ,  Jeanne  Little,  all in  white ,  wearing  an  ambassador’s  sash  and  a  huge  hat,   is   pictured   hamming   it  up  with  part  of   a  sausage  roll .    The last  we  heard  of  bubbly  Little  was  in  2012  when  it  was reported  she   had been admitted  to  a  home suffering  from AlZheimer’s   .  Star performers  included Normie  Rowe , John Denver and an echidna.  Circus OZ  performed for  the  first  time .  Down the Brisbane River sailed a pink submarine , with 35 tap dancers   all  dressed  in  pink, some  sailors  visible ,  like a scene  from a  certain  well  known  Mardi Gras   .EVEN THE AUSTRALIAN FLAG WAS PINK !!!

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

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Since 2013, an unbroken tradition of  Community News  without  Foam  or Flavour
Magnautic Island Times
 INDEPENDENCE EXCLUSIVE ! 
 


,
MAGNAUTITRONLAND:
WORLD’S NEWEST MONARCHY
 
Typical islanders, many of them Tory voters and  Andrew  Bolt  readers  , react to news of  independence .
 
In an announcement which stunned this assembled press reporter, a neatly dressed man who bore a striking resemblance to someone on the tip of my tongue uttered the words announcing Magnautic Island’s Declaration of Independence. As a fully independent  country its name has become Magnautitronland. The acclaimed editor of this newspaper - Prince Bewlay, as he modestly introduced himself - wore a trendy Rivers shirt and traditional Yakka shorts. The absence of ceremonial cricket pads was not explained.
By  Court Reporter  Panter Beeley ,Esq. 
 
The Prince claims that not only are the Magnautitronland islanders behind him but also the Magnautic Island Times (that powerful organ for good which sustains fearless journalists like  myself) and when asked whether he was taking the reins of Government unto himself, the Prince modestly explained that a Monarch was soon to be elected by acclamation and he or she would announce the officeholders of Government.  Exhausted by this long sentence, he wearily assured us that he was at the service of the Magnautitron community and already knew what high office was about, as  he climbed a  flight of  stairs  several  times  a  day.
 
Once again he  reminded me of  someone I couldn’t put my finger on, but this thought was lost in the imagery and soaring spirit of the declaration. On reflection, I’d put my finger  on  almost anybody but. If anything  could restore the lost values of mateship and 6 o’clock closing , these stirring words would.
 
RESTORING LOST VALUES
In a booming voice reminiscent of an editor calling for a copyboy, Prince Bewlay read the declaration:
 
To Elizabeth, Queen of Australia, and her Government in Canberra, from His/Her Sovereign Majesty King/Queen (..fill in name when announced…) of Magnautitronland: For several decades you have failed to elect competent Prime Ministers of Australia and thus, having suffered the slings and arrows and consequences of poor government, we hereby give notice of this our Universal Declaration of De-Commonwealthment, effective immediately. His/Her Sovereign Majesty King/Queen (…fill in name later…) will assume monarchical duties over all of Magnautic Island (except the public toilet at the Ferry Wharf, which shall remain part of  Australia).
 
As your new Sovereign, I (…fill in name…), will appoint a Governor for Magnautitronland ( nee  Magnautic Island) without the need for further elections, and Upper and Lower houses are superfluous to an Absolute Monarchy. To aid in the transition to a benevolent dictatorship, the following rules are introduced to Magnautitronland with immediate effect:

1. The  letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'color,' 'favor,' 'labor' and 'neighbor.'  The letter pronounced ‘haitch’ is henceforth banned. The suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'  Generally, Magnautitronlanders will be expected to raise their vocabulary to acceptable levels.  (People who can read should look up 'vocabulary').
 
2. Conversations using the same twenty-three words interspersed with the filler expressions ’like’, ‘sort of’, ‘kind of’ and 'you know' is unacceptable. Microsoft spell-checkers will be banned or adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of  '-ize’, eg: ‘upsize’ and ‘downsize’.
 
3. Australia Day will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. Instead, the Island will celebrate “King/Queen…(fill in name)..Week” each year, the Coronation Day long 7-day weekend.
 
4. Magnautitronlanders will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a bottle opener.  A permit will be required to own an attack rabbit.
 
5. The intersection at the turnoff to Condom Corner will be replaced with a roundabout. The metric system is to be banned with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.  
 
6. We will cease playing NRL football and Australian Rules.  There is only one kind of proper football and it is Rugby Union. Soccer is an abomination, played by men of uncertain gender.  Previous supporters of NRL and soccer will learn cricket.
 
7. Magnautic Island will send a team of athletes to the next Olympic Games. Negotiations are underway to introduce the sports of Witty Conversation, Amateur Gardening and Drinking Before Lunch.
 
8. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her/His Majesty's Court will be with you shortly to quantify all the monies you and your forebears have paid to the ATO (backdated to 1900). We will collect the refund for you and hold it  in  a blind account somewhere in the South Pacific.
 
9. Business Hours on Magnautic Island will begin promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers (never mugs), with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. Business ceases at 4:50pm  so  people can get  home  in  time for  dinner.
 
Such a declaration ordinarily would have as much excitement as  a  paper bag of frozen  whitebait, but Bewlay did himself proud. The  writers of the document will remain anonymous  for  the present  but their place in history is assured. They are already calling themselves ‘founding fathers.’ Several of the Island’s single mothers understand this to  mean ‘foundling fathers’ and  are  searching for  the men.  Now we  must wait  until the name of  our  Monarch is released.
Washington's White House where the  Independence Tea and  Plonk  Party  plotted  to  insert an inbred  member  of  the  Monarchy on  a  hastily assembled  Ikea  throne  on  Magnautic  Island .
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SEARCH  FOR  A  MONARCH
By  Congenitanalia reporter Bhur Leepete
In  Nepal every Dali Llama is reborn anew as a child but must be found and acclaimed. In Magnautitronland our search for a monarch doesn’t require thrashing through the shrubbery looking for an infant. There are a number of possible candidates, none of whom wear nappies or vomit on their mothers’ shoulders. An exhaustive telephone survey with Morrie Bicuspid’s wife  Nefertiti narrowed the ‘preferred’ list to just a few. The guidelines for eligibility are: - Must have finished primary school. - Must be able to spell ‘Magnautitronland’. - Must be able to sing the new National Anthem (yet to be written).   - Must be free of parasites. -  Must look good in  a  frock or shorts, as the occasion requires.    Building  a  new society  from  the  top  down  will  test  even  the  most experienced Monarch,  like Nebuchadnezzar  or  Boadicea. NEXT: Providing there has not  been a military coup or  the entire  Magnautic  Island  Times  staff has not been certified  and   dragged  away to  receive  shock  treatment  from  an  irish  doctor on  the  mainland ,  rest  assured and sedated  that  more  incredible   scoops  will  be   published .
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Tuesday, February 4, 2014

LEFTY MURDOCH & PRESIDENT KENNEDY-Continuing biog of Crusading Editor," Big Jim"Bowditch


A special feature  in  the NT News on  Tuesday , September  13 , l960 ,  explained  the significance of  the  Murdoch  takeover.  It  included  a  photo of     Rupert Murdoch, 29 , right. An editorial MURDOCH  HERALDS  NEW PRESS  ERA  IN  THE NORTH  said the son of the famous newspaperman, Sir Keith Murdoch , had visited the Territory  many   times .
 
From  these visits  grew the awareness  of the need   for private investment  and expansion in the interests of Australia  as  well as  the North itself.
 
The  new tabloid paper would soon be a tri-weekly with  a sporting edition to come  out early Saturday. It  also stated  that  Murdoch’s  personal assistant , Ken May,  who had been the Adelaide  News political roundsman  ,  was expected  in Darwin  in a few  weeks  to  coincide with the visit  of  Mr and Mrs Murdoch  who would  be driving across  from  Townsville .  The  Murdochs arrived  in  Darwin  a day earlier  than expected and it  was  suggested that Rupert may have  disconnected the speed  governor on a hire car and put his foot down .

 
Bowditch said the  quick trip  made a favourable impression  on  him  and the NT News staff . On  another occasion , Murdoch  arrived , possibly  from  Mt Isa,   and   Bowditch  asked  compositor  Bobby  Wills   to  drive a  hire car  to  the Fannie Bay  Hotel  where  Murdoch’s  party was  staying.  Wills delivered the car to the hotel and  Bowditch introduced  him to Murdoch. Murdoch  told  Wills: “ You can  now  say  you  shook the  hand  of a man who shook  the  hand of President  John  F. Kennedy.  

Bowditch said that in those early days  Murdoch was seen as something of a rebel and at  the time was  taking on  the  larger  media  empires in Australia. Furthermore, when he had been at Oxford University  Murdoch had  been  what Bowditch  described  as  a "lefty "  and   went on to say  he was regarded by some as  " the great  white  hope” in  Australia.

 
In  the special book printed by the Herald and Weekly Times  as a tribute to  Sir Keith after his death , it included  the  following  passage which gave  an insight into his attitude to young  journalists  and  their political views :

As long as they served him loyally in their  office work, Murdoch was tolerant  of the political views of  his staff. He admired independence of thought. Any  set of convictions , even if misplaced, were better  than  no strongly  held  convictions. Enthusiasm ,if even sometimes misdirected, was  its own  virtue .
 
In the era of between war  cynicism which culminated  in Munich, the leftist proclivities  of many of Murdoch’s young men caused a  raising  of eyebrows  among  Murdoch’s financial acquaintances. Murdoch stuck to his tolerance. He was  heard more than once  to  joke that  any  young man ought to be  a  socialist , at least until the age of 25.
 
Later, he reckoned, his rebels  would tend towards a more balanced view  of the world, and perhaps the world  would tend a little their way, too. In his own politics Murdoch was a revolutionary conservative. This is evident in his published writings, but even more so in confidential commentaries  he wrote  about  his  own newspapers…

Bowditch opined that Murdoch eventually changed once he  had  borrowed  so  much money to  expand his empire.  It will  be shown that Murdoch  strongly  supported  Bowditch  in his  fearless  campaigns,  even when he became  personally involved ,  flouted  the  law  and  took  dangerous  risks.  NEXT : Hectic life  under  the new  regime .

IS AUSTRALIA THE WORLD’S MOST ENVIRONMENTALLY UNFRIENDLY COUNTRY ?

This  is  the   heading   in a   New  Zealand  Herald report.   Australians,  it states, could be  forgiven  for wondering  if  the Abbott  government  elected  in  September  is  the   most conservation –hostile  in living memory . The  article says  critics  warn  moves  by  Tony Abbott  and his  Environment Minister, Greg Hunt,  will not only  degrade  the country’s  most  outstanding assets , but make  Australia  an international laughing stock. Compounding  the  right –wing  government's apparent  disregard   for  the  unique environment , conservationists  and scientist  say   is   its  resistance  to  any   meaningful  action  to  tackle   climate change. 

In  Queensland,  it  continues,  the  health of  what is  widely  considered  Earth’s  greatest reef  is  being risked   so  that  Australia   can  ship  yet more coal   to China and  India , fueling  greenhouse gas emitting industries.   In respect  of  approval  for  expansion  of    Abbot  Point  coal export terminal , which would make it the  biggest port of  its kind in the  world, it points out it  involves dumping  millions of  tonnes of  sludge  from  massive  dredging  operations  on  the  reef.   

In  Europe  there  is  growing  concern   and  head  shaking  about  the  actions  of  the   Abbott Government  in respect of global warming and   conservation , especially  after  the  axing  of  three   key  agencies.  Just this week, the Suddeutsche  Zeitung   , the  largest  German  national  daily  newspaper , with  a  strong  overseas readership ,  ran    a  full page   on the  impact   of  global  warming  on  coral  reefs , with  specific  mention  of   the   threats  facing  the   Great  Barrier  Reef from the Abbott   regime. .  The   paper ,  with   a  readership  of  1.1 million , is  regarded  as  a  liberal  publication ,  centre   of   Left.

STEINBECK COUNTRY- CLARE VALLEY , SOUTH AUSTRALIA

Smurf  Photograph.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

THE MURDOCH TERRITORY LINK-Continuing biog of Crusading Editor,"Big Jim" Bowditch .

A globetrotter and internationalist, Sir Keith Murdoch passed  through Darwin on several occasions over  the  decades. In this  London  photograph taken  in July 1921  he  is  the one with  golf clubs, about to return to Australia to take  over editorial control of the Melbourne Herald. He is in august and powerful company. On  his  left  is  media magnate  Lord  Northcliffe  and the  Australian  PM, Billy Hughes . On his right ,Tom Marlowe, editor Daily  Mail , and  Wickham Steed , editor The  Times (which Rupert  now  owns). Standing behind  Murdoch are Sir Ross and Sir Keith Smith, pioneer Australian  airmen knighted in 1919  for the  first historic  England-Australia  flight  which  landed  in  Darwin  
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Impressed by   the  design of  the  Hotel Darwin , above ,  officially opened  by Mrs Hilda  Abbott, wife of the Administrator,  in  May 1940, it becoming  known as  the  Raffles of Darwin and  the Grand Old Duchess, until  pulled  down in 1999, Sir Keith  engaged  its  Sydney  architects, Stephenson and  Turner, to  design a  house  for the Melbourne  Herald  on  the  Esplanade in Darwin . 

Built on  the  ground , the  L- shaped  building  had a  six inch  thick concrete floor , was constructed  of  concrete  blocks,  with  649 louvres , making  it a cool house in which to live. Reporter Douglas Lockwood and  wife Ruth took  up  residence  there in  1941 .  Mrs Lockwood was  evacuated  south before  the  bombing  and her husband was  resident the  day of  the  first  attack. They  resumed residence  in  Darwin   after  the   war , the  photo below , supplied  by  journalist  Kim Lockwood , is  an  interior view  in the  1950s.  A typewriter  is  visible  on  the  far  left  desk .   

 
 By Peter Simon
 
Mrs Lockwood  knew  young  Rupert  Murdoch when  he  wore  knickerbockers. Rupert, she  said,  more  or less  “lived ” in  the  house  when  in  town  and  stayed  there  when  he   passed  through  in  his   Oxford  days .
  
Sir  Keith  is  shown , right , with  Rupert  in  London  in 1936  before  he set off  for  Germany and on his return  warned  about the  massive military build up there . While in  New  York in  March 194l he  spoke to the  Press about Japan’s expansionist policy and urged  America  to make  some strong display of  power in the  Pacific ; this was  before the  attack on Pearl Harbour . Flying back from London ,where he had pressed forDominion representation on the Supreme British Council, he   was also  reported in the Brisbane  Courier Mail of January  16, 1942 , as  saying he did not expect large scale Japanese   invasion of   Australia , but it  was likely  Darwin  could  be bombed,  and we must be prepared .  Soon  after, in the Melbourne Argus, he commented that Australia's war  preparedness  contrasted with   conditions in  other parts of  the  world .   In  Britain  life was  austere and hard , shopping was  discouraged  and  he had  not seen any drunkenness. In view of a  likely  attack  by Japan, he believed Darwin should be blacked out  and other cities  be  made  ready for  black-outs, to be enforced  at  short  notice. 

Darwin , not prepared,  was   attacked  on   February 19 , resulting in  a high death toll  and  massive  destruction  of  ships and  aircraft . Wearing a  thick coat and carrying an umbrella , Sir  Keith was photographed   back in Australia after a "28,000 miles   tour " in  1944.  During  the  war ,  the  Murdoch  mansion ,  Heathfield , was handed  over  to  a  top  American  military man ,  Lieutenant  General  George H. Brett,  US Air Force .  [ After the war it was used by the Salvation Army, then provided   accommodation   for  night  nurses of  the  Royal  Children’s Hospital. In 1958  it  was  sold  and  the  mansion  demolished.]    

Sir  Keith  arrived   in   Darwin  by  air  in  May 1946  and  had  breakfast  and a  bath at  the  Residency, official  home  of   Administrator  Abbott  and  wife,  a   regal   couple.
 
FIRST MEETING WITH RUPERT MURDOCH
 
Bowditch was  not  sure  how  he  first  met  Rupert  Murdoch, named  Keith Rupert, but  called  by  the  second  name to differentiate  the two.   The  initial  encounter  could  have  been  when he (Bowditch ) was running the Centralian  Advocate  in  Alice Springs .  He seemed  to  recall  meeting  Murdoch   who  was   then  in his early twenties .. when  he  would not  have  been  long  in  charge of  the  Adelaide News, his  father dying in  his  sleep  in 1952  at  the age  of  66.   Journalist  Alan  Wauchope  said  he  thought  Rupert Murdoch  came  to Alice with the prominent  English  journalist and Punch editor ,  Malcolm  Muggeridge . Bowditch remembered  going  to  Adelaide  and being invited home by  Murdoch for  meals.
 
Whenever  the  first meeting  took place  , he became  very  aware of  Murdoch when he  came to  Darwin   and  looked  over the  NT  News in the old Tin Bank  building , some clerical staff receiving  dirt money because of the poor conditions.  Murdoch, he  recalled ,  had  laughed at the  antiquated set up and asked  him why he put up with such conditions.  In those early  days Murdoch  had  spoken about  wanting  to  acquire a chain  of  country  newspapers . Knowing  the  paper was  really  secretly owned by  Swan Brewery , Murdoch eventually  told  Bowditch  he  wanted  to  buy  the  paper.
 

Bowditch informed Eric White , the early Sydney PR guru  who  had a major say in the running of the News . White's response was to  tell  Murdoch it was  not for sale. Bowditch suspected  that  White wanted to  maintain  close  contact with  the  brewery for  other  business  reasons.  It  could also  have  been a ploy  to  force up  the price of the  paper .

ADMINISTRATOR "CONNED"

When informed the  paper  was not for sale , Murdoch  took   quick and  decisive action . He went to the NT  Administrator “Cautious”   Clarrie  Archer  and  , according to  Bowditch ,  “conned ” him  into  announcing  Murdoch and the Adelaide  News would  be starting a new  newspaper in Darwin .
 
The  NT News   ran a small report  about  Murdoch’s proposal which quoted him as  saying  he  planned to  print three  editions a week .  At the time the  NT News  was still  a  bi-weekly . It was  pointed out in  the paper  that  Murdoch   did not  have  a  building  in  Darwin in  which to  launch the  venture .

The  tactical move  by Murdoch  had the desired  response.   Within  48 hours ,  Swan Brewery,  not wanting to be  left holding a paper  which  would  fold  when faced  with   strong competition,  “ panicked ” and agreed to sell  the NT News  to  Murdoch for   20,000 pounds ($40,000)  , the  same amount the  brewery   had  paid  for the  publication.   The  deal also gave  Murdoch  control   of   the  struggling   Mount  Isa  Mail  in Queensland .  At the time the  Darwin negotiations were  underway  it was announced that Murdoch  had   bought  the Sydney  daily , The Mirror .   Within a  short  time  Murdoch’s  various publications  were  being  produced at the  rate of  four million copies  a  week.

Once  Murdoch  had  possession  of  the  NT  paper  he  arranged for  better  equipment to be  installed.  A  Cossar  flatbed  rotary  printing  press  capable of  printing   and  folding   a 24  page tabloid at  the rate  of 3200 copies  an hour  was  shipped up from  Sydney. An  electronic  engraving machine  for making plastic  blocks  enhanced the  pictorial  content of  the  paper . A Ludlow type-setting  machine for  headings was  also  provided . NEXTSpeedy  Murdoch  arrives  in  town.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

GETUP LAUNCHES FIGHTING FUND TO SAVE GREAT BARRIER REEF

It's a terrible moment for the reef - but we have a plan. The Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority has caved to the pressure of the mining industry and the Federal Government. The agency charged with "the protection, wise use, understanding and enjoyment of the Great Barrier Reef in perpetuity" has allowed it to be sold out for short-term profits.

Late yesterday, they granted a permit to dump  millions of  tonnes of dredge spoil inside the Great Barrier Reef World Heritage Area. This destructive project is now allowed to go-ahead - unless we make a last ditch effort to challenge it in court. Click here to learn more, and help fund the legal challenge to save our Reef:

http://www.getup.org.au/reef-fighting-fund


We're not lawyers, but we've taken on big legal fights before — and won. In 2010, GetUp members challenged Howard-era electoral laws in the High Court. Together, and with the help of some of the best legal brains in the country, we stopped hundreds of thousands of Australians from losing their right to vote. Now we can step up again, this time to protect our Reef.

Our lawyers will be the Environmental Defenders Office (EDO) of Queensland, an independent community law centre dedicated to public interest advocacy in environmental matters. They'll be representing North Queensland Conservation Council. Both groups have got what it takes to tackle the project, but need the backing of GetUp members from right across Australia.

It's as if the Federal Government saw this fight coming. Just before Christmas, and without warning, they inexplicably cancelled $10 million in federal funding to EDOs nation-wide. But they aren't expecting people to fight back. Let's unite, and gather the resources we need to use the full power of the law to protect our Reef. Click here to make it happen: http://www.getup.org.au/reef-fighting-fund

The best legal analysis says this case is strong, and we won't be alone. Other environmental groups are planning to chip in as well. We all know legal battles can be long and expensive. If we can raise $80k together as GetUp members - that's about 2,000 of us chipping in $40 or more - the project will be confident of covering the considerable legal fees involved in a long fight. That money pays for court fees, printing and overhead costs, and allowing expert witnesses to provide evidence.

If we raise more than $80k together, we will use the extra to build our Reef Fighting Fund to power further campaigning, or for further legal costs. Can you chip-in to kick off the all-in citizen-funded legal fight to protect our Great Barrier Reef?
http://www.getup.org.au/reef-fighting-fund


The mining industry, the Abbott Government, Campbell Newman and everyone else with vested interests expect this decision will be a kick in the guts for the environment movement – something that will deflate us, put us in our place and mark the end of this campaign. They obviously don't know us well enough.